image from meredy.com
"Come and get me, copper."
The Rules of Crime
for release 11-16-05
Washington D.C.
When I went to prison, I decided to make it a learning experience. I was, after all, entering the great University of Crime. I expected to come out knowing how to pick a lock, forge a check, crack a safe, pull off an armed robbery, engineer a pyramid scheme, cook meth seven different ways and make book on football games.
Soon I realized the sad truth. Yes, this was much like a university. This was where the unsuccessful criminals lived. The successful criminals were all at large and had offices on the 47th floor of some office building downtown.
One of my criminal mentors was Uncle John. He was one of the senior members of the Lakewood Rats. He supervised dope shipments and the delivery of bribes and other such administrative matters as well as providing an ethical center point for the gang. Uncle John imparted to us the rules of crime, such wisdom as, "Ya don't steal from your friends, you get with your friends and steal from somebody else," and, "Never take a shit too close to your back door, the smell will blow back in," and most important, "If you wanna break the big rules, you can't break the little rules."
In other words, If you are going to be driving a hundred pounds of pot across town, you need to obey the traffic laws and have your inspection sticker up to date. If a cop stops you for a broken tail light, that opens the can of worms. Pretty soon he's in your trunk and the cuffs come out.
Politicians would do well to take Uncle John's advice. If you are going to accomplish really significant and profitable crimes like launching bogus invasions or heisting billions with 'tax reform' or health care and prescription drug scams, then you can't break the little rules like telling lies to a grand jury.
Nixon discovered this. And Clinton. And now BushCo is about to get the news.
It's the little infractions that will trip you up every time. Watergate wasn't about the break-in, it was about the cover-up and then the revelation of a culture of dirty tricks and deception in our White House. Clinton's impeachment wasn't about a head job, it was about politics. And the Plamegate affair is not about who told what to whom, it's about a culture of theft and deception and twisting of words that is festering in our Executive Branch.
Sure, the outing of Valerie Plame and the attendant lies to the grand jury are not the real issues, they are only the broken tail light. The real issues are much deeper, in the trunk of the car, the hundred pounds of Kansas dope that these idiots tried to sell us in order to justify their foreign adventures. You can smoke about six joints of Kansas reefer before you realize that it's not getting you high. It looks like pot and it smells like pot, but it's really only rope. It reminds me of our current regime. It looks like a government and it smells like a government but it's really a Trojan Horse full of thieves and power crazed imperialists.
But people are starting to see through the illusion. Elections are coming up. BushCo would do well to remember another of Uncle John's maxims: "Many times can you shear a sheep, but only one time can you skin him."
The Poet's Eye has a fleeting vision: A cop stops the presidential limo, "Mr. Bush, you have a broken tail light. Would you please step out of the car. May I look in your trunk?"
Well, six white horses that you did promise
Were fin'lly delivered down to the penitentiary
But to live outside the law, you must be honest
I know you always say that you agree
But where are you tonight, sweet Marie?
---Absolutely Sweet Marie--Dylan
