Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

it helped me overcome any feelings of superiority in the air." do you mean you felt inferior in the boss's presence? if so, was it how he spoke or what he was saying?

I used to think I was a coward for a long time because I used to get the shakes before a fight. Not until I ran a sleeper team with a lot of combat veterans (life takers, they were life takers Ronnie, but we never talked about that) and one of my combat veterans told me what the "adrenalin shakes" were. Yeah I get the passing thoughts, I think a knife would be my second choice of a weapon. My bare hands most preferred. I see the smiling face of some slick sophistical political pundit on his weekly column in my local paper and I imagined what his head would look like as a bloody unrecognizable as human clot of mangled tissue and teeth.

But I have almost got that under control, I mean I am talking nano seconds now Ron. They flash so quickly the adrenalin & testosterone don't have time to boil into my blood. If I am unusually infuriated to an extreme where I get those thoughts I spit. Nasty habit, I got from my maternal grandmother, she could never mention the name H*tler, it was always referred to as "him" and then she would make a little spiting gesture. So I spit on my morning paper a lot these days. I don't think I would ever spit on a real live human being. Not worth the broken bones, and my bones are so got dam brittle these days.

Interesting conversation you had with that guy Ronnie; do you think he picked up on your vibes or thoughts?

I got a friend who worked in the prison system he was interviewing a prisoner and even though the conversation seemed civil & prisoner was smiling, the hairs on the back of my friends neck started to prickle. My friend is a retired air force flight surgeon; fear is not an issue for him. He is not given over to them.
When the hairs on his neck began to rise he started focusing more on what the guy said more closely. And he realized what the guy was really saying behind the chit chat.

I don't know if I have answered your question yabyum but I tried. There is one person here who has given me the adrenalin shakes so bad I could hardly type, My hands were shaking so bad. But I never once even for a Nan o second had a thought about raising my hand in anger at him. When I am really angry he is my go to guy.

What gets me is the times in my life when some reptilian cold blooded down deep primitive part of my brain took over my thoughts and I tried to figure out how I was going to kill that guy on that trawler I worked on. A long night of the soul, if you don't mind a cliché.

Revenge:
I wasn't trying to figure out how to get a way with murder. No I had no plans to get away, I wasn't trying for no perfect murder. I just wanted to kill him quick and easy with no muss no fuss. I did not want him to suffer, I just wanted him dead~. I decided to kill him in his sleep. Then I tried to figure out where to get a gun. A gun seemed like my best bet. I was going to shoot him and walk away. Just walk away not run. I figured I was not smart enough to get away with it and I would probably get caught.

But if I did not get caught that was even better. In the middle of all this cold murderous rage the sun came up and it dissipated like the morning mist of June morning in Ilwaco harbor. I decided to put it all down to karma, and figured I must have had it coming. And the prospect of going to prison for life or worse did not seem worth a moments pleasure.

I got on a bus for Tennessee and joined a Quaker Meeting in Nashville.

Seems like I was a natural born Quaker and shaker.

I hope the above makes some sense. I am doing an open text box ramble, spontaneous gibberish. I will run it through a spell checker at least and repost.