damn

Go ahead. Talk about it.
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izeveryboyin
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damn

Post by izeveryboyin » September 12th, 2008, 1:01 pm

After 19 months of honest-to-God smoke-free health, I have fallen right off my high horse and into my emergency pack of Djarum Blacks. And even being old and slightly crushed from the weight of old schoolbooks and papers, notebooks with my crushes' names written in hearts, they were still so fucking good that I smoked all 12 in 30 minutes and then went out and bought another pack. I am ashamed. I am downtrodden, I am filled with self-loathing at this new failure. But I am so fucking calm and serene you could probably walk me down death row without so much as a groan. What will I do when Myla comes home?

END... or beginning?

Image
sometimes I just like to breathe.

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Post by the mingo » September 12th, 2008, 1:42 pm

I'm sorry to hear that, iz, I've spent the last week trying to cut down for the first time in my smoking life - I've smoked for 41 years - two packs a day or more...not quitting, mind you, just trying to cut back - one thing at a time - past three days I've held the line at 5-6 but today I've smoked four already & I still have a shift of work to go. I want one right now really bad, & I'm gonna want the one after that really bad too. Whats happening now to you I've seen happening to me somewhere up ahead. After I think I've got it licked. At the moment I have too much to do just dealin' smoke to smoke. Here's to hoping ya go on standing in the fire like ya was, those of us who have handed ourselves this insidious little addiction are burning right along with ya, and I know we've got our tumbles coming. I'd vote for and camp with the beginners.
Doll, you may have found a place of rest but I'm still on the trail.

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Post by Dave The Dov » September 12th, 2008, 2:04 pm

Trying to quite is the hardest thing to do.
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Post by izeveryboyin » September 12th, 2008, 6:11 pm

Thanks for sharing. Can only hope to triump in the face of adversity, etc.

Dave... couldn't have put it better. sigh.

--k
sometimes I just like to breathe.

www.technicolorfraud.blogspot.com

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Post by Marksman45 » September 19th, 2008, 3:16 pm

Do you know how many times I've "quit" in the past year only to go right back to the damned things? Hell, it seems like I can go months without a cigarette, and then I fall back on it and within a day I'm smoking just as many as I ever have.

And the crazy thing is, I hate the nicotine buzz (so I off-set it with caffeine -- two addictions for the price of one!). It's the act of smoking that's got me.

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Post by Arcadia » September 19th, 2008, 3:44 pm

I was raised in a home where my two parents smoked like chimeneas and there were ceniceros & ashes everywhere but neither my brother or I had tobacco-tendencies! Don´t worry about Myla, only try to not smoke in her face!!! :lol:

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Post by izeveryboyin » September 19th, 2008, 9:03 pm

marks... first off, good to hear from you. I feel like I haven't in so long. But getting back into what you said, I do admit that the act of smoking is indeed the culprit that has hurtled me into the throws of nicotine addiction in the first place when I was 15. But I never thought in a million years, especially with that deliciously sinful coffee to sate me, that I'd actually be back on the damned things. Stress, I think is what brought it back.

arcadia... never would I smoke anywhere near my beautiful Myla much less in her face. I have taken to the back porch early in the morning, and late at night when she's home.

--k
sometimes I just like to breathe.

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Post by Doreen Peri » September 19th, 2008, 10:45 pm

I just ordered and just started reading Allen Carr's "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" which has rave reviews from MANY people who say it worked for them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allen_Carr

I'll let you know if it works for me. I want to stop. Big time.

This is why I bought the book.

Read 45 pages of hundreds of people's reviews.... many who stopped smoking using his method

I'm not trying to sell you the book. Just telling you I'm encouraged that so many people found something that worked and I'm looking into it.

I hope you will stop smoking again.

I stopped smoking both times when I was pregnant. I wish I never picked the damn things up again. It's time to get them out of my life for good.

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Post by izeveryboyin » September 20th, 2008, 10:51 am

The problem is, D that it's so easy to pick the shit up again, but it's immensely difficult to quit. And it gets harder and harder after every stint... or at least it does for me. I will look into the book. The last time I quit I had the power of wanting a healthy baby behind me, and a mother threatening murder if I didn't give up the smokes. This time I know all I have to do is go in the back to avoid that already healthy baby, and I haven't told my mom I'm smoking again for fear that she will follow through on those murder charges... or, more realistically, because I'm SO over giving her reasons to nag me, even after I've become and adult and am out of her house. *sigh*

--k
sometimes I just like to breathe.

www.technicolorfraud.blogspot.com

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Post by Dave The Dov » September 21st, 2008, 6:49 am

Hey izeveryboyin this will help!!!!

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/H6EZkIaJcCI&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/H6EZkIaJcCI&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
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Post by Doreen Peri » September 21st, 2008, 9:29 am

Great movie... "Coffee and Cigarettes" (2002)... loved the whole thing.. Love this scene! "you a bug, bill murray?" hehe

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izeveryboyin
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Post by izeveryboyin » September 21st, 2008, 10:37 am

I love this movie. My first favorite scene is this one... because The White Stripes are pretty rad. And so are Tesla coils:

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jhfq7DAnoh4&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jhfq7DAnoh4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

And then this one, becuase Alfred Molina is an amazing actor, and people should totally respect that:

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/x9-F-Izif3Y&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/x9-F-Izif3Y&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
sometimes I just like to breathe.

www.technicolorfraud.blogspot.com

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Post by Marksman45 » September 22nd, 2008, 5:54 pm

A lot of people look at me funny when I tell them it's the ACT of smoking that's got me; they think I'm really just a nicotine freak and in denial.

Obviously, they don't understand the pleasure in burning a thing, consuming it in flame, breathing the smoke, feeling it burn a bit in the back of your throat, and exhaling it contemptuously or sensuously (depending on your mood). The smell and the taste add on to the visual and tactile experiences; and, if you've got cloves, they around it out with sound as they make that crackling noise.

I knew a girl who had a certain way of exhaling the smoke through her nose (always her nose) that was one of the sexiest things I've ever seen. When I think about it, I want to light up. When I see Lauren Bacall smoking in one of those old movies, I want to light up. When I see characters in Wes Anderson films smoke, I want to light up. I hold my cigarettes between my thumb and my index and middle fingers, like Bogart and Sinatra did. Because Bogart and Sinatra did it that way.

Everybody says that smoking isn't sexy and isn't cool, but, let's be honest, folks. Up until the point where you start hacking stuff up in the morning, it damn well is sexy and cool.

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Post by Doreen Peri » September 23rd, 2008, 7:28 am

Marksman45 wrote:Everybody says that smoking isn't sexy and isn't cool, but, let's be honest, folks. Up until the point where you start hacking stuff up in the morning, it damn well is sexy and cool.
I don't think so. Not at all. It's exactly the opposite.

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Post by mtmynd » September 23rd, 2008, 3:35 pm

i've been nicotine free for about a year now. last cigarette i smoked was the same day i went into the hospital with chest pains. ten days in the hospital helped me quit.. that and getting warnings from several doctors and nurses that if i began smoking again death wouldn't be long after.

smoking constricts the arteries. restricted arteries don't allow the bood to flow easily. should you have abnormal amounts of plaque or cholesterol in your blood they will clog up from smoking, you too will experience chest pains. gawdawful feeling. the pain even goes down the arms. the blood is short of air. it's strangling itself due to lack of air. a heartattack may soon follow.

i smoked for about 48 years... stopped for 5 years once. began during the cigar craze years back. all i did was puff on a cigar. but that taste of nicotine was too much. i couldn't resist. i swalloed the juices thick with nicotine. i continued smoking cigars... they became shorter and shorter. one day I told myself, "Cec'.. all you want is a cigarette." i was right. i bought my first pack after five years and didn't stop the dman things until i entered emergency lsast year around this time.

i am a tobaccoholic - if i smoke just one... just one lusy cigarette, I'm once again hooked. i have no will-power after that first one. just like a fucking alcoholic... always an alcolholic. can't even have on drink... not one beer, not one small glass of wine... no alchohol at all or else.

the only way to quit smoking is to quit buying them. go ahead and smoke all the cigarettes you have, even the loose tobacco if you have rolling papers. smoke all the shit up that's in your reach... until your out. don't tell yourself you're going to stop smoking as if it's forever. just get thru one day... one lousy day without smoking, without bumming a cigarette. then try it again. just one day at a time. the shit will be in your system for several days. some say four days others say a week. it doesn't matter how long. what matter is you quit. say goodbye to the fuckers. you know damn good and well they're killing you. admit to yourself your commiting a very slow suicide. no different from an alcoholic. if you can't control your smoking (i really hate those types that smoke one or two cigarettes a day and that's it), kill the access. cut yourself off.

it's one of the stupidest habits there is. you've seen those smokers standing outside a building, the rain coming down.. maybe it's snowing, but there they are puffing away. it's you. you've been there and will be there in an hour if your in a building.

addictions. go two weeks without smoking and you can smell a smoker - the clothes stink, their breath is sour smelling, their fingers are brownish looking... the really dedicated ones wheeze (that was me... Soo would sometimes comment that she could hear me breathing).

nobody can tell you too stop. that doesn't work. it's serious shit. it's addictive... moreso than heroin. you know you need that smoke every 10-15 minutes (are you there yet..?). the first thing you do when you wake up and the last thing you do when you go to bed - fire one up. "was that your last pack for the day. shit! how soon can i go before i need another smoke? should i go to the store a cop a pack? can i wait until the morning? shit!"

if your habit hasn't reached that point yet, keep smoking. you'll get there... pack by pack, butt by butt, cough by cough. come on! don't freak on us... smoke! with your coffee, with your wine or beer, with another smoker...

really, you do not want to get there. i'm lucky. i've seen two men with holes in their throats to breath. they were dedicated smokers that got cancer of the throat. it's an ugly sight to see and sad to listen to. it's pathetic what we will do to ourselves just for that smoke, isn't it? you know. you know damn good and well when you can admit you're a fucking tobaccoholic. you plan your every day around how many cigarettes you have in your pocket or purse... is the lighter full? maybe some back-up matches, just in case. who comes first in your life? if it's the next cigarette it's really time to stop. if it's not... it's still time to stop before you get there.

after the nicotine gets outtta your system, the hard part is the psychological addiction. it's always there... in your head. it reminds you sometimes how that cigarette after a dinner would taste so fucking good... how that first cup of coffee in the morning would be near-perfect if only you had a cigarette. i've gone thru that. i still go thru that a year later. i went thru that for nearly five years when i quit many moons ago. the mind will try anything to trick you into smokinig again. it's almost an ongoing battle between mind and body. but body needs to have the final say-so. you'll die if you listen to mind. maybe not this time. but it will kill you. if you don't listen to your body...


[enough]

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