Literary Insults

[Doreen Peri]

It's been said that if you can't say anything nice, at least have the courtesy to be vague. LOL!!! I love that. I wish I knew who said it! But anyway, Sharon sent these to me in my email yesterday with the title "Literary Insults" and I thought, yes, these insults ARE literary, and not only that, they're pretty damn funny, too!


"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."-Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -Moses Hadas

"His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open." -Howard Hughes (about Clark Gable)

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."-Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -Jack E. Leonard

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."-Charles, Count Talleyrand

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -MarkTwain

"A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity." -Mark Twain

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -MarkTwain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West

"She is a peacock in everything but beauty." -Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."-Oscar Wilde

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -Billy Wilder

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination" -Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

[mousey1]

Heh Heh Heh!

Very funny!!! Clever, witty barbs. I love 'em.

You know Doreen, you've got a nice site here. And I really enjoy all the snappy repartee that goes on. I like that you don't quash it. This place smacks of reality and that's good. It's a community after all and takes all kinds and I like the diversity. We're all real people and we bring our personalities to bear and so it should be.

I would take no insult to heart here, real or perceived, and no one should. So long as I am free to say "Bite me" to whomsoever I wish as necessary. Is that asking too much. I promise to smile afterward!

Good site, good people, me thinks. 'Course I'm retarted!

[Doreen Peri]

Hey mousy1!

Yeah, these cracked me up! Creatively worded, aren't they?

Thanks for the kind words about Studio Eight. Your comments are music to my ears.

Yes, we are all real people and I, too, think it's a good thing to let people interact naturally with each other. I'm very happy to hear you feel comfortable here.

The purpose of this post was not to dredge up conversation about how to reply to or ignore insults but since that has been a sore spot on the boards on occasion and since you brought it up, if you feel compelled to post a well-deserved "bite me" and promise to smile afterward, I don't think that's asking too much at all!

Of course, you can also feel free to quote any of above scholars if you'd like. I just did.

[Zlatko Waterman]

"When God decided to create human beings, first he made school boards. That was for practice . . ."


--Mark Twain

[perezoso]

"Carlyle said "a lie cannot live." It shows that he did not know how to tell them." Mark Twain


"It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go."


"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim."


"Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so."

Bertrand Russell

[Lightning Rod]

"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." -- Winston Churchill

[perezoso]

"Women have, commonly, a very positive moral sense; that which they will, is right; that which they reject, is wrong; and their will, in most cases, ends by settling the moral."

Henry Adams

"On one issue, at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women. "

H.L. Mencken

"Women, when they have made a sheep of a man, always tell him that he is a lion with a will of iron."

Honore de Balzac

[hester_prynne]

Heh! Good ol Balzy.
He knows the score for sure.

[mousey1]

Good ones.

LRod, uh, Winston Churchill? Colour me skeptical!

I like Dylan Thomas' way.....he literally insults himself.
There's something to be said for beating others to the punch... line.

"Somebody's boring me. I think it's me."

"Whatever talents I possess may suddenly diminish or suddenly increase. I can with ease become an ordinary fool. I may be one now. But it doesn't do to upset one's own vanity."

Oh, how about this one....

How do you keep an asshole in suspense?



Tell me tomorrow.

I mean

I'll tell you tomorrow.


Oh, and thanks Doreen. I promise not to abuse my "Bite me" powers.

[Doreen Peri]

just found this 'cause i was digging in the archives because i love digging in the archives ...

anyway thought i'd share it again

it's been a long time

[Artguy]

I love a subtle barb,,,,looks like someone has been lazing in the sun....

[Nazz]

I love this thread. Thanks Doreen. I'm sure I'll add to it when I get the time..

[stilltrucking]

Charles Kingsley called Shelley "a lewd vegetarian."




Where have all the insults gone?