Kansas City Shuffle
Posted: November 1st, 2006, 1:44 pm
"Some hunrgy poet son of a bitch... He gets to be famous, I get to be rich"
Hi kids. It's been a swell day. It really has. Byron called. Banana Republic is considering me for a gig (sweet) and my Monopoly[tm] dreams have come to life. I've had a bank error in my favor. They refunded me $90.09. Tell me that's not awesome and I'll punch you in the face [random cosigner-"she'll do it!"] I've got this bag of Tostidos that Gregg, my boss is letting me eat at my desk which sits directly in front of the big glass doors of our office suite b/c he wants some poon. I don't know what it is boys and girls, older guys dig me. And this one's married. No thanks, buddy. Look at that. I've been stealing your wallet while wowing you with my awesome day. But I'm not done here. B/c you know what they say. You can't have a Kansas City Shuffle w/out a body. So I'm going to Scotland in the winter. Mexico's gonna have to sit on that filth-ridden back-burner of my vacation dreams while I am taken on gothic guided tours by Andrew, the happy house elf. (too many nights of reading Harry Potter under the blankets). Here are some things I don't understand about life that I would like you to look at while I murder the President:
-Oprah
-the immediate addiction of man(woman) to the internet
-the creation of white chocolate Reese's and Mocha Kit-Kat Bars (why fuck with a good thing?)
-the necessity of video hoes
-my mother's excessive use of the word "heifer"
-my mother, in general
-the unwritten agreement made between yourself and your cell provider that says your cell provider gets to rape you up the ass on occasion depending on said cell provider's mood.
-the use of such bands as My Chemical Romance, AFI, The Used, etc. They just suck. They really do.
-the need for speed
-the need for another 007 movie if Pierce Brosnan of Sean Connery circa 1962 is not going to be Bond.
-politics as a sexually alternative lifestyle.
-myspace
THANK YOU. I HAVE NOW KILLED THE PRESIDENT. PLEASE PROCEED WITH YOUR NORMAL DAILY ACTIVITIES.
END KANSAS CITY SHUFFLE
Hi kids. It's been a swell day. It really has. Byron called. Banana Republic is considering me for a gig (sweet) and my Monopoly[tm] dreams have come to life. I've had a bank error in my favor. They refunded me $90.09. Tell me that's not awesome and I'll punch you in the face [random cosigner-"she'll do it!"] I've got this bag of Tostidos that Gregg, my boss is letting me eat at my desk which sits directly in front of the big glass doors of our office suite b/c he wants some poon. I don't know what it is boys and girls, older guys dig me. And this one's married. No thanks, buddy. Look at that. I've been stealing your wallet while wowing you with my awesome day. But I'm not done here. B/c you know what they say. You can't have a Kansas City Shuffle w/out a body. So I'm going to Scotland in the winter. Mexico's gonna have to sit on that filth-ridden back-burner of my vacation dreams while I am taken on gothic guided tours by Andrew, the happy house elf. (too many nights of reading Harry Potter under the blankets). Here are some things I don't understand about life that I would like you to look at while I murder the President:
-Oprah
-the immediate addiction of man(woman) to the internet
-the creation of white chocolate Reese's and Mocha Kit-Kat Bars (why fuck with a good thing?)
-the necessity of video hoes
-my mother's excessive use of the word "heifer"
-my mother, in general
-the unwritten agreement made between yourself and your cell provider that says your cell provider gets to rape you up the ass on occasion depending on said cell provider's mood.
-the use of such bands as My Chemical Romance, AFI, The Used, etc. They just suck. They really do.
-the need for speed
-the need for another 007 movie if Pierce Brosnan of Sean Connery circa 1962 is not going to be Bond.
-politics as a sexually alternative lifestyle.
-myspace
THANK YOU. I HAVE NOW KILLED THE PRESIDENT. PLEASE PROCEED WITH YOUR NORMAL DAILY ACTIVITIES.
END KANSAS CITY SHUFFLE