comfort in a friend
Posted: November 28th, 2004, 9:03 pm
How I have been busy!
I am grateful for the little things that have come my way in past days, they have gradually picked me out of this slump I've been in lately. Seeing my bestfriend Krys with her full five month belly, a bearer of the ultimate miracle- it doesn't get any better than being in the presence of a wholesome, strong, intelligent and insightful human being. We laughed, we stuffed ourselves with brownies (there goes my diet!)had some laughs with her husband, we planned her non-surprise baby shower, we talked about the baby (I'm so excited about being the God-mother!) and the little clothes he's going to wear (I am defintely making him little booties!)
Krys was there with me when we unceremoniously bumped into my former boyfriend and he told me he had just finished moving out from the neighborhood...he doesn't live around the corner from me anymore, we two childhood friends who grew into one entity, severed by the changes of life.Its really over. I overcame everything many months ago but naturally, seven years with someone just doesn't disappear quickly. Armando is no longer my bestfriend, no longer the one I am in love with, no longer the person who I run to for companionship and loving. He's moved away and with that our chapters together truly end.
I ended it because of our differences; I truly compromised my person to be with him, I was miserable and depressed, there was no way we could ever be happy together with such severe differences, opposite lifestyles and insoluble problems. Most importantly, unlike other times when he and I separated, I fell out of love with him. There is no repairing something that no longer exists.
Krys was my silent strength when I quietly remembered everything he and I went through, how I felt deceived and betrayed, how pained and slashed I felt when I decided to be happy and ended with the person whom I spent my formative teenage years with.
The entire ordeal has been over for me quite a while now, I am slowly semi-entering the dating world and am ready for new experiences. Although he looked a bit mournful when he looked at me, I believe that its finally over for him as well. I hope he leads a full, content and beautiful life. We grew up together, he made me happy and while with him, I evolved into a me he could no longer understand, a me who flourished as an artist and wanted different things out of life, who wanted to be happy and enjoy. He too grew into a separate being whom I could no longer comprehend and reach a middle ground with. I no longer knew him. I've grown so much more from having loved and been loved, and although now its withered with the leaves, if it is the only time I ever involve myself romantically with anyone, I can always look back at the wonderful years where things were lovely and optimistic and overlook the last two unhealthy years where everything was melancholic and unreal. I hope he finds that which will bring him complete joy and happiness, he is a good young man and deserves to life a good life.
Krys has grown even wiser in her pregnancy and she comforted me with such few words so that the tears building up in my eyes never touched the warmth of my skin. I am so glad Krys was with me, I needed her company at that moment-I am fortunate to have such friends and for this I am thankful year round, not just on Thanksgiving.
Well, so here I am! I am a better, happier and healthier me with a story to tell, enjoying, ready for anything that comes up, empowered and curious to see whats hidden under the mystery of life.
And so it is, I continue walking down these rainy streets, a solitary writer etching words into stone...
I am grateful for the little things that have come my way in past days, they have gradually picked me out of this slump I've been in lately. Seeing my bestfriend Krys with her full five month belly, a bearer of the ultimate miracle- it doesn't get any better than being in the presence of a wholesome, strong, intelligent and insightful human being. We laughed, we stuffed ourselves with brownies (there goes my diet!)had some laughs with her husband, we planned her non-surprise baby shower, we talked about the baby (I'm so excited about being the God-mother!) and the little clothes he's going to wear (I am defintely making him little booties!)
Krys was there with me when we unceremoniously bumped into my former boyfriend and he told me he had just finished moving out from the neighborhood...he doesn't live around the corner from me anymore, we two childhood friends who grew into one entity, severed by the changes of life.Its really over. I overcame everything many months ago but naturally, seven years with someone just doesn't disappear quickly. Armando is no longer my bestfriend, no longer the one I am in love with, no longer the person who I run to for companionship and loving. He's moved away and with that our chapters together truly end.
I ended it because of our differences; I truly compromised my person to be with him, I was miserable and depressed, there was no way we could ever be happy together with such severe differences, opposite lifestyles and insoluble problems. Most importantly, unlike other times when he and I separated, I fell out of love with him. There is no repairing something that no longer exists.
Krys was my silent strength when I quietly remembered everything he and I went through, how I felt deceived and betrayed, how pained and slashed I felt when I decided to be happy and ended with the person whom I spent my formative teenage years with.
The entire ordeal has been over for me quite a while now, I am slowly semi-entering the dating world and am ready for new experiences. Although he looked a bit mournful when he looked at me, I believe that its finally over for him as well. I hope he leads a full, content and beautiful life. We grew up together, he made me happy and while with him, I evolved into a me he could no longer understand, a me who flourished as an artist and wanted different things out of life, who wanted to be happy and enjoy. He too grew into a separate being whom I could no longer comprehend and reach a middle ground with. I no longer knew him. I've grown so much more from having loved and been loved, and although now its withered with the leaves, if it is the only time I ever involve myself romantically with anyone, I can always look back at the wonderful years where things were lovely and optimistic and overlook the last two unhealthy years where everything was melancholic and unreal. I hope he finds that which will bring him complete joy and happiness, he is a good young man and deserves to life a good life.
Krys has grown even wiser in her pregnancy and she comforted me with such few words so that the tears building up in my eyes never touched the warmth of my skin. I am so glad Krys was with me, I needed her company at that moment-I am fortunate to have such friends and for this I am thankful year round, not just on Thanksgiving.
Well, so here I am! I am a better, happier and healthier me with a story to tell, enjoying, ready for anything that comes up, empowered and curious to see whats hidden under the mystery of life.
And so it is, I continue walking down these rainy streets, a solitary writer etching words into stone...