Condolences to Lrod

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Doreen Peri
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Condolences to Lrod

Post by Doreen Peri » November 26th, 2009, 1:37 pm

Lightning Rod's mom passed away. I believe it was Tuesday evening. Sincere condolences to Lrod and his sisters and entire family.

Your mom was very lucky to have you there caring for her these last couple of years, and especially during her last days. Peggy was a wonderful, talented lady with a huge spirit filled with love! I know how close you were to her and how you will miss her. She loved you very much and was so proud of your talents! (((hugs))) ... My sympathies for your loss.



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Post by Lightning Rod » November 26th, 2009, 6:54 pm

Thank you Doreen

Here is a letter that I wrote to a friend upon the event:


Mom passed yesterday evening at home. We had only moved her here from the hospital that morning. She was visibly glad to be back in her own environment. The hospice workers were very helpful. She had been home about six hours when she died. I was glad for her. Her existence had been miserable for too long. My picture of her will be forever young. It has been very hard to look at her in her shriveled and palsied condition these past months. She was so beautiful in life.

I had prepared myself for this event every day for two years. I'm amazed she held on for so long. She had ceased to be any semblance of the being she wanted to be, the person she saw herself as. When she went I had already bidden her farewell many times in my heart because she had been leaving little pieces of herself along the path for years like Gretyl trying to remember her way home. I had long been rehearsing the steps to the grief dance in my imagination, so the concrete event wasn't terribly sad or traumatic for me.

But when I had gotten over the shock of her actually dying and while I was waiting for the authorities to arrive from the hospice, I was overcome with this crazy urge. I knew they would come soon and carry her away and I would never see her again. No, no, the urge wasn't Oedipal. The urge was to paint a clown's face on her. I pictured her in whiteface with amazed eyes and a cherry nose and an exaggerated purple fixed smile. It wouldn't have taken much makeup. It was one of those shamefully wicked fantasies that makes you want to pimp-slap yourself around the room for even having it. But Mom would have appreciated that kind of gallows theater humor. She was always up for the next show. I probably would have done it too, if not for the presence of my sister who didn't inherit my mother's cavalier attitude toward life and death and spirit, and was at that moment sobbing uncontrollably over the empty shell.

My mother was too poor to afford a pauper's grave. She left this life carrying just what she came with. The medical examiner's office confiscated the body and grudgingly turned it to ash. They won't give us the ashes unless we pay for them. She would have laughed. When asked if she would like to be buried or cremated, she often said, "Don't fuss over my remains....just have a party."
"These words don't make me a poet, these Eyes make me a poet."

The Poet's Eye

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Post by mnaz » November 26th, 2009, 8:53 pm

it's a heart and mind tug 'o war sort of thing. you know the people you love, and you eventually, need to go at some point, and continued suffering is pointless much beyond, but you know you will miss them terribly.

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Post by mb » November 26th, 2009, 9:37 pm

LR, thanks for sharing a small bit of your mom with us. My sympathies to you and your family.


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Post by mtmynd » November 26th, 2009, 11:33 pm

"... sobbing uncontrollably over the empty shell."

that empty shell is so accurate a description. upon seeing my own mother's empty shell some 20 minutes after she passed i was once again struck how mysterious the passing of life is and what we know as life simply leaves the body leaving that empty shell you wrote of... looking nothing like the life-filled shell it once was. your idea of the white face and red nose is rather 'gallow humorous' to the stark and empty face that no longer holds the life of one who lived within

for many years i've chosen 'passing' over the cold, unimaginative word 'death' which denotes such a finality as to dismiss the fact that those we loved and lived with upon passing, still leaves their memory alive within us for as long as we, ourselves, live until our passing.

accept my condolences, eLRod. it's evident you felt strongly for your mother.

take care, amigo.
Allow not destiny to intrude upon Now

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Post by SadLuckDame » November 26th, 2009, 11:36 pm

Your beautiful mother, thank you for shining her light here for us. My condolences too Lrod.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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Post by judih » November 27th, 2009, 12:27 am

Philosophical, humourous, accepting - both you and your mother, clay - you've written an acutely human account of watching your loved one step away from life.

the clown face - the actual face - the heart, 'all ash, all ashes again' (as ginsberg commented over neal cassady's ashes)

i'm sorry for your loss. She truly was a gorgeous woman - may her genes grow fruitful

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Post by the mingo » November 27th, 2009, 11:23 am


I agree with your mother. When the time is right have that party she wanted you to have.
Doll, you may have found a place of rest but I'm still on the trail.

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Post by stilltrucking » November 27th, 2009, 9:43 pm

I am glad you were able to bring her home Clay.

I hope she will always be gentle on your mind and in your dreams.

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Post by Arcadia » November 28th, 2009, 9:54 am

yeah... welcomes and farewells are very moving and there are special ones where our heart´s motivos are inevitablemente in full display... Bravo for let them be and gracias for also sharing them with us l-rod!! (she´s so beautiful!!!! :D ) A big abrazo to you and best wishes for you taking care of yourself, amigo!

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Post by Dave The Dov » November 29th, 2009, 6:22 am

My sympathies go with you.

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Post by singlemalt » November 30th, 2009, 11:50 am

So sorry to hear the news Clay. No matter how much you prepare, losing a parent is a strange, shocking, life-altering event.

My dad died four years ago at 67 years of age. We were sort of close, but not extremely close. I don't know how to explain it, but I think about him often. I had some strange dream about him a few days ago. It never leaves you.

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Post by hester_prynne » December 1st, 2009, 2:01 am

Been thinkin about you LRod, take care, sending you strength..
H 8)
"I am a victim of society, and, an entertainer"........DW

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Post by Artguy » December 1st, 2009, 9:02 am

Hi Lrod my condolences. From the photo Doreen posted in tribute I see a vibrant ...very alive and beautiful woman, and I am sure that is how you will always see her.

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Post by Lightning Rod » December 1st, 2009, 4:10 pm

thank you all for your kind and uplifting words in this difficult time
they mean a great deal to me coming from my friends
give me a while and I'll be back to my cantankerous self
"These words don't make me a poet, these Eyes make me a poet."

The Poet's Eye

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