cartoon from John Copeland III
You Better Watch Out
for release Christmas 2005
North Pole (AP)-
Sources in The Workshop today confirmed that SANTA (the Strategic All-knowing National Tattletale Agency) has been conducting secret, unwarranted surveillance of boys and girls both domestic and foreign.
Documents leaked to the press by elves within The Workshop indicate that, "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake."
The most troubling part of the document, according to the ACLU, is the passage that states, "He's making a list, he's checking it twice, he's gonna find out who's naughty and nice."
A spokesman for SANTA maintains that the agency has a Constitutional right to monitor the phone conversations and emails of both the naughty and the nice, just in case the nice can lead them to the naughty.
The president in his news conference said, "As long as I'm Commander in Chief my first priority will be to protect all the kids in girl and boyland. So, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why, it's cuz I'm the President and that gives me the right to do whatever the fuck I want. The Constitution is just a piece of paper."
Yet the president cited his role as Commander in Chief as described in the Constitution as his justification for ignoring the Constitution. He also claimed that the SANTA clause of the Patriot Act gave him statutory authority to tap our phones without court supervision just to see if we are being naughty or nice.
Senators from both sides of the aisle are asking for hearings on the subject. One senator said, "I think the president is exceeding his powers by authorizing unwarranted surveillance and mid-night surreptitious entries. Americans don't want a fat man in a red suit slipping down their chimney in the middle of the night and eating their cookies without a court order."
The Poet's Eye winks and wishes you a very Merry Christmas.
Bonus Cut
