ugh, it wasn't kissing a women, it wasn't telling my friends, it wasn't even telling my faimly i was gay.
no it happened today. I told a perfectly handsome, cute , patcient, educated, suitable man- with similar interest as mine that I could be his Wingman. I didn't even leave the door open, no cop out- oh I'm some what attracted to men-sometimes.
No. Infact part of me feels a little weird, like I just waved a chance at normal heterosexuality goodbye. I mean there was nothing wrong with this guy, in fact i hope we become best buds!
I said no thanks, i mean he didn't out right offer but it was quite clear he could have been into me- and i could have batted an eye and i didn't.
I man i'm not questioning my sexuality, i guess its just weird, i've never made a choice like that before.
maybe i just liked him too much to lie to him and myself. weird. really weird. I mean good for me, but still....its kind of a hard choice to make you know.
i guess this is it? maybe the gods will smile on me?
weird. weird. weird.
The gayist thing i've ever done-what?
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judih
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welcome to a moment of clarity. It's a fine thing - knowing for sure what you want and doing what you mean (no coercion, no false paths, no painting yourself into a corner) - out and out sincerity.
i say: congratulations on being yourself at a moment when being yourself was a statement of strength and confidence.
i say: congratulations on being yourself at a moment when being yourself was a statement of strength and confidence.
in your book, attraction doesn't necessarily mean sexual attraction, does it? even if you had a 'charge' from this man, why would it follow that you somehow need to question your lifestyle? am i missing something here, K&D ?
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no your not missing anything. Its tempting, the thought sometime of being straight. Sometimes I use to wonder/think i had a choice in the matter- and i kind of feel like a couple of months ago i would have tried to have a more intimate relationship with this man for two reasons 1. well what the hell, maybe i'll get lucky and get to lead a preproscribed easier "lifestyle" and 2. I probably would have not been able as Judith has commented to be able to destinguish my affinity with this guy from the sort of attraction i have for women.
Judith your comment was really cool because no one tells you when your growing up what it feels like to want to sleep with someone/ vs feeling a connection with someone right off the bat- because to me they are both "physical" but completly different.
I use to really look up to older male professors when i was young, esp teckies and i use to think g god does this mean i'm some weirdo attracted to older men and it was cool meeting this guy that i met yesterday because i had a similar "wow, this guys cool" feeling and because he was approachable and my own age i ould tell maybe for the first time that what i was feeling was not sexual at all- but still a valid feeling. I mean i know i don't have to put it into categories but today for the first time i am putting the feelings into categories, but not out of fear- out of actual reality.
so yeah i guess its a good day!
Judith your comment was really cool because no one tells you when your growing up what it feels like to want to sleep with someone/ vs feeling a connection with someone right off the bat- because to me they are both "physical" but completly different.
I use to really look up to older male professors when i was young, esp teckies and i use to think g god does this mean i'm some weirdo attracted to older men and it was cool meeting this guy that i met yesterday because i had a similar "wow, this guys cool" feeling and because he was approachable and my own age i ould tell maybe for the first time that what i was feeling was not sexual at all- but still a valid feeling. I mean i know i don't have to put it into categories but today for the first time i am putting the feelings into categories, but not out of fear- out of actual reality.
so yeah i guess its a good day!
Blah!
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Doreen Peri
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it doesn't have to be about sex. ... you could do what most married couples do ... sleep in separate bedrooms... lol
just trying to give you a laugh
as for what you posted here... sounds as if you had an attraction to this guy which made you question for a second your orientation... that's cool.... you quickly stopped questioning it 'cause you know who you are... and that's very cool!
if i could be gay, i would ... i get along great with women
unfortunately, i can't
sighhhh
we are what we are... best to be true to ourselves
just trying to give you a laugh
as for what you posted here... sounds as if you had an attraction to this guy which made you question for a second your orientation... that's cool.... you quickly stopped questioning it 'cause you know who you are... and that's very cool!
if i could be gay, i would ... i get along great with women
unfortunately, i can't
sighhhh
we are what we are... best to be true to ourselves
a man of your own age felt attracted to you and you to him!!! wow, enjoy it, friend!!!!! some more years and most of the men (if not all of them) attracted to you will be too young or too old or too busy!!!!! 
(well, at least in these lands!!).
I think there´s nothing like a normal sexuality as a generality, cool that you´re exploring your own!!!
best wishes!!!!!!!
(well, at least in these lands!!). I think there´s nothing like a normal sexuality as a generality, cool that you´re exploring your own!!!
best wishes!!!!!!!methinks, K&D, you are more concerned (today anyway) with being a gender-specific rather than an authentic, honest person who prefers no labels to describe their personal lives, feelings and ideals.
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Allow not destiny to intrude upon Now
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Lightning Rod
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for all the years that I've known you alyson
one thing that I have always admired about you was your analytical ability. Once I got over your lysdexic spelling etc. I saw that you were really thinking things out. It's no accident that you would turn your analytic eye on yourself.
I think you are doing a good job. You are clear-eyed and unafraid to be honest with yourself and others. The blocks are falling into place.
one thing that I have always admired about you was your analytical ability. Once I got over your lysdexic spelling etc. I saw that you were really thinking things out. It's no accident that you would turn your analytic eye on yourself.
I think you are doing a good job. You are clear-eyed and unafraid to be honest with yourself and others. The blocks are falling into place.
maybe it was just him- meaning maybe today i have to potential still of being attracted to men- and i suppose i'm still open to the idea- if it were to happen, so in that way I suppose i still refuse to label myself lesbian (also cause i hate the word, and seriously does it make that much of a difference for us to give it its own sexual label- no one goes around calling you guys straight all the time)
but i do feel more clear. Its also really reasuring that there are different types of attraction.
I really like ancient greek philosophy when it comes to the subject of eros.
Eros is really funny (or some might say tragic-like that poem you wrote Clay) You have absolutly no control over it. I could feel eros for a complete stranger- who i have nothing in common with and certainly isn't good for me- and i have before.
why should it be like this-it doesn't make much logical sense. Other then Eros if you let it might guide you into new places where rational and thymos though they are great and completly nessisary might keep you going in the same direction.
why else would we take a chance on something totally weird and otu of the blue/potentially riskfull/poetentially totally wrong and totally out of character?
Plato- to think he wrote about this subject so long before i was born- i suppose he's had a lot of people carry the word on- shakespeare, Wilde...etc etc
mtmynd- if asked- well first 1. are you asked to describe your sexuality? or do people assume your straight 2. how would you describe your sexuality? I think queer people whether gender queer or gay are often asked to explain themselves and though i don't think we should be asked we are because of society in a position to think about our sexuality and sometimes i think it is an o.k thing. If i were born attracted to men then maybe i wouldn't have the opportunity to realize that things are less black and white then that. i think that would have been a shame too.
I feel sometimes that as a non-heterosexual i am asked to defend myself and then critized for labeling myself- or thinking too much about it- its kind of like being a women- you feel your being watched and then you "throw like a girl" because you feel your being veiwed- then your critizied for throwing like a girl and then you feel your being watched again. skrewed if you do skrewed if you don't.
but i do feel more clear. Its also really reasuring that there are different types of attraction.
I really like ancient greek philosophy when it comes to the subject of eros.
Eros is really funny (or some might say tragic-like that poem you wrote Clay) You have absolutly no control over it. I could feel eros for a complete stranger- who i have nothing in common with and certainly isn't good for me- and i have before.
why should it be like this-it doesn't make much logical sense. Other then Eros if you let it might guide you into new places where rational and thymos though they are great and completly nessisary might keep you going in the same direction.
why else would we take a chance on something totally weird and otu of the blue/potentially riskfull/poetentially totally wrong and totally out of character?
Plato- to think he wrote about this subject so long before i was born- i suppose he's had a lot of people carry the word on- shakespeare, Wilde...etc etc
mtmynd- if asked- well first 1. are you asked to describe your sexuality? or do people assume your straight 2. how would you describe your sexuality? I think queer people whether gender queer or gay are often asked to explain themselves and though i don't think we should be asked we are because of society in a position to think about our sexuality and sometimes i think it is an o.k thing. If i were born attracted to men then maybe i wouldn't have the opportunity to realize that things are less black and white then that. i think that would have been a shame too.
I feel sometimes that as a non-heterosexual i am asked to defend myself and then critized for labeling myself- or thinking too much about it- its kind of like being a women- you feel your being watched and then you "throw like a girl" because you feel your being veiwed- then your critizied for throwing like a girl and then you feel your being watched again. skrewed if you do skrewed if you don't.
Blah!
K&D : "1. are you asked to describe your sexuality? or do people assume your straight "
at my age, K&D, people could care less what i am!
i was having a conversation years ago with an old friend of mine, (who happens to be gay), and told him that the one thing that bothers me about gay folks is that they always seem to remind people that they're gay as if most people really give a damn what you are when you're thinking about sex. Think about it - straight people don't always tell others, "i'm heterosexual!" i personally don't think we're sexually anything unless we're either horny or into having sex with a partner then we find ourselves attracted to or wishing for either an opposite-sex partner or a same-sex partner, depending upon our leaning.
when i'm discussing music or art or even the political situation, am I heterosexual? am i homosexual? what if i'm in a conversation with someone about gardening or about cars... should sexual preference alter the conversation? i mean, we're not expected to have sex with everyone we meet or talk to, are we? of course not.
at my age, K&D, people could care less what i am!
i was having a conversation years ago with an old friend of mine, (who happens to be gay), and told him that the one thing that bothers me about gay folks is that they always seem to remind people that they're gay as if most people really give a damn what you are when you're thinking about sex. Think about it - straight people don't always tell others, "i'm heterosexual!" i personally don't think we're sexually anything unless we're either horny or into having sex with a partner then we find ourselves attracted to or wishing for either an opposite-sex partner or a same-sex partner, depending upon our leaning.
when i'm discussing music or art or even the political situation, am I heterosexual? am i homosexual? what if i'm in a conversation with someone about gardening or about cars... should sexual preference alter the conversation? i mean, we're not expected to have sex with everyone we meet or talk to, are we? of course not.
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Allow not destiny to intrude upon Now
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I bet you don't think of yourself as "male" either. The privledge of being "heterosexual" is you don't have to think about yourself as anything- you are the norm- even though the fact, i believe, is that you are "heterosexual" is more prevasive then you think. Like how I don't think about the fact that I'm white- and in someways i owe my life to being white.
Clay constantly reminds me that he's not only heterosexual but male to the point where it is as if sometimes I feel he is trying to defend himself--its probably a little bit him and a little bit me. I am constantly reminded that people are heterosexual. I should start pointing out to people- it would be shocking if everytime i was with friends or read something i pointed out- how heteronormative what you just said was.
I think both Smilegirl and G-myst also write what i would sometimes describe as heteronormative poems- or at least gender normalizing poems. Your ideas on Yin and Yang to me kind of come off heteronormative- its o.k though.
people don't ask you what your sexuality is because they assume you are straight. Isn't that interesting? Your experience as a heterosexual has been in someways very different from mine- your being white and male makes that fact even more true i believe. people just don't think about it because they don't have to.
in general I feel more and more like sexuality is extremely important to everyone- especially myself and Clay
but seriously think about the erotic and audri Lorde- think art is a little bit like disocvering your erotic and who you are.
I've seen poems from Doreen and Hester and Smilegirl which are very much "sexuality" related but not just about sex- more about a certain spirit you know...and thats just been in the last couple of weeks : )
Clay constantly reminds me that he's not only heterosexual but male to the point where it is as if sometimes I feel he is trying to defend himself--its probably a little bit him and a little bit me. I am constantly reminded that people are heterosexual. I should start pointing out to people- it would be shocking if everytime i was with friends or read something i pointed out- how heteronormative what you just said was.
I think both Smilegirl and G-myst also write what i would sometimes describe as heteronormative poems- or at least gender normalizing poems. Your ideas on Yin and Yang to me kind of come off heteronormative- its o.k though.
people don't ask you what your sexuality is because they assume you are straight. Isn't that interesting? Your experience as a heterosexual has been in someways very different from mine- your being white and male makes that fact even more true i believe. people just don't think about it because they don't have to.
in general I feel more and more like sexuality is extremely important to everyone- especially myself and Clay
but seriously think about the erotic and audri Lorde- think art is a little bit like disocvering your erotic and who you are.
I've seen poems from Doreen and Hester and Smilegirl which are very much "sexuality" related but not just about sex- more about a certain spirit you know...and thats just been in the last couple of weeks : )
Blah!
dubble post woopss
Last edited by K&D on February 22nd, 2009, 6:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Blah!
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hester_prynne
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K&D : "I bet you don't think of yourself as 'male' either. The privledge of being "heterosexual" is you don't have to think about yourself as anything- you are the norm- even though the fact, i believe, is that you are 'heterosexual' is more prevasive then you think."
You're right. I don't think of myself as being male nor do I think of myself as not being male... I just am and react to my nature, that which I was born to be, born with... knowing myself well enough to be.
But wouldn't you agree that is how all people should be - just themselves the way nature intended? I know you do.
Being our self if a learning experience that very well can take years of experiencing, assimilating those experiences, creating the authentic 'you' ... this is not a simple task. That is why people go through growth areas, making mistakes and meeting a variety of influences. We are not born old and mature enough to live life on our own after we learn to walk. Enjoy growth and learn as much as we can about ourselves thru our experiences. The fewer labels we go thru life using the more open and knowledgeable we can become... boundless and free spirited! You are on the path... good luck, K&D!
You're right. I don't think of myself as being male nor do I think of myself as not being male... I just am and react to my nature, that which I was born to be, born with... knowing myself well enough to be.
But wouldn't you agree that is how all people should be - just themselves the way nature intended? I know you do.
Being our self if a learning experience that very well can take years of experiencing, assimilating those experiences, creating the authentic 'you' ... this is not a simple task. That is why people go through growth areas, making mistakes and meeting a variety of influences. We are not born old and mature enough to live life on our own after we learn to walk. Enjoy growth and learn as much as we can about ourselves thru our experiences. The fewer labels we go thru life using the more open and knowledgeable we can become... boundless and free spirited! You are on the path... good luck, K&D!
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Allow not destiny to intrude upon Now
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Allow not destiny to intrude upon Now
It's my contention that attraction is what's universal, and that societal conditioning imposes upon us the conviction that we must live one way or the other, be one thing or the other.
Admittedly, this is not a popular contention, considering the ongoing politicization of sexuality, i/e sexual choice, i/e, i/e choosing which attractions to follow or not.
Peace,
Barry
Admittedly, this is not a popular contention, considering the ongoing politicization of sexuality, i/e sexual choice, i/e, i/e choosing which attractions to follow or not.
Peace,
Barry
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