I Can cry for old Dead White guys, But then who'd cry 4 me.

[izeveryboyin]

Did you know: Studies have shown that I smoke and drink to much and am too preoccupied with my own addictions to give a shit about my health. Do you also know that when I found out about HST's death on Chicago Tonight yesterday, I cried like a fucking baby and wanted sadly for a life I'd never had. Do realize my past. Do you realize how pissed off I am? I'd write more but my fingers hurt, and my brain is tired. Nobody ever fucking told me sanity was required.

[jimboloco]

You are young.
Emotions stay strong, but
you get experience with them.

I care about you. that's not much, but a little can go a ways.

Bennie wrote a poem about feeling insignificant.

I did a lot of therapy, coming back from despair.
do what ya gotta do.
Get help also, when ya need it.

You are young, bright, caring, sensitive.
See ya in 36 years sweetie.

If not sooner!

[knip]

i am not young, but i am stupid sometimes

i am quitting smoking march 1st, not because i want to, but because my 74-year old father has quit for a month now, and i have just run out of excuses for my wife and kids. i'm not looking forward to it. i plan on writing a lot more, drinking a lot less, and going to the gym a lot more. i've signed up for step aerobics classes, starting next tuesday. maybe this is my middle-aged breakdown that never happened when i turned 40 a few years ago. it just zoomed on by me like fritz on the autobahn

so now i'm turning into this caricature of the 40ish white guy doing aerobics in crappy sports gear, and wondering how the hell i'm going to get through my thursday night piss-up jams at the mess without smoking. i'm telling myself that i can probably smoke just that one night of the week. i'm sure that'll work out real well

did i have a point? i don't know. when i heard hst died my first thought was why hadn't i read more of him? as i try to learn more about my favourite topic - counterculture throughout the ages - balh blah blah, why hadn't i read more hst? i read hell's angels and that was it. hell, i've read every robert heinlein, pierre berton, john irving book around, and pretty near every james michener. why do i keep going back to these when there's so much more out there to taste?

i don't know. we're all works in progress, i think


20 years younger, living in chicago, not married...i'd date ya, k...if'n you'd have me

[Scootertrash]

Yo knipper, I'm comin' up on one whole month smoke free- went from two pks a day to not one toke just like that-It's not as hard to do as you think it is--get some of those patches--they take the rough edge of it off, guaranteed.
Suprises the hell outta me what breathing is like after only one month. If you wanna quit just quit-don't fill your head with second thoughts or doubts of your ability to do it.
It ain't about "trying", it's about "doing". Tryin' is dyin'

[mousey1]

Sanity's required? Sanity's required! I'm in biiiiggggg trouble!

Izy, you're young, make the best of it. Pursue what makes you happy and don't let anyone or anything talk you out of it. Easier said than done I know, but really, life is short make it sweet.

There is much to be said for keeping a clear head. Do not go the way of the loser. You have so much fricking talent. You write good! Have your fun but be sensible about it. One has to make experiences but keep your wits about you. You don't sound like a fool....not by a long shot.

Anyway, I'm crawling back into my hole.
Mousey out.

[izeveryboyin]

I think I'm just overly dramatic "with undertones of extreme personal danger" as thompson says. Maybe it's youth, maybe it's life, and maybe it's nothing at all. Who cares. I'll just go have a smoke and try to sodomize the pain.

[mousey1]

"Sodomize the pain"

See what I mean. You, you, you writer you!!!!!!!

Dramatics make the world go round. I eat 'em up. The whole world is a stage and we are merely players or words to that effect. Now see, see what I just wrote, made up in my little head, it sounds vaguely familiar but I'm sure I'm onto something here.

Insanity Insanity there's somethin' 'bout insanity, draws me like a moth to it's goofy little flame.

[bennie]

since you mentioned sanity, darlin'

Any time of day is a good time for Dylan Thomas:

That sanity be kept I sit at open windows,
Regard the sky, make unobtrusive comment on the moon,
Sit at open windows in my shirt,
And let the traffic pass, the signals shine,
The engines run, the brass bands keep in tune,
For sanity must be preserved.

Thinking of death, I sit and watch the park
Where children play in all their innocence,
And matrons on the littered grass
Absorb the daily sun.

The sweet suburban music from a hundred lawns
Comes softly to my ears. The English mowers mow and mow.

I mark the couples waking arm in arm,
Observe their smiles,
Sweet invitations and inventions,
See them lend love illustration
By gesture and grimace.
I watch them curiously, detect beneath the laughs
What stands for grief, a vague bewilderment
At things not turning right.

I sit at open windows in my shirt,
Observe, like some Jehovah of the west
What passes by, that sanity be kept.

I'm in between dreams at the moment, so I'm not listening. My temperature is premature.

Pain is your curse. It's all that fucking thinking you do. I'm of the opinion that's what leads to all the early deaths of artists (arty deaths of earls) and drug Mad-dictions of artists and insanity inside them through the ears and the years of van gogh. death to them. hide them behind the bulbous velvet curtains.

But the pay off is you get to see things and think things that others pass by daily. I hate when I feel down. And I love when I feel up. Maybe I'm manic depressive. I love that song.

Don't shave your hands off because you think and feel.

give us a kiss and a chip and one fingered gesture.

[mousey1]

Izy are you list'nin'?

To Dylan and Bennie's wis dom.

Gold baby, pure gold!

On a sad note and to state the obvious....

DYLAN DIED TOO YOUNG!

Talented people must stay, stay as long as possible to keep the rest of us up on our toes, turning the pirouette of life.(Ech, schmaltzy or what!)

[izeveryboyin]

I listen.. I listen well my friends. be praised good beenie. be praised.

[izeveryboyin]

oh shit i called u beenie. sorry.

[Glorious Amok]

s..sa..ssa... sanity is required? SANITY? oh fer chisssakes, i thought the manual said VANITY was required! no wonder i'm still sittin' at the back of the freakin' line.

shit.

[izeveryboyin]

's okay... I'm right there witcha!! We'll rewrite the rules and be vain and be insane and all that other shit.
--K

[jimboloco]

well, this is a bit of a snippet, a flashback caused by beeny's post,

I am so greatful for that post, bennae, i immediately flashed back
to ten years ago, was working in my former hospital and had "floated" to the neuro floor where there was this fello coming back from a closed head injury and he was standing out at the noizez station, trying to recite keats poems to get his brain in shape.

Amazzing. What a jewel of a pome.

What's funnier that bennie with a beenie?

jimboloco on yohimbe.

Yesterday I admitted a patient for treatment, then at closing time, asked him who was his nurse the night before and had left my call beeper in his top drawer. But we got th job done. 13 hour day without a break, streamofconsciousness....

sorry. it's my baseline.

as it was , somebody stole some demerol that evening, ten yuks ago, and natasha, the russian gestapo bosslady, tapped me for a drug test, they popped me, said i was acting angry at th time, being popped and escorted out with security, out in a huff, just like that, the place sucked (now in latinoville, more love floating around).....i had a week off waiting for the results to come back negative, she said i kept asking this girlie what was her name over and over. . .

i've never did demerol. only opium (smoked coated on joints) & heroin (smoked it in ciggies in dope hut vietnam), hashish, pot, mescaline, speed, acid, cocaine, tobacco, alchohol, but hey, that was in my youth....

I AM A SURVIVOR, a speak resilience, and now am modified.....
marijuana, and booze. Thazzzz it.

and moments of absolute clarity inbetween.
that is the ultimate drug. a slow burn.
natural zone. sobriety.

kwote:

"to suffer woes that hope thinks infinite
to forgive wrongs darker than deepest night
to love, to bear, to hope, til hope
creates from its own wreck
the thing it contemplates...."(my man percy b shelly)

unkwote

[bennie]

Oh, so because I said, jokingly, to mousey1 that I am I.E. I am being called all sorts?

I'm telling Doreen on you lot. Mispelling my name is name calling and it will stop now.

Ha. Fucker.

I was thinking about a girl called Natasha last night. A girl I met on my journalism course. great eye make up. Boho gypsy goth dresser. very soft spoken so you had to lean in to hear her. she was very endearing.

she left the course and that was that.