Living Will

[Lightning Rod]

Here is my living will.

Should I ever become incapacitated with an injury or illness and there is no hope for recovery or if said recovery is measured in years, I wish to have the following things done:

(1.) Even if I don't have the consciousness to get it up, I want my cock sucked for one hour.
(2.) In my feeding tube I want lobster bisque and single-malt whiskey.
(3.) Turn the music up. Theolonius Monk please.
(4.) In my breathing tube I want nitrous oxide and marijuana smoke.
(5.) Begin injecting 1 grain of morphine every five minutes until you see the final smile.

sealed and signed by Lightning Rod
this fifth day of April in the year of our lord 2005

Lightning Rod


what would your living will look like?

[izeveryboyin]

From the desks of and underaged spinster:

Should I ever become deathly ill, severly injured, or if my lungs finally crap out because of all the cigarette smoke, I would like to: be cremated, have Jack Kerouac bedtime stories read to me every night until I die, be able to see George Bush assassinated (even if a cheap simulation for my own personal benefit), have sex with a man from Costa Rican whose name starts with a J, spit in the face of Dave Barry in jealousy, pee on the steps of the Vatican while all of Rome watches, write a completely crappy editorial about the dangers of rubber bands for the Washington Post, become president for three minutes in which I would mandate fidel Castro's rule over the state of Texas (Vive la revolutione!), Get legally married to a bottle of Jack Daniels and proceed to drink it all, as serious relationships frighten me and it would never have worked out anyway, father a love child with Donald Trump, set fire to the school Bush's daughter is going to teach at, Have a wild drug party with the cast from Dawson's Creek then get them all arrested and finally... devirginize all of the Disney channel stars.

These things I mandate, declare, authorize and sign truly and sincerley, izeveryboyin, on this day, the 5th of April in the year of that old guy who lives in the sky 2005.

--k

what doya think?

[Arcadia]

iz: the Castro thing sounds perfect.

l-rod: enough morphine to stop breathing at soon as possible for me, I can imagine the rest myself.

[Lightning Rod]

I thought this was funny

from someone's blog

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I, __________________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and body, unequivocally declare that in the event of a catastrophic injury, I do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. I hereby instruct my loved ones and relatives to remove any and all life-support systems, once it has been determined that my brain is longer functioning in a cognizant realm. However that judgment should be made only after thorough consultation with medical experts; i.e., individuals who actually have been trained, educated and certified as doctors.

Under no circumstances -- and I can't state this too strongly -- should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it. Furthermore, it is my firm hope that, whenever 'the time' does comes, any discussion about terminating my medical treatment should remain private and confidential.

Living in Florida, however, I am acutely aware that the legislative and executive branches of state government are fond of meddling in family matters, and have little concern for the privacy and dignity of individuals.

Therefore, I wish to make my views on this subject as clear and unambiguous as possible.
Recognizing that some politicians seem cerebrally challenged themselves (and with no medical excuse), I'll try to keep this simple and to the point:

1. While remaining sensitive to the feelings of any loved ones who might cling to hope for my recovery, let me state that if a reasonable amount of time passes -- say, ________ (fill in the blank) months -- and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

2. Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads will mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and the future of the millions of Floridians who aren't in a permanent coma.

3. Under no circumstances shall any governor of Florida butt into this case and order my doctors to put a feeding tube down my throat. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes he's trying to scrounge for his run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that he plays politics with someone else's life and leaves me to die in peace.

4. I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.

5. It is my heartfelt wish to expire quietly and without a public spectacle. This is obviously impossible once any elected officials become involved. So, while recognizing the wrenching emotions that attend the prolonged death of a loved one, I hereby instruct my relatives to settle all disagreements about my care in private or in the courts, as provided by law.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living _______ (something you can't say on the Internet)

I wonder if this would hold up in court?

[WIREMAN]

I bear witness LRod.............04/06/05

[izeveryboyin]

I bear witness... 4/6/05

Keep the madness comin LROd

--k

[mousey1]

Vegetables belong in the garden
So plant me