The Poet's Eye
commentary by Lightning
Rod
the Poets' Eye is skeptical
without being cynical, innocent
without being naive and
critical without being
judgemental
Celebritocracy
06-28-04
Maybe it's
just that I'm getting old and senile. I have trouble distinguishing the
tabloid entertainment shows from the news programs on TV. We live in a
Celebritocracy.
I can't tell the difference between Janet Jackson baring her tit at the
Super Bowl and Dick Cheney saying the F-word on the Senate floor. It all
seems like entertainment to me. I keep getting Michael Jackson's sex scandals
mixed up with Bill Clinton's.
I don't know if Arnold Schwarzenegger is an actor or a governor. I shouldn't
even mention Ronald Reagan's funeral--the biggest for an actor since Valentino's.
And how does Jeri Ryan fit into all of this Star Trek politics? Is Michael
Moore a film maker or a politician? This is all a vast mystery to me.
Why hasn't a major political party nominated Martin Sheen for president?
What's the matter with these people? Don't they know that the line between
fantasy and reality has been hopelessly blurred? I'm not a real columnist
but an actor who plays a columnist on TV.
I want Cyndi Lauper as our ambassador to the United Nations. Purple hair
will do wonders for the look of the Security Council and Entertainment
Tonight could cover the meetings, especially if she does her rendition
of Iraqi's Just Wanna Have Fun.
OK, back to the news. Is The Passion of Christ really about Jesus or is
it about Mel Gibson? Hear Mel and the Son of Man discuss the burning question
on this week's Meet The Press.
If the War in Iraq was created by Industrial Light and Magic, it would
not surprise me. But the special effects keep coming home in flag-draped
coffins. I guess you could call it reality TV.
Donald Trump bases his career on the reputation that he has more money
than God. If this is true, then why does he rent himself out to cheesy
TV shows? I'd like to see his credit card bills. Much as the currency
is paper backed by nothing but confidence, the principal players in our
Celebritocacy live and die by their reputations. You must believe that
Ben Stein is smart for him to be smart. Otherwise he's just a talking
head who claims to be rich. And as anybody knows, rich is as good as smart
(example--Ross Perot.)
When Monica slams Bill in the world press, he loves it. It sells books.
When all Jewry is incensed by Mel's movie, he is delighted. When Fahrenheit
911 is rated R and excoriated by the conservative press, Michael Moore
clips his coupons because he knows that it doesn't matter what they say
about him as long as they spell his name right.
The socially forward thinking thing to do would be to dispense with politicians
altogether and replace them with actors and athletes. It's what we really
want--royalty. If we just turned the mundane business of government over
to those who do it best, the bureaucrats, then we could let our Representatives
and Senators and Presidents do what they do best--be rich and beautiful
and live in lavish homes and have idyllic lifestyles which are constantly
filmed for TV tabloid shows. This would also give them more time to have
sex scandals and write tell-all books. That's ever so much more glamorous
and entertaining than having to worry about petty details like Social
Security and Healthcare. I know Michael Moore made a big thing of the
president playing golf, but something tells me that this country would
be much better off if Bush played golf every day.
Who would you rather have as your Supreme Court Justices, Ruth Bader Ginsburg
and Sandra Day O'Conner or Brittany Spears and Pink? It could give a whole
new meaning to the term "split decision." Charlton Heston would
make a picture perfect Chief Justice. At least we would know that the
second amendment was safe. He could deliver the decisions by descending
the Supreme Court steps in robes carrying the tablets. If his is a dissenting
opinion, he can smash them. Great TV. If professional wrestlers were our
Senators, we could have full-contact floor debate. It would become so
popular that C-Span could sell advertising.
In a couple of days we are going to declare democracy in Iraq. It appears
that the imperial Bush junta is going to handle the country in much the
same way that the Romans handled Palestine at the time of Christ. Let
the people have Herod but make Herod answerable to Pontius Pilate. Our
centurions will still be garrisoned there and it's just too bad that Victor
Mature is not around to play Pilate. We'll have to settle for Pierce Brosnan
or Powers Boothe.
If the ad men at Bushco are not asleep at the wheel, they will hire Spielburg
to direct a movie about the invention of democracy in Iraq. Tom Hanks
could be in there somewhere just for believability and there would be
Saving Private Ryan scenes of Shock & Awe, but the heartwarming outcome
(the signing of an Iraqi Constitution) would be more like Schindler's
List or ET. The scene would be in sepia and resemble the picture on the
back of a two dollar bill. The American public would buy it hook line
and sinker and Bushco could just keep on pumping oil.
The Poet's Eyes sees a day when all officeholders will have corporate
sponsors just like TV shows. We can merge the Republicrat Conventions
with the Academy Awards. Wait, that day is already here.
•
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