The Poet's Eye
     commentary by Lightning Rod

The Poet's Eye is skeptical without being cynical,
innocent without being naive and critical without
being judgemental.

Hell and High Water
for release 12-29-04

It was a beautiful crystal blue morning, when out of nowhere terror struck. Thousands were killed and whole buildings were demolished. No, I'm not talking about 9/11, I'm talking about Christmas in Sri Lanka. The ultimate terrorist, Mutha Naycha, has struck again.

The 9.0 magnitude earthquake in the Indian Ocean sent a twenty foot tsunami, more deadly than a hijacked 757 loaded with jet fuel, to attack a ring of targets from India to Thailand to the African coast. It was an obvious security failure. Western tourists were swept off beaches in Thailand and washed out to sea. The entire island of Sumatra was moved 100 feet to the Southwest. It was a terror attack.

Since we have no qualms about declaring war these days, we should declare war on Mutha Naycha. Some would argue that the Repubs have already done that, with sell outs to the oil and timber and chemical industries. But that's just war on the environment, an old story.

What we need is a war on Mutha Naycha herself. She is the evil fanatic behind all of our suffering. Let's get her. Wanted dead or alive.

Consider the 2004 Hurricane Season in Florida.

Bonnie, a tropical storm, brushed through the Panhandle. Then the four-hurricane procession started. Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne. These one-eyed minions of Mutha Naycha wreaked havoc on the lives of millions of our citizens and cost billions in property damage. They were terror attacks. We need to declare another war.

The United States is the greatest military power in the world. We shouldn't cower in the face of this threat. When a tropical storm gathers itself in a low-pressure area in the Atlantic off the coast of Africa, we should take preemptive action and drop a small tactical nuke just to break the rotation of this weapon of mass destruction that is aimed at Miami.

Sure, the drift of fallout would blister the African continent, but those that die would probably have AIDS. This sounds like a neo-con win/win situation.

Then just imagine the battle of Mt. St. Helens. Nothing but a smoking nuclear crater is left after the shock and awe attack from a US submarine in Puget Sound. Halliburton gets the contract to rebuild Seattle.

Let's don't forget the possibilities of weapons systems to be designed by Lockheed-Martin that will sense and destroy tornadoes. This is a delightful little war, the best of all possible wars. It could go on forever.

Hailstorms? That's just light work for the local first responders. A refitted bunker buster should work just fine.

Earthquakes are another matter. They would probably require an international coalition and the cooperation of the United Nations. We could place sanctions on the tectonic plates. But if our intelligence tells us that the Mutha is in the mood to smite, and that the Richter buzz is at level orange, then we should not hesitate to strike at the tremors in Tokyo or Mexico City. Forget the collateral damage. This is a war to secure freedom from fear and danger and calamity. Sunny days for all.

Oh yes, the asteroid threat. This will require further security measures. You will have to be vetted at airports to assure that you are not an asteroid. All of your financial records will be subject to review in order to determine if you are contributing to charities that fund asteroids. We can't be too careful. It's wartime, after all.

The Poet's Eye sees that if the current government has any political capital, it would best be spent in the production of disaster movies, because fear is where the votes are. And the money.

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