Why can't you fall off a mountain?

[stilltrucking]

A reality check: I suppose it has something to do with fear.

For a long time I used to believe I could not fall off the edge of my mind. And then when I was crazy, I was afraid of being crazy. Now no so much fear, the blessings of longevity I suppose.

[mnaz]

I guess you can fall off a mountain... 'tho maybe not if you're "in the moment," or "getting the jazz" of it, as st. jack described his matterhorn descent, if I remember correctly ....

my wander--- what there's been of it--- has obviously been far less hip-urban than his, and less vertical and more lateral out in the wild. you'll even catch my lazy ass out there asking "how high is enough?" .... instead of just climbing. but a lot of dusty roads though ....

it's been damn hard to capture, to my satisfaction, the time when I took my "big leap"--- I quit my job, packed the truck and tried to move to the desert... on 9-10-01. it was a bad time to be alone on the road, having given up my place back home. every time I get it written down, I want to edit it back out. no one wants to read this stuff, intruding into an epic "rebirth" journey. yet how can it be ignored? it's indelibly etched ....

can you fall off a mountain? I don't know. not sure ...

as I ramble on ....

[stilltrucking]

"The human brain not only can hold two contradictory ideas at the same time but insists on it." A.B.

can you fall off the grid?
why should I even care?
but it was a lucky day for me when you took that quantum leap
you took me with you reading over your shoulder seeing through your words
what had been just another roadside attraction for me as the road came at me through my windshield and disappeared under my wheels

my field of visual sensations filtered through the windshield of a truck at a time in my life when i awoke earlier than Japhy Ryder and I sat zen with Gary Snyder, because there was no other life

yes timing was everything
no timing is everything
mountains change over time
from the rockies to appalachia's rolling hills

in Kerouac's time
in our time
perhaps the mountains are less
or more
slippery

I am a truck red said
I am a schumck I drive a truck my true love's father told her in 1961
when I saw the world through the rear view mirror of a 1956 ford convertible cause we had fun fun fun till her daddy took...

my wander
my climb
thinking of sunday school classses and the view from the rear view mirror of a sixties mustang,

our father's hell did slowly go bye
and heaven is slowly coming

thinking about the devils
we fear
America the paranoid
how can we get along without devils


heaven and hell
Kerouac my saint in both places which I find is weird
or maybe Ambrose Bierce was right

sorry I need to edit this mess
thank you for taking the time to give me an excuse to ramble over your pithy text box

[mnaz]

no you can't fall off the grid; not really. not with all the drones and satellites (the "big space eye"), but i came damn close. twice. the first time i took the wrong fork for many miles into the snowstorm mountains in Nevada. when the trail finally dead-ended up against some dull-brown scarp, i had absolutely no clue where i was on the face of earth-- what a weird, sinking feeling-- all referential footing yanked from underneath you.

that first time i was able to retrace my path, but the second time-- not so lucky. i got turned around on a vast sage ocean in east Oregon's cow country--- couldn't find the trail out to the state road. i kept going down these long dead-end trails, and fuel was running out. i went through some awful panic waves, and thought about trying to hike out, but luckily some dude came by (i wrote about this in the book). for awhile--- off the grid. no radio, no phone, no gps. just me, and rock, sky and scrub. the dark side of my great divide ....

i edited much out of my "theology" chapter, but left in that paragraph about sunday school and the coming big war, and all the isms, isms, more isms. ism and schism... after 3 paragraphs i finally just decided that "faith used to be more humble," (before the empires) ...

but what the hell do i know? ...

thought about kerouac and women. don't really know why he gave them little or no depth in his stories. maybe roadgoing in general is that way. not wanting to stop, to "settle," to give up the spontaneity, the freewheeling jazz, the sound of your engine, and roostertail of dust to the outer rim .... still, these shallow cardboard cutout women that keep showing up on the pages ... i don't know ... what the hell do i know? ....
there ..... should ...... be .......more ...... somehow .....

yes, we need our devils. this economy runs on good vs evil.

[stilltrucking]

I read that in the book, still have not read all the way through it.

I read you close, you are one of my treasures,

To me when you write about the "conundrums"
that is about as theological as it can get for me
for a long time I thought women were the penultimate conundrum
now I see it is something more than just that
it is the "come on of the conundrum"
how my brain is seduced by the mystery of what is

[stilltrucking]

what was here before the big bang?
and where is it all going?
sincerely, amen

theology I can use

[mtmynd]

living on the eastside of the Franklin Mountains, i offer: one can fall off a mountain of their own making. but nature's mountains...? where does the mountain begin would be the point of ascension, where one would have to fall to when falling off or you don't really fall off, but merely down until stopping.

[mnaz]

good point. you could "fall off the mountain," yet still be on the mountain. and if you jumped from a plane you could fall onto a mountain ...

I think mr. k was metaphorically exulting in spontaneity and "letting go of fear" when he made that memorable exclamation while up in the sierras, but who knows for sure?

[stilltrucking]

yes st k was doing exactly that, I hear That Mount Tamaplais is a walk, no climbing gear needed except good shoes. I would love to make that walk some day.

I get hung up on words, "falling off" brings to mind sheer cliffs and steep drops off of edges, I am trying to be careful with my metaphorical mountains, they are such dangerous places, beautiful beyond words, exhilarating, awesome, and fearful.

I try to think of Gary Snyder driving a truck over Monarch Pass in Colorado during a winter storm. He could do it, if ever I have experienced satori, nirvanna and the rapture it was the winter of =? long time I ago I forgot, back when I still was a thing called alive and on the road.
sitting oh so cool
on my stool

You can always tell you are with a green horn trucker from some podunk town in New Jersey cause when you go through El Paso he will say "Wow the Rockie Mountains"
I saw a picture from fifty years ago and those Davis mountains, there was snow on those peaks.

[mtmynd]

Your mention of Mt Tamalpais, (Mt Tam), brought back a rush of memories for me. Having lived in the Bay Area I had journeyed many a time up that mountain for the beauty and vistas. Even SooZen and I had made that trip a few times.

I had (with some friends, always) a wonderful experience seeing my first (and possibly last) Pete Seeger concert at Mt Tam's amphitheater... a great place that used the mountain's rock to create a place that loved music.

So many memories of that spot of that mountain... and Mill Valley at the base - neat bohemian town that had so much character. I want to return thanks to you, JT...

[mnaz]

well cec, if you can't make it to mount tam, you could always relive it through the pages of kerouac's the dharma bums. it's one of the (many) cool things about that book ... he climbs up not one but three mountains! and finally ends up at the top of one .... a three mountain book ! that's pretty amazing ....

[stilltrucking]

Not that much fun in a truck. My visions of mountains about 99 percent terror the rest pure bliss.

I would like to walk the Appalachian trail one more time.