Try not to hurt my feelings

[izeveryboyin]

I am fighting with my boyfirend because he's sick of me stressing over the pregnancy. Even more devastating is the fact that I can't hold a grudge because I am also sick of me stressing over the pregnancy. What can be done? He wants to move to New York. I don't. His father's coming from Tulsa and I'm meeting him for the first time next week. Freaked out cannot cover it. If this guy hates me I'm pretty sure I'll spend at least two days crying on the floor of the shower in utter dismay. These things happen. Since I've been pregnant I have gained 15 pounds. Also my belly looks something like a water balloon, ripe for the throwing. On occasion this thought amuses me. Most days it makes me frown in the mirror and go *sigh* "I'm carrying a water balloon". Feeling the baby move for the first time over the last week or so has really been exciting for us. But then again, we were just as thrilled to discover apples were on sale at the grocery store around the corner, so I'm not sure what that means. My mother told me she entered us into a raffle for a baby crib and I cried when I hugged her. Hormones are pretty much the worse. I missed an interview yesterday afternoon b/c I was running late and had to turn around midway to the train to go pee. I am also, along with the rest of the city, under constant attack from scary, gigantic snow drifts that give the illusion of being shallow when they are really up to your belly-button. Also Mother Nature has decided she likes the temperature best when everything feels like her freezer. Life is so interesting. Sometimes I think very hard and it hurts my bottom. Then I realize I've been sitting on the hardwood floor for too long and go eat a sandwich. I am so whole-heartedly myself these days. Have you noticed?

--k

[tinkerjack]

Before The Next Tear Drop Falls

[e_dog]

eeling the baby move for the first time over the last week or so has really been exciting for us. But then again, we were just as thrilled to discover apples were on sale at the grocery store around the corner, so I'm not sure what that means.

That's classic.

[singlemalt]

we don't know each other. we have never met. we traded a few messages on s8 forums, but that is the extent of our relationship. so you can take this for what it's worth.

i have two young kids. i have a wife and a family in chicago. having a child is tough. raising a child is tougher. it is very rewarding, but a lot of work - even with a support group.

it sounds like you need some kind of support group, not in nyc, not over the internet, but in chicago. yeah, the hormones are raging, but you need people to keep you grounded. you can pull this off. come on, millions of single women have. but you really need family and friends where you live to help you out. you might also want to check out some single mother groups or something like that so you can bounce ideas off of women in similar situations.

i'm not trying to be some kind of know it all and it's pretty presumtuous of me to offer you advice when i don't know you. but there are ways to help you out. this should be a very positive and loving time for you. i hope you can experience it that way.

[stilltrucking]

I never had any children
But what you say makes sense singlemalt

Maybe it is not a good time to move to NYC
away from family and friends

But then again maybe it is a good thing
I don't know, I got no advice to give.

Except to say please keep on writing Kayla
You are a writer and that is a support too

please keep on writing Kayla
it keeps me from fading away.

He will be a forunate son to have a mother like you.
I think i'll bake an apple pie in your honor.

[izeveryboyin]

Well, I'm single in the sense that I'm not married, but I am with the guy who knocked me up, and most of the single mother groups in the city are for mothers who are truly single. Do I need a support group? Probably. I'm a mess sometimes, but my mom is supporting me which is more than I could ask for and sometimes my boyfriend and I agree which is great when it happens. Beyond that, I suppose I couldn't really ask for more. As a writer I find that I pay too much attention to other people's problems and they end up bringing me down. A support group might turn me into an infantile trainwreck a lot faster than what I'm doing would. I do, despite hardly knowing you, appreciate your concern and even your attempt at advice, but I think it's hard for a man, a married man no less to know what's best for my situation. Either way, as the saying goes "I love you for trying". I was venting in this piece, yes, but I'm not always quite that emotional. Writing is my freeing excercise. It keeps me from killing things. I'm glad you bothered to read the whole thing. (you did, didn't you? lol) ST, can you send me some of that pie by airmail? I'd love some.

--k

[singlemalt]

see, i read this thinking your bf was in ny. for some reason i got the sense that he was in ny and your mom wasn't helping that much. guess i wasn't paying attention, which i do sometimes.

and why does bf want to move to ny anyway?

[stilltrucking]

I used granny smith apples
It looks kind of weird green
But taste delicious

[izeveryboyin]

He was in New York at the start of the year and made some pretty good contacts, plus some of his family lives out there and he just really likes the city. I love New York, and I was going to move there myself not too long ago, but now during this pregnancy I think it's a good idea to just stay put. ST, the pie looks really good. I'm going to have a tub of ice cream and dream about it.

--k

[stilltrucking]

It was pretty good..

A friend of mine once asked john prine where was the best place to go to be discovered. He said "where ever you are."

Yeah I remember you talking about wanting to go to new york last year. What is happening with college?

[judih]

hey, K.
It's utterly normal to be nuts during pregnancy.
And every day can be different - sudden swooshes of energy and then a week of exhaustion. Peeing all the time! Myself, i had constant nausea with all 4 kids - boy/girl - didn't matter.
Yet with one kid i couldn't bear the smell of brown rice or cumin, with another i could only eat junk food like falafel and pizza. With another, i was eating a kilo of strawberries and with the final, on the kibbutz, whenever i went outside, i could only smell the heavy eau of cowshed and oh, my.

Now, about the support group business. Never think of support group as merely that.
You find support by being with other women around your stage of pregnancy. It's cool to compare stomachs, weight gains and laughter.
i found support in a Dancing Through Pregnancy course ( a kind of yoga, movement thing); a pre-natal exercise class; the mandatory LaMaze pre-birth lessons and in reading just about every book there was.

Support comes in being with those who understand the physical changes. It just makes everything feel less solitary.

There's a time to be alone and write and think and ponder and there are times when the balance of being with others is needed.

About weight gain - i'm tiny and my weight gain with each kid no matter what i ate was 14 kilos (30 pounds). i exercised the whole way through the pregnancy (exercises suitable for pregnant joints and taught by a wonderful physiotherapist), and afterwards, i nursed my kids till we discussed stopping (me and the kid, that is). The weight came off after about 9 months - just like the amount of time it took to gain it.

It's all good.
It'll be fine.
And my mantra? If others can do this, so can i.
If women used to crouch down, give birth and go back to work in the fields, well, then i can bloody well go through pregnancy, have a baby and continue on with my life. And i did and i am, and that mantra still helps.

love!
judih