Erosion
Erosion
Grandpa
I remember your thin grizzled exterior.
Bone and sinew somehow
connected to heart strings.
Black peat and clay clinging
to your exposed skin
as you drilled through granite and shale.
Penetrating the earth, mad lover, drawing from her veins,
as though you knew the source of her life giving secrets.
I remember your impatience.
Your incomprehensible anger at the equipment.
The maiming and loss of fingers,
Until deprivation, was the one thing, you could count on.
Being struck by lightning twice, wasn't good enough.
You couldn't resist going toe to toe with death.
Was there shame in the twilight?
Did you hear the call?
Can you identify the distance?
Do you hear me shout your name?
I remember your thin grizzled exterior.
Bone and sinew somehow
connected to heart strings.
Black peat and clay clinging
to your exposed skin
as you drilled through granite and shale.
Penetrating the earth, mad lover, drawing from her veins,
as though you knew the source of her life giving secrets.
I remember your impatience.
Your incomprehensible anger at the equipment.
The maiming and loss of fingers,
Until deprivation, was the one thing, you could count on.
Being struck by lightning twice, wasn't good enough.
You couldn't resist going toe to toe with death.
Was there shame in the twilight?
Did you hear the call?
Can you identify the distance?
Do you hear me shout your name?
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
- judih
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Re: Erosion
pulled from the shale of the gut
i can feel therapy from this poem
i can feel therapy from this poem
- .Lucy.
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Re: Erosion
Recalls a thought...this poem is interesting
The road to happiness: Perseverance, Endurance and a whole lot of Hope.
Re: Erosion
Thank you Judih and Lucy for your kind comments
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
- hester_prynne
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Re: Erosion
Really enjoyed reading this one
H
H
"I am a victim of society, and, an entertainer"........DW
- Sue Littleton
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Re: Erosion
A splendid, human, moving poem. Sue♥
Re: Erosion
you paint a magnificent picture of a grandfather, this reader really gets his connection to the earth...solid throughout...including the title....enjoyed it
If you do not change your direction
you may end up where you are heading
you may end up where you are heading
Re: Erosion
i've been thinking abt this for a day or so... feel like i'd like to see the final stanza disappear. or morph or something. but the first two are primo.
godless & songless, western man dances with the stuffed gorilla through all the blind alleys of a dead-end world.
-maxwell bodenheim
-maxwell bodenheim
Re: Erosion
I knda agree with mindbum, except I really like the idea in "can you identify the distance?"
I might play with it; hope that's ok with you.
I might play with it; hope that's ok with you.
"Every genuinely religious person is a heretic, and therefore a revolutionary" -- GBShaw
Re: Erosion
Thank you so much Sue, Hester and Saw for taking the time to read and your sweet comments.
Yes I agree with your critique Mindbum, I never know quite how to end a poem and the last stanza doesn't seem to fit. I am not really familiar with the structure of a poem, basically the only thing I know about poetry is that I am compelled to write it.
Thanx Joel.....feel free to add or subtract whatever you want, I would love to see it........I'm here to learn.
This place probably could leak more information than a drug testing facility
Yes I agree with your critique Mindbum, I never know quite how to end a poem and the last stanza doesn't seem to fit. I am not really familiar with the structure of a poem, basically the only thing I know about poetry is that I am compelled to write it.
Thanx Joel.....feel free to add or subtract whatever you want, I would love to see it........I'm here to learn.
This place probably could leak more information than a drug testing facility
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
- diesel dyke
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Re: Erosion
Sorry
I got to use the L word
I Love this poem
I know nothing about poetry except I am compelled to read it.
I thought it was perfect as it is.
But don't mind me
as I said I know nothing about poetry.
I got to use the L word
I Love this poem
I know nothing about poetry except I am compelled to read it.
I thought it was perfect as it is.
But don't mind me
as I said I know nothing about poetry.
"We are made to be immortal, and yet we die. It's horrible, it can't be taken seriously. —ianeskimo"
Re: Erosion
Thanx Diesel I know what you mean and I only know what I like.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Re: Erosion
Hey, gandsharp, I have to apologize for the wording I used before...I didn't mean to sound like I would play with your poem or wording. I really like what you wrote...and I'm not a critic or teacher. I had just meant that I loved the idea (and your vocabulary) in "identifying the distance" and that I might have had to dwell on and play with that idea. Sorry if I sounded critical...hubris isn't my goal, just my pitfall.
"Every genuinely religious person is a heretic, and therefore a revolutionary" -- GBShaw
- justwalt
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Re: Erosion
i think the last verse is justfine...
assuming that this piece is about your grandpa, who passed. (?)
the verse being your questioning of why, (tempting death)...
if it is so, i t is natural to ask why... even fit about it.
it's the love that does that,
and the learning from it.
beautiful work,
keep it
walt
assuming that this piece is about your grandpa, who passed. (?)
the verse being your questioning of why, (tempting death)...
if it is so, i t is natural to ask why... even fit about it.
it's the love that does that,
and the learning from it.
beautiful work,
keep it
walt
many is a word
Re: Erosion
Thanx Joel but no apology needed you did not sound critical in the least.
Thanx Wait my grandfather has passed. He actually was struck by lightning 2x once while on a windmill and once while working on his well-drilling rig. He only had 2 whole fingers on both hands b/c of foolishness and or carelessness, whatever you want to call it. He was stubborn and tough as nails.
Sue
Thanx Wait my grandfather has passed. He actually was struck by lightning 2x once while on a windmill and once while working on his well-drilling rig. He only had 2 whole fingers on both hands b/c of foolishness and or carelessness, whatever you want to call it. He was stubborn and tough as nails.
Sue
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
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