What do you look for in a partner?
I know I'm jumping in unasked, but this is a question that I've been pondering...so here are my two cents.
I want a man who sees me - the real one under the layers and veneers that we present to the world - and loves me wholeheartedly anyway. And allows me to see his flaws and faults as well, so that I can love him the same.
...and wants to support me getting whereever I have to go to be complete in whatever way needed - be it financially or by staying home. And realize that he may not be the only thing needed to make me that way.
...and laughs with me, especially in bed.
...and will dance in the rain, just because I want to.
...he will give me what I want and need, not just what he wants to give.
Impossible, improbable that he exists, but...I know in my heart that he does
I want a man who sees me - the real one under the layers and veneers that we present to the world - and loves me wholeheartedly anyway. And allows me to see his flaws and faults as well, so that I can love him the same.
...and wants to support me getting whereever I have to go to be complete in whatever way needed - be it financially or by staying home. And realize that he may not be the only thing needed to make me that way.
...and laughs with me, especially in bed.
...and will dance in the rain, just because I want to.
...he will give me what I want and need, not just what he wants to give.
Impossible, improbable that he exists, but...I know in my heart that he does
immeasurable...illogical...infinity squared
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Doreen Peri
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Yes! Well said, SooZ!sooZen wrote: Secondly, a perfect mate must like women, like to be in our company, like how our brains work (viva la...!) He must not be intimidated or feel the compulsion to beat us down in order to feel superior. He can check that gun at the door.
Thirdly, he must be a good man, a man of good works, good heart and like a good dog.
Thx friends, 'tis true and jweeble, don't give up...those kinda partners DO exist... Pardon the lengthy reply but you got me thinking too.
Mtmynd and I have been married thirty-seven plus years. He meets all my requisites and some (and he is still crazy after all these years about me and visa-versa.)
Some advise (here's a grain of salt) from an elder when it comes to partnerships...don't fall in love with love (it comes and goes, as does passion.) Be sure to partner up with a friend because sometimes you want to kick his ass to the curb and friends don't do that to each other. You gotta be constantly forgiving and wide in the girth of acceptance.
Be ever willing to give him space as well as take some for yourself. Don't play games (except for ones with cards, die or joysticks) with each other's heads (you will know which buttons to push and so will he.)
And most of all, never, ever give up, most especially if he tries, even if you don't like what he does, the beast can be tamed (don't tell him that!) If he/she says something nasty or cruel (he or she will) then Cecils' response to my cutting remark is my antidote, "Smile when you say that!" and it does make me smile.
I'll guarantee you that men are not mind readers, they will never know what we need or expect unless we tell them so just take what he has to give and be glad he is willing to give it to you.
There may be a fantasy white knight out there somewhere but remember they are gone crusading all the time (and I ain't no princess either.) I like my guy with all of his faults, his ego or less, his need to be a manly man (the big goof) and he puts up with me (he calls me Buddhabitch.) Wabi Sabi!
Mtmynd and I have been married thirty-seven plus years. He meets all my requisites and some (and he is still crazy after all these years about me and visa-versa.)
Some advise (here's a grain of salt) from an elder when it comes to partnerships...don't fall in love with love (it comes and goes, as does passion.) Be sure to partner up with a friend because sometimes you want to kick his ass to the curb and friends don't do that to each other. You gotta be constantly forgiving and wide in the girth of acceptance.
Be ever willing to give him space as well as take some for yourself. Don't play games (except for ones with cards, die or joysticks) with each other's heads (you will know which buttons to push and so will he.)
And most of all, never, ever give up, most especially if he tries, even if you don't like what he does, the beast can be tamed (don't tell him that!) If he/she says something nasty or cruel (he or she will) then Cecils' response to my cutting remark is my antidote, "Smile when you say that!" and it does make me smile.
I'll guarantee you that men are not mind readers, they will never know what we need or expect unless we tell them so just take what he has to give and be glad he is willing to give it to you.
There may be a fantasy white knight out there somewhere but remember they are gone crusading all the time (and I ain't no princess either.) I like my guy with all of his faults, his ego or less, his need to be a manly man (the big goof) and he puts up with me (he calls me Buddhabitch.) Wabi Sabi!
Freedom's just another word...
http://soozen.livejournal.com/
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Lightning Rod
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Doreen Peri
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I agree with this completely. And when you've expressed your simple needs over and over and he is unable or unwilling to meet your needs, then the only thing to do is to forgive that fact and move on. Because if he is unable to meet yours, you are probably not able to meet his either.sooZen wrote:I'll guarantee you that men are not mind readers, they will never know what we need or expect unless we tell them so just take what he has to give and be glad he is willing to give it to you.
You and Cecil are lucky people.
God and Buddha bless you.
the ability to breathe, unaided by machines, would be pretty cool. I'd like that. an understanding that I'm sort of bipolar in my own tame way but allowances need to be made for my on again off again attitude to most things. i'm not a fence sitter but often i want to be on both sides of the fence at once. my testicles hurt often due to this, so the ocassional testicle rub perhaps?
I'm a sweet guy and I think I'd like a sweet girl. I couldn't handle a Wanda von Dunajew, as much as that painting of perfection appeals to some part of my brain (that desire, or will, to be owned, posessed, the sole property of another soul. can a will to be will-less actually exist?) That would frighten me too much. her ownership of me and her need to have such ownership. I'm soft. Softly spoken. gentle of heart. too soft, too gentle perhaps. nice guys finish last is a phrase that haunts me. im polite and I don't like to see people throwing litter. dropping litter is worse! throwing suggests thought. dropping is thoughtless and, therefore, somehow colder to me. i think community has, for the most part, gone to the dogs, but i hate to see disregard for community. she should have this quality/these qualities too.
i don't talk very much unless probed. a big problem (the problem) in a recent friendship end. so, i guess a girl willing to probe and maybe even "pester" me for information on the Self of the man she's holding. it isn't that i don't want to talk, rather, i often feel that i have nothing of interest to say. that's maybe lack of confidence. it's maybe to do with living with two "talkers" (my mum and sister) for years and years after my dad moved out and constantly being talked over. it was always easier to just remain quiet than feel that my words were falling on deaf ears. i internalise a lot of Me and this perfect partner had better learn and be willing to sit me down on a couch (or rug. or perhaps under a soft duvet on a sunday morning.) and ask me about my head and heart.
someone who gets the poetic sensibility. not necessarily an artist herself but one who understands that a poet (or poetic person) should never be toyed with. no one should be toyed with but... well, this is my ideal partner here... i shed a lot of tears. sometimes because the pain of confusion is heavy. but most of the time i cry real tears of joy because of overpowering beauty. a dog barking at the perfect moment. a baby's laugh. cut grass and a gentle breeze. a cloud that sounds like glitter from a great height being poured on a silver platter. I have cried at all of these things. she'd have to get that about me. it'd be nicer if she'd share it. not at the same time though. imagine two people crying over a moment of transcient beauty at the same time? jesus! you'd mock and so would I.
what else? oh yes! as well as not talking about myself unless probed I also have a great ability of not knowing where the "line" is. I can say the most inappropriate things and not know they're inappropriate until I see the eyes or hear the silence. my jokes are often off the mark. if she realised that i have an "off" sense of humour... that'd be nice. I'd hate to offend her, after all, she's perfect.
all the usual stuff that people like - laughter, intelligence...
physical beauty is overrated. it is fleeting anyway. that supermodel will wilt and the bimbo's tits will be keeping her knees warm before too long (a job her knickers do today).
so, in place of physical beauty. I'll say that the perfect girl for me will have grace. an unaffected way of carrying herself which gives her grace. and elegance. elegance and grace in a human is the same as beauty in a coastal view or a sunset. it always is.
this is a lot.... this would cost a fucking fortune if it was a want ad.
I'm a sweet guy and I think I'd like a sweet girl. I couldn't handle a Wanda von Dunajew, as much as that painting of perfection appeals to some part of my brain (that desire, or will, to be owned, posessed, the sole property of another soul. can a will to be will-less actually exist?) That would frighten me too much. her ownership of me and her need to have such ownership. I'm soft. Softly spoken. gentle of heart. too soft, too gentle perhaps. nice guys finish last is a phrase that haunts me. im polite and I don't like to see people throwing litter. dropping litter is worse! throwing suggests thought. dropping is thoughtless and, therefore, somehow colder to me. i think community has, for the most part, gone to the dogs, but i hate to see disregard for community. she should have this quality/these qualities too.
i don't talk very much unless probed. a big problem (the problem) in a recent friendship end. so, i guess a girl willing to probe and maybe even "pester" me for information on the Self of the man she's holding. it isn't that i don't want to talk, rather, i often feel that i have nothing of interest to say. that's maybe lack of confidence. it's maybe to do with living with two "talkers" (my mum and sister) for years and years after my dad moved out and constantly being talked over. it was always easier to just remain quiet than feel that my words were falling on deaf ears. i internalise a lot of Me and this perfect partner had better learn and be willing to sit me down on a couch (or rug. or perhaps under a soft duvet on a sunday morning.) and ask me about my head and heart.
someone who gets the poetic sensibility. not necessarily an artist herself but one who understands that a poet (or poetic person) should never be toyed with. no one should be toyed with but... well, this is my ideal partner here... i shed a lot of tears. sometimes because the pain of confusion is heavy. but most of the time i cry real tears of joy because of overpowering beauty. a dog barking at the perfect moment. a baby's laugh. cut grass and a gentle breeze. a cloud that sounds like glitter from a great height being poured on a silver platter. I have cried at all of these things. she'd have to get that about me. it'd be nicer if she'd share it. not at the same time though. imagine two people crying over a moment of transcient beauty at the same time? jesus! you'd mock and so would I.
what else? oh yes! as well as not talking about myself unless probed I also have a great ability of not knowing where the "line" is. I can say the most inappropriate things and not know they're inappropriate until I see the eyes or hear the silence. my jokes are often off the mark. if she realised that i have an "off" sense of humour... that'd be nice. I'd hate to offend her, after all, she's perfect.
all the usual stuff that people like - laughter, intelligence...
physical beauty is overrated. it is fleeting anyway. that supermodel will wilt and the bimbo's tits will be keeping her knees warm before too long (a job her knickers do today).
so, in place of physical beauty. I'll say that the perfect girl for me will have grace. an unaffected way of carrying herself which gives her grace. and elegance. elegance and grace in a human is the same as beauty in a coastal view or a sunset. it always is.
this is a lot.... this would cost a fucking fortune if it was a want ad.
Whew Bennie! You may not 'talk' a lot but you write a fair amount! 
Dor,
LRod, don't you know that it is the female of the species that does the pickin'?
Dor,
Yep, no doubt.I agree with this completely. And when you've expressed your simple needs over and over and he is unable or unwilling to meet your needs, then the only thing to do is to forgive that fact and move on. Because if he is unable to meet yours, you are probably not able to meet his either.
Thank you for the sentiments (since I don't believe in luck or gods.) I appreciate you and your intent.You and Cecil are lucky people.
God and Buddha bless you.
LRod, don't you know that it is the female of the species that does the pickin'?
Freedom's just another word...
http://soozen.livejournal.com/
http://soozen.livejournal.com/
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gypsyjoker
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ten four mark
takes a fearless heart
Wireman that must be why I never married, I was too busy trying to choose. Or at least have the illusion that I did, or is that a delusion?
I remember reading something in a book about the women of the beat generation
"a woman can weave/cast? a web about a man with out him even noticing.
It is a beautiful line I am mangling from memory. I find it and edit later.
SooZen this is the problem the bear has with my sister
I don't know why, he loves her madly, I am hoping they don't divorce again, her first divorce cost me thirty thousands dollars.
does that count as good works?
takes a fearless heart
Wireman that must be why I never married, I was too busy trying to choose. Or at least have the illusion that I did, or is that a delusion?
I remember reading something in a book about the women of the beat generation
"a woman can weave/cast? a web about a man with out him even noticing.
It is a beautiful line I am mangling from memory. I find it and edit later.
SooZen this is the problem the bear has with my sister
He has to try to cow her.He must not be intimidated or feel the compulsion to beat us down in order to feel superior.
I don't know why, he loves her madly, I am hoping they don't divorce again, her first divorce cost me thirty thousands dollars.
does that count as good works?
Free Rice
Avatar Courtesy of the Baron de Hirsch Fund
'Blessed is he who was not born, Or he, who having been born, has died. But as for us who live, woe unto us, Because we see the afflictions of Zion, And what has befallen Jerusalem." Pseudepigrapha
Avatar Courtesy of the Baron de Hirsch Fund
'Blessed is he who was not born, Or he, who having been born, has died. But as for us who live, woe unto us, Because we see the afflictions of Zion, And what has befallen Jerusalem." Pseudepigrapha
thanks my wired amigo. another round indeed!
gypsy man,
Look at some of our cousins, there is a species of baboon that kidnaps very young females and raises them for mates. Of course, there are the benobo chimps who are strictly matriarchal and resolve conflict with fucking but that is unusual for our family tree.
Every vice (or things we 'think' are sin) that we exhibit is found in nature. Chimps will drink and smoke and rape the gals if allowed the opportunity. There are hetros and homos and 'wife' swapping, etc, you name it, its au natural'.
Tribal nature still exits and the proverbial apple doesn't fall far from the tree. But you will also find in our species that the females, if not forced, do the picking, mostly for the well-being of her offspring. The big silverback gets the girls and they get protected, groomed and fed and most likely, entertained (and he gets the strokes.) Like my oldest Noah says about his marriage, "i'm here for entertainment purposes only." Now someone musta raised that boy right.
gypsy man,
I think it is anthropomorphic, our nature. Men used to have to fight for women, hit her over the head and drag her off.He has to try to cow her.
I don't know why, he loves her madly, I am hoping they don't divorce again, her first divorce cost me thirty thousands dollars.
Look at some of our cousins, there is a species of baboon that kidnaps very young females and raises them for mates. Of course, there are the benobo chimps who are strictly matriarchal and resolve conflict with fucking but that is unusual for our family tree.
Every vice (or things we 'think' are sin) that we exhibit is found in nature. Chimps will drink and smoke and rape the gals if allowed the opportunity. There are hetros and homos and 'wife' swapping, etc, you name it, its au natural'.
Tribal nature still exits and the proverbial apple doesn't fall far from the tree. But you will also find in our species that the females, if not forced, do the picking, mostly for the well-being of her offspring. The big silverback gets the girls and they get protected, groomed and fed and most likely, entertained (and he gets the strokes.) Like my oldest Noah says about his marriage, "i'm here for entertainment purposes only." Now someone musta raised that boy right.
Freedom's just another word...
http://soozen.livejournal.com/
http://soozen.livejournal.com/
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gypsyjoker
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SooZen that is true.
I like how Joyce Johnson said it
Not looking for a partner, soul mate, wife or what ever. I Just want to make random posts here on studio eight.
Remember sullen girl on litchicks?
She was so sad for me,
tried to reassure me that we all meet our soul mates in this world.
Not to take the anthropogy too personal, I never think about myself as a silver back, I think elephants might be my totem
That whole procreation train has passed me by, but I am still livin so everything's okay.
I like how Joyce Johnson said it
I enjoy the ambience, but at a distance. I get nauseous at the thought of living with a woman."You can weave such an exciting ambience around a man he'll hardly know he is being held by it" Joyce Johnson.
Not looking for a partner, soul mate, wife or what ever. I Just want to make random posts here on studio eight.
Remember sullen girl on litchicks?
She was so sad for me,
tried to reassure me that we all meet our soul mates in this world.
Not to take the anthropogy too personal, I never think about myself as a silver back, I think elephants might be my totem
That whole procreation train has passed me by, but I am still livin so everything's okay.
Free Rice
Avatar Courtesy of the Baron de Hirsch Fund
'Blessed is he who was not born, Or he, who having been born, has died. But as for us who live, woe unto us, Because we see the afflictions of Zion, And what has befallen Jerusalem." Pseudepigrapha
Avatar Courtesy of the Baron de Hirsch Fund
'Blessed is he who was not born, Or he, who having been born, has died. But as for us who live, woe unto us, Because we see the afflictions of Zion, And what has befallen Jerusalem." Pseudepigrapha
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hester_prynne
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Indeed, Sooz I agree, he's got to be crazy about me, and I want to be crazy about him too...fact is, i've been crazy about a few men, but they took advantage of that....or should I say, i let them take advantage, thinking they had mutual feelings then finding out they did not.
I maintain that the most important ingredient for me is independence.
Co-dependence sucks, it's rampant, and almost always in my experience has been a seeming requirement that drove me away, well, that and infidelities of course, not the infidelity as much as the lying about it.....destroyed trust is truly a relationship ender for me, as well as a friendship ender too.....
I'm no grown man's mother, yet oftentimes I have found that to be the expectation.
I've grown accustomed to being loner, I mean if it's not the right thing at all, why imprison yourself with the wrong?
I know many women who do this though, and it's hard for me to understand.....
H
I maintain that the most important ingredient for me is independence.
Co-dependence sucks, it's rampant, and almost always in my experience has been a seeming requirement that drove me away, well, that and infidelities of course, not the infidelity as much as the lying about it.....destroyed trust is truly a relationship ender for me, as well as a friendship ender too.....
I'm no grown man's mother, yet oftentimes I have found that to be the expectation.
I've grown accustomed to being loner, I mean if it's not the right thing at all, why imprison yourself with the wrong?
I know many women who do this though, and it's hard for me to understand.....
H
"I am a victim of society, and, an entertainer"........DW
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