Banished from Arcanum Cafe for Life

[Lightning Rod]

I just got banned from AC for posting this wide piece of satire

----

NEW ORLEANS (AP) -- A two-drug combination pill dramatically reduced deaths among blacks with heart failure, a landmark finding that is expected to lead to government approval of the first medication marketed for a specific race. The only side effects seem to be tolerable, a reduction of penis size in males and sterilization in females.

Black cardiologists hailed this form of racial profiling after years in which minorities got short shrift in medical studies. Others complained that the drug also might help whites and should have been tested in them, but wasn't for business reasons.

"At times you can't win," said Dr. Augustus Grant, past president of the Association of Black Cardiologists, which supported the study. "Here we have a wonderful trial that shows a clear result and the issue is raised, `Why was this trial only done in African Americans?' It's because whites don't normally have the penis size required in order to sustain the side effects."

The nationwide study is the largest ever done solely on blacks with heart failure. The findings were reported Monday at an American Heart Association meeting in New Orleans and will be published Thursday in the New England Journal of Medicine. The drug's maker plans to seek Food and Drug Administration approval by the end of the year. Government officials are considering dispensing the drug for free by means of a blister-pak attached to welfare checks.

---

I must be doing my job right.

[judih]

i was relieved when i saw your name back there again (temporarily banned, i thought). Then i saw the title of your post and knew its contents from here.

Banned for life. Stepped on the wrong somebody's toes. i guess Joe's been highly offended.

Bland, man, bland it down.

gotta appeal to everyone!
(as for me, i've put wentonto on a previously non-existent ignore list, so i don't have to endure her words)

where's the dynamic?
where have all the wild ones gone?


good morning

judih

[Lightning Rod]

I know, judih

comedy is a rough business

I know I'm doing my job right when I get banned from two sites in two weeks. haha

It's my big mouth, I guess.

I'm thinking of starting an underground 'free lightning rod' movement over at AC, just for amusement and humor.

humor is, after all, the last terrorist tool.

my card in the Tarot is The Joker
(that, and the Three of Cups)

[judih]

it's the right-leaning leftists who are the biggest enemy to enlightenment.

at least the self-confessed rightists come right out and ignore what they dont acknowledge.

black humour may be sick (psych) but it's part of the human repertoire.

when words are censored, we all fall into the tarpit

judih
(scuse my lack of comedy - but it's all a little devastating at this point)

[Zlatko Waterman]

"Dem bones, dem bones,
gwine . . . walk aroun . . ."

What would Red Garland say? He'd probably just laugh and take another snort.


--Z

[abcrystcats]

I saw your piece on Arcanum. I saw that you hadn't posted in several days. I knew that you had just gotten a TOS violation before all of this.

I figured you were trying to go down in a blaze of glory. You knew you were on the edge, so you decided to post something that would push you over, but good. You did.

This is not martyrdom. You chose it, knowing where you were going, even if you didn't know why.

I think knowing why is very important.

You are a rebel without a cause.

I prefer a cause.

[Doreen Peri]

cat... your assessment isn't the case

he posted a parody

they judged it as a quote because the article was quoted within the parody

the only "cause" was art and humor.

nothing more.

if you have some time, please find my George Carlin post on the discussion board ( or 'culture'?... i think discussion)... excellent interview with portions of it addressing the exact same topic

We all should have a cause.

LR is a rebel with several.

I have my own, as well.

[Zlatko Waterman]

Dear LR:


About 1971 I got into a bit of trouble posting this parody from The National Lampoon on a physical bulletin board ( there was no Internet, of course) in graduate school. Even then, when "mellowness" and "political correctness" weren't fully developed ( except dope mellowness), folks were awfully sensitive. Comedy, as you said LR, can be risky business.

--Z

( leading text below by JB Morris, not by me . . .)





The Deteriorata Parody
Entered by jbmorris@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu, November, 1992



Ok. Here's as much of the story as I know:
Desiderata means those things desired as essential.

In 1906, someone named Max Ehrmann wrote a piece of prose entitled
"Desiderata". In the 1971, a TV talk-show host from San Francisco,
Les Crane, did the spoken-word parts on a record of the same name.

On the 45, Warner Brothers 7520, the piece was credited to the producer,
Fred Werner. The song peaked at #8 in Billboard. The words were also
printed up on wall posters.

At the time, it was said that the piece was written in 1692, but that
proved to be false. This misconception has been reported to be on
account of the words being printed in some book opposite the page of
a photograph of a church identified as built in 1692.
[Above info thanks to David Chesler (davidc@ptltd.com)]

At any rate, National Lampoon did a great parody of it on their album
_Radio Dinner_, Banana/Blue Thumb Records BTS-38, 1972. The parody
was written by Christopher Guest. The narrator is Norman Rose and the
singing is by the then little-known Melissa Manchester. The voice
sounds so much like the original and it is delivered with such a
straight face, you just have to hear it. For those who haven't,
here's the lyrics as a substitute. First, the lyrics to "Desiderata"
as they were in the song, and then National Lampoon's version,
"Deteriorata". These are the spoken word parts. In addition, the
stanza beginning with "You are a child/fluke..." is sung as a chorus.



"Desiderata" - Les Crane

Desiderata. Desiderata. Desiderata.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender,
Be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others -
Even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons - they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career - However humble,
It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
For the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is.

Many persons strive for high ideals,
And everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection, neither be cynical about love.
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
It is as perenial as the grass.

Take kindly the council of the years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune,

But do not distress yourself with imaginings -
Many fears are borne of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe.
No less than the trees and the stars,
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
Keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful. Strive to be happy.



"Deteriorata" - National Lampoon

You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here.
Deteriorata. Deteriorata.

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.

Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss, and _when_.

Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.

Wherever possible, put people on hold.

Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
and despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.

Remember The Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.

Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you -
That lemon on your left, for instance.

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.

Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds,
Clean air, tuna, Taiwan.
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Candy.

Take heart in the deepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.

And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your god,
Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.

Give up!

[abcrystcats]

Perhaps you're right, Doreen. People have no sense of humor anymore. What little humor I ever had dried up long ago so it's easier for me to understand the misunderstanding at Arcanum.

On the other hand, maybe Lightning Rod's satire wouldn't have been so important if he had not already had two TOS violations racked up. Maybe they were looking for an excuse to banish him.

Is he truly "banished for life" or just for the six months with return subject to review by the moderators? I can't imagine anyone wanting L-Rod off the board FOREVER ! He's a great contributor.

He just doesn't suffer fools lightly. I don't blame him, but having been a fool a few times myself I tend to be more patient.

[abcrystcats]

Zlatko -- in spite of my dessicated sense of humor, I got a good chuckle out of "Deteriorata" -- thanks!

[Arcadia]

what a coincidence!!. Somobody told me about desiderata and the puma Rodriguez version some days ago and looked at me as an alien because I didn´t know it. I like the deteriorata version. Maybe I´ll do a translation of it later.

[izeveryboyin]

As a black woman who in her very short an uneventful sex life has slept with both a white man and a black one, I'd have to say in all honesty that the myth is not always true. The white guy surprisingly enough was more endowed, but the black did however have more skill. Put that in a box and wrap it with a bow. lol.
Kayla

[Lightning Rod]

Kayla,

I grew up with this wisdom:

"Its not how deep the well
or how long the rope,
it's how you swing the bucket."

[magicmystery]

AWE GEEEZ, Rod, Not another one... I remember you and Doreen on PIP... It's disappointing to say the least that you have met such unceramonious ends at the hands of administrators with narrow views and smaller minds. But then again, had you not, you wouldn't have been inspired so readily to build a site like this for those of us that like to tell it and hear it unsensored.

BTW... I laughed my ass off at your parady.... although, I have to agree with Kayla....

and I have another saying for you:

It's not length or strength of the wand,
But how the magician conjures with it.

(married to an amature magician..... LOL)

Sherry

[judih]

you've revived this!
i'd forgotten - how soon one forgets the rebel refusing to slide down the proverbial chute.
(what proverb? who cares - there should be such a proverb)

magicians, forever!

but beware of their Spells...(i live with one who's decided to swear off casting spells, but you never know..)