2005 ending, wrapping up
Posted: December 27th, 2005, 1:04 pm
Hard to believe we're nearly over the peak of the first decade of this new century. Seems just a minute ago I was wondering how in the fuck we were going to refer to these 200... years. 05? 2thousand5? ought5? 2double05? I'm not worried about those things anymore.
Minor thematic moment in the book I'm working on now is our use of time, how we've stuck it hopefully into this false circle, the clocks, the revolving pattern of reappearing things, entire years gone by with merely the click of a last digit, making it seem like nothing's happened, like no ages have passed, like no one's died, nothing's changed. But really, is humanity on the short end of its hourglass already? Most of us certainly are, but we're ignoring those facts.
Something else I've thought of recently, with all these Biblical shows on the History Channel and everything, is the grand metaphors of the Bible. what is heaven, really, what was heaven even ever really meant to mean? I've held for several years now that the best way to live forever is for your survivors to remember you, to remember your life's philosophy, your jokes, your goodness. This was a good way to comfort myself when my last two grandparents died in the past 3 years, when a good friend of mine died in 2003 of a diving accident, when my family lost a young uncle of mine to cancer earlier this year. I think to myself, if I remember the goodness they brought to my life and passed that goodness on in some way, then they would really live forever. Our physical selves are not only so fragile but also so ordinary. What makes us unique isnt our occupations or our hobbies or our bodies, but our utterances, our quirks, our thoughts related in stories, jokes, hugs and ideas.
When we die, our survivors carry those things on, and mostly they carry on the good things, not the bad things. The better we are in life, the more good there is to carry on after our death. When we are living, our hope is to be surrounded by people who see us in a grand, brilliant light, where people love us and treat us well because of our goodness. What a heaven life would be if thats how life were. In fact, thats how it is for us when we die - our survivors see us in all our goodness. even Reagan, Nixon, our bitchy old relatives, remembered well (in many ways). Only the truly bad, the Hitlers and the Stalins, are relegated to history's hell. The rest of us get a heaven. Maybe thats what the ancient Hebrews had in mind, really, when they came up with the Biblical Heaven, when they were trying to get us to be good in this life. The rest of the Bible is a metaphor anyway.
Where was I going with this - I'm not sure. I have to finish my book. I had plans to finish it in the summer of 05. I was on pace, actually, until things got bad this year. I've written over 100,000 words of it and am a quarter of the way thru a solid second draft. But towards the end of the year i had health problems and some craziness that fucked me all up. I think I can finish it soon, tho. I'm regaining some strength and desire again. I even wrote last week, over a thousand words. It's starting to really come together. Thats a positive thing. I have to finish it before I die because books arent written in heaven, even in the most optimistic kind.
There is nothing better, I think, than seeing little kids open presents, or tucking them into bed at nite seeing true santa belief in their eyes. It's not a nice world that we've given them, that the truly beautiful things, unbridled happiness that we can offer them, are just lies. Sometimes I think that we should have arranged society around our children, that houses should have gigantic slides and bubble machines and hidden doors instead of walk-in closets and pantries. Cars should have more colors, streets should all be 15 mph and there should be roller coasters on playgrounds. We should have built a world of fun. Instead we've built a world of panic, anger and hatred, tests and salary scales. It really fucking sucks, actually. At least we still have our kids, and we have our books, and we have sex and good food and things that make us happy and gleeful. Dogs that run until they pee when we come home from work. We're ticklish, we have punchlines and punch bowls. we have the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy and boogiemen that STAY in the closet if we just remember to close the door or keep on a light. And we have the monkeys, we'll always have the monkeys.
oo-ee, oo-ah-ah.
ching chang, walla walla bing bang.
Minor thematic moment in the book I'm working on now is our use of time, how we've stuck it hopefully into this false circle, the clocks, the revolving pattern of reappearing things, entire years gone by with merely the click of a last digit, making it seem like nothing's happened, like no ages have passed, like no one's died, nothing's changed. But really, is humanity on the short end of its hourglass already? Most of us certainly are, but we're ignoring those facts.
Something else I've thought of recently, with all these Biblical shows on the History Channel and everything, is the grand metaphors of the Bible. what is heaven, really, what was heaven even ever really meant to mean? I've held for several years now that the best way to live forever is for your survivors to remember you, to remember your life's philosophy, your jokes, your goodness. This was a good way to comfort myself when my last two grandparents died in the past 3 years, when a good friend of mine died in 2003 of a diving accident, when my family lost a young uncle of mine to cancer earlier this year. I think to myself, if I remember the goodness they brought to my life and passed that goodness on in some way, then they would really live forever. Our physical selves are not only so fragile but also so ordinary. What makes us unique isnt our occupations or our hobbies or our bodies, but our utterances, our quirks, our thoughts related in stories, jokes, hugs and ideas.
When we die, our survivors carry those things on, and mostly they carry on the good things, not the bad things. The better we are in life, the more good there is to carry on after our death. When we are living, our hope is to be surrounded by people who see us in a grand, brilliant light, where people love us and treat us well because of our goodness. What a heaven life would be if thats how life were. In fact, thats how it is for us when we die - our survivors see us in all our goodness. even Reagan, Nixon, our bitchy old relatives, remembered well (in many ways). Only the truly bad, the Hitlers and the Stalins, are relegated to history's hell. The rest of us get a heaven. Maybe thats what the ancient Hebrews had in mind, really, when they came up with the Biblical Heaven, when they were trying to get us to be good in this life. The rest of the Bible is a metaphor anyway.
Where was I going with this - I'm not sure. I have to finish my book. I had plans to finish it in the summer of 05. I was on pace, actually, until things got bad this year. I've written over 100,000 words of it and am a quarter of the way thru a solid second draft. But towards the end of the year i had health problems and some craziness that fucked me all up. I think I can finish it soon, tho. I'm regaining some strength and desire again. I even wrote last week, over a thousand words. It's starting to really come together. Thats a positive thing. I have to finish it before I die because books arent written in heaven, even in the most optimistic kind.
There is nothing better, I think, than seeing little kids open presents, or tucking them into bed at nite seeing true santa belief in their eyes. It's not a nice world that we've given them, that the truly beautiful things, unbridled happiness that we can offer them, are just lies. Sometimes I think that we should have arranged society around our children, that houses should have gigantic slides and bubble machines and hidden doors instead of walk-in closets and pantries. Cars should have more colors, streets should all be 15 mph and there should be roller coasters on playgrounds. We should have built a world of fun. Instead we've built a world of panic, anger and hatred, tests and salary scales. It really fucking sucks, actually. At least we still have our kids, and we have our books, and we have sex and good food and things that make us happy and gleeful. Dogs that run until they pee when we come home from work. We're ticklish, we have punchlines and punch bowls. we have the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy and boogiemen that STAY in the closet if we just remember to close the door or keep on a light. And we have the monkeys, we'll always have the monkeys.
oo-ee, oo-ah-ah.
ching chang, walla walla bing bang.
