I am getting scared Clay

[stilltrucking]

I don't have the enough talent to disquise the details of my family. Believe me. I have good reason to be worried about it. I remember once posting something to feral about a site I googled to from one of Pellerine's flames to me. It was a web site of one of those Holocaust denials. You know six million was just a exaggeration. Feral could not seem to get a grip on why I was upset. Just some harmless wacko he thought. Believe me there are people out there who would like to see me and my family dead. You neve mention anything about those skin heads you met while reading Voltaire. At least one person I know has good reason to keep a weapon handy.

Just don't know the more I post here the more I regret it.

The friends of St Jack suffered consequences of the fame he gave them. adios until I figure out how to deal with my fears. I am going to miss this place. Like a fresh wind of freedom.

icchantika

just not happening
I wonder what my family would say about what I have said about them . Why was I doing this, for just my f**king vanity. I did learn a lot from the women here. And the Buddhists.

just call me icchantika

A real ego trip.

You are smart not to write anything about the brotherhood.
Just learned that was at one time a contract out on Homeboy's life. Probably had something to do with the job he had in huntsville

[stilltrucking]

just call me icchantika

I guess I ain't your go to guy anymore.

another step back from my self. a little farther from my mind.

learning to think with that brain in my gut. I feel like a guy waking from a nightmare in fear.

just forget about it
right now I am pretty got damned scared.
but it will pass

I won't say good bye to you
just so long

[Doreen Peri]

still -

I really greatly doubt anybody would or could hunt you down and kill you, finding you through your posts here at Studio Eight. If someone wanted to kill you, it would be much more likely to be someone who is trying to rob your home or steal your car and you happen to be in the way at the time.

If you are going to take a break from posting here, we will miss you! You are welcome here any time.

[stilltrucking]

a ball of fear in the pit of my stomach. I have not idea what it is. I felt it building, been tying to to back out of here for two weeks. But you are all so beautiful and interesting it has been hard to do. Nothing to do with clay. It started with the Cecil and Clay exhange about the fourth estate in France. What is next the terror? I have no sweat about anyone trying to kill me. It is all family related. After 11/22/63 I had to move away from my family. Maybe that is what I need to do now.I don't think I can save my sister. She has to deal with it herself. Done about all I can do. I don't hate her for what has happened to my nephew. Just a unbroken chain of sorrow. I promised rose on her death bed I would look out for her daughter. Got a really strange look from her in return. I just have a sense of revulsion against myself for all I have posted here and on litkicks about my family. What the hell for, why?

just a crazy old fool. But believe me I have no fear about anyone killing me. This is all family paranoia. Once I posted something about the sickness unto death, fear and trembling and the concept f dread. I got it bad. thanks for coming back to me. Fucking words, just won't bend and flow around what I am feeling. No fear for myself. but a sense of dread for what may be coming for my sister.
I do not know what chance a kid has in prison when he has a tatoo of a swashtika on his arm with a red circle and a line drawn through it. How we live out our unconsious desires. Especially our death wishes. Going to work on my web site leave you all in peace.

No need to respond to this. I won't see it

good bye doreen, I have made a lot of progress since I met you on litkicks. Now I go it alone. Which is what we all have to do anyway.
so long and thanks for all the fish
i mean good bye.

[Doreen Peri]

"You say good-bye and I say hello.
Hello hello! I don't know why you say good-bye
I say hello"

Peace & love to you, brotha!

Computers are a good way to connect, but they don't compare to the real thing. Let's get together in person, ok?

[Tilly]

Hey - all life is a gift, we just have to figure it out on our own. Whatever happened with you family is just what happened - if you did it, you are responsible. if you didn't, you are not. i know that bottomless pit of guilt, shame and utter fear that some one may know who i am. it doesn't have to be that way ... unless, of course, you want it to. when i realized that people only do exactly what they want to do, i figured i didn't want to live there anymore. and all that i had done, whether real or imagined by me or by them, i did because i wanted to and now i don't. i'd change all the evil i have done if i possibly could, but i can't. all i can do is try to do better and try to help my fellow sufferers. life is suffering, but there is a way not to suffer, not to get hung up or attached to it.

sure hope you check back in.
t