And all at once... I was a "WRITER!"

[izeveryboyin]

I am sitting here. At this godforsaken laptop. Keys clicking slowly... reflective. I googled myself today. I rediscovered some of that forgotten grandiosity my writing once was. It had a sort of innocent luminosity... a quiet knowledge gained by endless days and nights thinking without seeing... seeing without thinking.... Creating without pretension or arrogance. Just a positive sense of self. I have lost that somehow. I have lost it in late night phone calls with too many f-words, and s-words, falsified l-words and nameless verbal venom. I have lost it in numb hugs, chaste kisses, and lies. I have lost is mourning for my heart, my youth, my personality, my familiar mannerisms. I was so open and free once. And I don't know how to rediscover that part of me. I suppose it is just something that has to choose to want to come back to me. It is either the longest case of writer's block I have ever known... or it is a complete depletion of talent and flair. I hope that its the former because the latter... the latter I would morn forever.

[mousey1]

Well it's not a complete depletion of talent and flair.

Something will spur you on again, something always does.

It is the way of things. Finding the will to live and then digging in.

Like there's no tomorrow...because we never know if there is!

[westcoast]

yep. i stopped writing for a couple of years. it was agony. now in retrospect i see it as an incubation period. so much happened in my life that now i can write about. i grew in other ways that can now be revealed in writ.

already you are writing

say more..

~westcoast

[mtmynd]

I agree with the other repliers here... you are writing and writing from a new found heart. do not let some abstraction like "blocks" trip you but rather let them jettison you, iz...

[Doreen Peri]

you, my dear, are one of the finest young writers i know... your talent is tremendous.

you inspired me more times than i can tell you

i'll never forget performing that piece that you inspired.. remember the one i'm talking about? sure you do... where the hell is it? i gotta find it ... i did that piece in baltimore one time and the audience looked at me like i was nuts... heh.. because i was and all because of you... now how's that make you feel? lol

seriously though... i am currently battling a 2-year hiatus from writing... not because i wanted one... but because it's just what happened and i'm just now figuring out why

the why is because i had to protect myself... i had to close up my heart, my emotions, my SELF... to build a fortress around me so i wouldn't be hurt and in doing that, i had to turn to other ways for fulfillment like eating and getting fat and crying all night ... and playing a stupid game online but at least the game has words BUT the cool thing about scrabble is the words don't MEAN anything! .... My writing hiatus HAS to come to an end because words can't just be game pieces, right? they DO mean something!

aww well you know.. the deal is this... getting addicted to scrabble was similar to getting addicted to poetry except the opposite. The words in poetry can mean whatever you want them to mean! they can mean a LOT of things! That's the fun part! whatever you think it means, that's what it means! whereas with scrabble, they don't mean anything.... so either way, it's all about interpretation or something.

but i'm rambling again.

I'm telling you all this because there is nothing that exists that could deplete your talent and flair. Nothing. Nada. zilch.

YOU, miss K, are a young lady with such talent and flair, the entire world is awed when you walk into a room. And I'm not kidding. You got it girl. You got it going on.

And yes, i do believe you have to CHOOSE to be alive, which is a good theme for easter/spring... but once you do because the glorious thing is that you realize your writing is dead right now and that it is YOU and it's not breathing any more... but you REALIZE it and you are in pain... and I am in pain with you because of my own block BUT the baby is born! We are alive! we choose to KNOW that it is killing us not to write and because of that, we will resurrect...

Amen.

heh

sorry for the ramble... but i just had to tell you that i believe in you

you took a break to create a new life

soon YOUR life will spill again on these pages and many more... you're a fricking genius writer, k...i'm not lying to you

[stilltrucking]

I have lost it in late night phone calls with too many f-words, and s-words, falsified l-words and nameless verbal venom. I have lost it in numb hugs, chaste kisses, and lies. I have lost is mourning for my heart, my youth, my personality, my familiar mannerisms. I was so open and free once. And I don't know how to rediscover that part of me.

your young
er soul
has lost
touch
with the new
est oldness.
be loved
rather than hate
'd. never
mourn for your
self.

edog

for some reason I am reminded of that poem, the last line was a real kicker for me.

Don't mind me izzy, old people get so complacent


Meanwhile I got a guilty conscience because I haver never painted that picture for Kyla that I said I was going to send. Well there are worse things than procratination.

I will try to cry for you
cause I can't cry for myself
missed you izzy I missed fighting with you
when you were pregnant I was afraid to raise any issues with you
cause I figured you were stressed enough.

I wish I could help
thinking about those late night phone calls and who they might be from/to. I guess I know.
I wish I could give you advice on the stupidity of men. We are not all of a callibre of Barack, Some of us are just no damn good. What is it like to stare at a blank page and not be able to write. I got to try it, I been seduced by the transistors in this electronic age. So easy to type.

I say let rip
let it rip sister'
get your mind out here
on studio eight
rant shout bitch and moan
jam the man
what have you got to lose.

thanks for writting
sincerely
jacky

[stilltrucking]

poster's remorse izzy
but I wont delete it
on the off chance there might be something there

even writting about not writting is writting

and you do it well.


remember this one.
from the
ten minute story challege

izeveryboyin Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 12:18 am

I used to think that in order to be a good poet you had to overthink everything and come up with clever lines before you started a piece... or rather that a turly good poem could only start with a clever line and not a truly innovative idea. Now I don't even write poetry anymore, so I'm wondering what was the point of thinking all that. Sometimes you need to think to feel important... but your best ideas always seem to come when you're not trying to think of anything at.

I find that the topic of the majority of the things I write now are very self-centered. A series of new occurences in my life has forced me to pay a lot of attention to who I am as an individual. The archetypal soul-searching. I find that at times I am quite interesting. But I also find Maury interesting and that show is basically just a live-action gossip column. Maybe I am too.

It's surprising to me how fast 10 minutes can go by. So many amazing things can happen in 10 minutes. Angelina Jolie produced a movie in which the same 10 minutes was filmed in 10 different countries all over the world. A least I think it was 10 minutes. I don't remember so well. I found out about it on Inside the Actor's Studio and was too busy wondering what makes James Lipton so endlessly fascinated with asking celebrities the same core questions over and over again and never get bored. The smae thing that makes me love reading the Harry Potter books over and over again I would assume.

I'm wondering if spell-check and editing are allowed in this piece. I'm not sure, so for the sake of intergrity, I'll just leave it as it is. Perhaps I'll have somehow discovered the secret to unending grammatical correctness. Or perhaps you guys won't notice... only I've just pointed out that I might have some typpos so now you'll be compelled to go back through the piece and see if I actually do. You guys are evil.

I've been watching marathons of The L Word on youtube just to get caught up on the episodes. It's been pretty cool. I'd love for someone to buy me the DVD box-set for Christmas since by that time, I'll be saturated in diapers, bottles and various other things that a mother is saturated with. Strange but true. I keep waiting for some sign that this is all a big joke, but my baby moves everyday, and I am so close to him now. It is wierd that my 10 minutes are up when I talk about him or did you plan this?

[mnaz]

Life inspires writing. Life interferes with writing. That's how it's always been, it seems.

[stilltrucking]

I wrote

Meanwhile I got a guilty conscience because I haver never painted that picture for Kyla that I said I was going to send. Well there are worse things than procratination.

I just had an anxiety attack, a thought struck me that I spelled Myla wrong
Kayla, Myla
in a fog here izz
I hope you can cut me some slack
my memory going like mary had a lttile lam HAL in 2001
somebody going at my memory banks with a fireaxe.
in cyber firendship
jt

[Marksman45]

Izzy,

Everything that happens, stays happened.
This is important for several reasons.

One reason is that it points out that there is no need to replay unpleasant events in your mind (something everyone has been guilty of) -- they happened, they will stay happened. There is no need either to hold them down in existence through perpetual thought, or to think about how they could have been circumvented, because they happened, they will stay happened, and nothing will ever change that; fighting this can only sap you of your vital energies. Sometimes it kills people. The thing to do is swallow hard, look it in the eye, and soldier on.

Another reason is that it gives you reminders of two things: 1. I've done X before, therefore I can do it again. 2. I've suffered through X before, therefore I can do it again (there is nothing quite as heartening as looking a threat in the eye and saying, "I've had worse," and knowing it to be true). This is the key to being a warrior (all artists of all sorts must be warriors).

Another reason, and perhaps the most important, is that it points out that nothing is ever really lost. It's still there. Time is not linear; it does not go from moment to moment, leaving all previous moments behind to oblivion. Time is exponential. Yesterday is the foundation of today. We live at the top of the pyramid, at the peak of the mountain, all of the time.

Izzy, there is a brilliance already in what you have just posted. You say you can't write anymore? I say you aren't reading it right. You want to write like you used to? Why? You've already done it. Now, today, you are equipped to write like you have never written before, because the mountain has grown that much higher. Today, you have more power than you did yesterday. Let it blow.

[izeveryboyin]

Mousey... there is no tomorrow... only the possibilty. Thank you for reminding me of that. Sometimes we get so used to living we forget that all time is borrowed.

Wc-- I will try to say more.. and I will try to say it more eloquently

mtm-- I hope I have a new heart. I will have to take your word for it.

D-- as ever... you remain the cyber rock that I cling to in the storm. You are a constant encouragement to me. How could I ever forget that happy piece! It was brilliance. Maybe together we could become brilliant together. What do ya think? Addiction is an interesting affliction... it comforts, it soothes, it fills voids. But perhaps we should be focusing on removing the void all together, no? From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. In YOUR words, the baby is born. Perhaps trying again is not so difficult a thing to fathom.

J--- I love you. Pick a fight. Waht can it hurt, eh? Oh and what's a typo amongst friends?

Marks--- My good man. long time no hear from. thank you for encouragement. It has a place in my heart as you do.

--k

[hester_prynne]

Indeed, Izzy, I think Marksman says it all, or at least I'll say I agree with what he wrote, it will always have happened.
And more will happen...
you'll write.
you won't.
However, your absolute brillance need not waiver at any time....

H

[Dave The Dov]

Write what is right to you!!!!
_________________
Mercedes S Class