Is Polyamory a Good Idea?

Post by **Doreen Peri** » September 14th, 2009, 11:28 am

First, just want to comment on mingo's post. I thought it was very well stated, quite astute.

But to continue...

OK. It's not about sex, you say. It's about love. Fair enough. Love is great! (Even though obviously sex is involved, right? I mean you ARE talking about having sex with multiple partners as a way of expressing your love for them, correct?)

I love a quite a few people. It's definitely humanly possible to love more than one person at once.

Just curious... asking again.... just how is this accomplished?

If you and your wife were to decide to live a polyamory lifestyle, would you invite your other loves to your home? Would your other selected partners meet your wife? Would you introduce them to your children?

If you introduce them to your children, do you let your children know that this person is an intimate partner of yours just like their mother is? Or do you just not talk about that? Do you introduce the love partner as your friend? Do you show her affection in front of your children? Do you kiss, embrace, hold hands in front of them? Just curious.

What if it's only you who decides that's the lifestyle you want? But your wife doesn't want to live a polyamory lifestyle. Would you bring your other selected partners to your home to meet her? Or do you have these other relationships at different locations secretly? OR, do you tell your wife you're going to go to a hotel all weekend with someone else and she just says, "OK, have fun!" How does it work?

And what type of love are we talking about? Is it the love of a person, like a friendship? Is it romantic love? Is it being "in love"?

Am I asking too many questions? Sorry if I am. You said. "Is polyamory a good idea?" and without the answers to these questions, I can't even venture to guess whether it would be acceptable or even feasible.

Post by **Barry** » September 14th, 2009, 2:08 pm

The physical exprerssion of affection (read: emotion) is a touchy subject in our culture. Discussion of it, like politics and religion, can often hit a nerve.
Some people see kissing in public as in poor taste. Others are revolted to see a gay couple holding hands. I think most everyone would be shocked and incensed to see a couple, hetero or otherwise, making love in a public place. In the broad spectrum of human culture, though, ours is just one of many colors. What we might consider unacceptable to the point of a legal ban, other cultures have embraced wholeheartedly without ill effect.
I won't answer all your questions, Doreen, as I'm sure you can answer them competently for yourself if you really want them answered. But I will answer this one, the one at the core of the matter:

Just curious... asking again.... just how is this accomplished?

With openness and complete honesty without fear of judgement. Takes a whole lotta love to accomplish that.
It isn't about desire, either. It's oversimplifying to encapsulate it as having sex with multiple partners. It's sharing your love with those who want to share theirs with you. And, yes, the physically expressed aspect of that love can be included.
In my favorite book it's called "sharing water," and that euphemism is expanded to encompas far more than the physical expression of love. It's embraced by a huge number of people and at the center of their shared philosophy. And there are a large number of real-life people who have emulated that books story and made it their own. It's called the Church of All Worlds. If anyone's interested, check out what they're about here:
http://www.caw.org/index.php?module=Pag ... y&pageid=3

Peace,
Barry

Post by **Doreen Peri** » September 14th, 2009, 2:31 pm

Sorry, Barry, I can't answer any of my own questions.

I have no idea what the answers would be. This lifestyle is not an option for me. Not interested.

I was asking YOU, since you seem interested in the lifestyle, how YOU would handle it, asking specific questions which I'm sure you MUST have thought about when trying to come to a decision about whether to engage in this type of lifestyle.

Sorry you're unable to answer me.

I really would like to know the answers. They are practical and important questions I posed.

Oh well.

Take care.

Post by **Barry** » September 14th, 2009, 2:43 pm

You, too, Doreen.

Post by **Doreen Peri** » September 14th, 2009, 3:01 pm

Barry... It's all too vague. Need specifics to even understand what it is exactly. Just sayin' .....

Good luck! Have fun! All the best,
D

Post by **Barry** » September 14th, 2009, 4:06 pm

Doreen, the one question I did answer answers all the questions you asked. All of them are answered as they come, in any family, polyamorous or not, from a position of openness and complete honesty, bearing mind the intellectual capacities of those asking the questions, and with care not to "shield" them from the truth. I can't state it with any more clarity than that.
I'm stepping out now, as I've never been one to force my opinions or beliefs on those who do not want them.

Peace,
Barry
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Post by **hester_prynne** » September 14th, 2009, 10:12 pm

Whoa. Meprotests that thou thinkest too much......
H

Post by **stilltrucking** » September 15th, 2009, 7:04 am

Take is easy bro.
"don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy"

"your young
er soul
has lost
touch
with the new
est oldness.
be loved
rather than hate
'd. never
mourn for your
self."

http://www.studioeight.tv/phpbb/viewtop ... light=fear

Post by **SadLuckDame** » September 19th, 2009, 10:36 am

Hello Barry,
I get the concept, I couldn't do it personally, but I get it.
I've heard of a few couples who have such a strength behind their love, commitment to each other that they could make such attempts happen and their love, strength only grows.

I personally considered swinging, but the problem was at the end of the day I'd still have to sleep next to my (at the time husband) and honestly it was the thing I was looking to avoid in the first place

Post by **hester_prynne** » September 22nd, 2009, 1:50 am

Sad Luck Dame, your response here gave me a grand guffaw of agreement.
You made my night.
Thanks.
H

Post by **Jacob** » September 22nd, 2009, 7:08 am

Barry wrote:Thanks, everyone, for the insightful contributions. I fully expected absolute silnce on this topic. I'm pleasantly surprised.

This is sex we're talking about. Of course it's going to get a response. And yes, not just even sex, but a talk of having an intimate connection, and wanting to share that feeling with others. To be loved is grand, and to speak of and act on it...what's not appealling?

Of course, there is also the fear and loathing of wanting it, yet not ever being able to have it. I've considered the idea on myself at times, but really can't see myself in such, because...there's no way the current me could have it. The one who would get that attention is a whole different person, and while I somewhat like myself as I am, as I am...such a relationship will never be. Suppose is't something to drema of. To consider the "what if" of it all. At the moment though, all I can do is sigh at what could have been, and live (and settle?).

Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

Is Polyamory a Good Idea?

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