Three to Get Ready

[sasha]

"So I asked him, if the fishing here's so lousy, why'd you insist on this spot? And he stammers and stutters, then blows some smoke about trying out his new lucky lure, or some such nonsense... Say, how come we're slowing down? The rain's letting up, visibility's a lot better now..."

"Yeah, it's easing up. I thought you had to take a leak back there. There's a good spot to pull over just up ahead."

"Me? Take a leak? Since when were you and my bladder on such intimate terms?"

"Didn't you say something about it back when we were piling into the car?"

"I dunno... Don't think so. Thanks, but I'm fine. I can wait."

"Oh. Okay. I just thought... I was sure you said you had to take a piss..."

"No... No, that's not what I said. What I said was, 'If it weren't raining so hard, it'd be nice to take a piss.' Nice to, not need to. There's a difference."

"Well, yeah, I guess... but..."

"Now, if I'd said 'You know, it'd be really nice to take a piss', that's a little closer to what you were prob'ly thinking. 'Really nice', you know, that's a whole lot better than just 'nice'. So 'really nice' very quietly hints at a bit more urgency. I didn't say it'd be 'really nice' to take a piss - just that it'd be nice. I might even have said 'might be nice'. 'Might be nice' introduces a whole 'nother nuance to the meaning. Sort of a take-it-or-leave-it kind of vibe. But I'm not sure if I said that. I might have conflated 'might be nice to take a piss' with 'be REALLY nice to get out of this rain', and it came out midway between as 'would be nice to take a piss'. Though 'would', in this context, was just contracted. Or would have been, it that's what I actually said."

"I... umm, yeah. Glad we're getting this sorted out."

"In fact, there's a whole hierarchy of urgencies to the voiding of urine, to the taking of leaks, as it were. The lowest is 'might be nice to take a piss' - meaning there's no real need, but should the opportunity arise, then a piss would not be out of the question, especially if there's no significant penalty in time. This is the baseline level - zero on the discomfort scale. Level 0 - no action required, but if an opportunity to pee for free arises, it'd be foolish not to take advantage of the moment. Could prevent or at least forestall a future bladder overload condition. Kind of like the low-cost term insurance you buy at the airport."

"I see. And when we got to the car..."

"If I said 'it might be nice', I was conveying that minimum level of zero urgency. But I don't recall exactly. If I said 'it WOULD be nice', then I wa at Level 1. Maybe an amber alert. Aware that I could piss if asked, but not particularly inclined to at that moment. Though I was also aware that a more pressing need could be approaching, even if still some distance off. Just 'It'd be nice to take a piss'. About as urgent as 'it'd be nice to find an oldies station on the radio'. It's not like the next level of urgency. That'd be Level 2. Level 2 is: 'it'd be REALLY nice to take a piss'. Now we're not just talking about some optional prophylactic measure, no, this is more than your impromptu just-in-case piss. This is a piss break worth putting on the docket, an item for the to-do list. Now we're talking about a piss with a better than even chance of eliciting a 'good thing I pissed when I could' at some point in the future. A Level 2 piss is proactive, it empties a bladder not yet full enough to be felt as such, but which very well might be when pissing has become inopportune. It's still a preventative measure, but one that mitigates the risk of a panic piss in the near future. It's passed the 'why not?' stage and become a 'good thing' ."

"Level 2. Huh. Who knew. Is there a Level 3?"

"Level 3 is 'I gotta take a piss'. Level 3 urgency is like when you're low enough on gas for the level warning light to flicker when you go around corners or hit the brakes, but not so low as to cause immediate concern. It's intermittent. Level 3 arrives when it's clear that if unaddressed, the need to piss will become critical. It's strongly recommended, not just a way to occupy a few seconds of otherwise idle time. A Level 3 piss defuses a potentially dangerous condition - if undone, the need could very well become top priority, all other considerations secondary. And if that happens, you've reached Level 4 - 'I REALLY gotta take a piss'. This is the fire alarm, the klaxon, the flashing red light. Level 4 calls for immediate remedial action - Now! , even at the risk of indecent exposure."

"Oh. No shit. Never knew that. Hmmph. Well... thanks for clearing all this up. It, uhh... Sure makes a lot more sense now."

"Not at all. Happy to set things straight. Hey, how come we're still pulling over?"

"I just gotta take a piss. Won't take long."
 

[judih]

this is definitely useful.
Appreciate rhe insight into rhe linguistics of the vernacular

[sasha]

Welcome to Pedantry 101!