Thank you all! You're gems! I love you all!
Here are some more I'm working with to put into
the show somehow...
of course, I stole them somewhere, just like I'm stealing your lines.
*shrug*
"A good writer borrows. A great writer steals." - Archibald MacLeish
________________
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Happiness is a good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good man... or a bad man, depending on how much happiness you can stand.
We often think the way Doreen talks, but we pride ourselves that we never talk the way Doreen thinks.
You know you're getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a man who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I've always wanted to be somebody. In fact, I prayed for it! But I guess I should have been more specific.
One out of every three people in the world is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
