How 'Bout that Mason Williams... he wrote all these lyrics just for you!
Them Lunch Toters
How about them Lunch Toters, Ain't they a bunch?
Goin off to work, a totin' they lunch.
Totin' them vittles, Totin' that chow,
Eatin' it later, totin' it now!
Look at them Lunch Toters, Ain't they funny?
Some use a paper sack, Some use a gunny.
Them food frugal Lunch Toters, Ain't they wise?
Totin' they lunch, made by they wives.
How to be a Lunch Toters? If I may emote it;
Gitchy wife to fix it, go to work and tote it!
Them Stamp Lickers
How about them Stamp Lickers, Ain't they champs?
Drool, slurp slobber, lickin' them stamps.
Lickin' them green stamps, lickin' them blue,
Lickin' that paper, eatin' that glue!
Look at them Stamp Lickers, Ain't they gung-ho!
Lickin' them thrift stamps with they tongue -y-o.
Them lolly guggle Stamp Lickers, Ain't they a rage!
Stickin' them licky stamps on that page.
How to be a Stamp Lickers? Don't need a ticket;
Get a stamp or two, juice up and lick it!
Them Hors D'oeuvres
How about Hors D'oeuvres, Ain't they sweet?
Little piece of cheese, Little piece of meat!
Them Sand Pickers
How about them Sand Pickers, Ain't they grand?
Sittin' on their haunches, Pickin' in the sand
Pickin' in the wet sand, Pickin in the dry,
Pickin' it fiercely, look at it fly!
Look at them Sand Pickers, Ain't they slick?
Some use they fingers, some use a stick.
Them Seashore Sand Pickers, Ain't they fine?
Sittin' in the sand a-pickin' up time.
How to be a sand picker? Don't need a ticket;
Find a bunch of sand, Skootch down and pick it!
Them Dog Kickers
How about them Dog Kickers, Ain't they a crumbs?
Kickin' them doggies in they buns.
Kickin' them Afghans, kickin' them mutts,
Kickin' them puppy dogs poor little butts!
Look at them Dog Kickers, Ain't they Cute?
Some use a shower shoe, Some use a boot.
Them dad gum Dog Kickers, Ain't they mean,
Run around kickin ever dog what's seen.
How to be a Dog Kickers? Don't need a ticket;
Find an old dog, haul off and kick it!
Them Tummy Gummers
How about Them Tummy Gummers ain't they dummies?
Havin' they fun a gummun' they tummies.
Gummin them paunches out o' they mind
Runnin' 'round shoutin' "It's tummy gummin' time"
Look at them Them Tummy Gummers lurkin' in the yard,
Waintin' for a jelly belly, catch it off guard.
Them hell-bent Tummy Gummers, ain't they dummix,
Runnin' through the neighborhood gummin' them stomachs.
How to be a Tummy Gummer, no way to shun it,
Grab an abdomen, haul off and gum it.
Them Banjo Pickers
Them Banjo Pickers, mighty funny ways,
Same damn song, three or four days
Them Banjo Pickers, all they know,
Cumberland Gap, and Do-Si-Do,
Them Banjo Pickers, talkin' 'bout strings,
Banjo pegs, other such things!
Them Banjo Pickers, poker-faced mugs,
Never do smile, just play scruggs!
Them Banjo Pickers sure are nice,
Play each song, At least twice,
Them Banjo Pickers never git sick
Pickin' them banjo's Pick, pick, pick!
Them Beaver Cleavers
How about them beaver cleavers, ain't they rank?
Cleavin' them beavers down on the bank.
Cleavin' they heads and cleavin' they spine,
Bonkin' them beavers, ev'ry one they find.
Look at beaver cleavers ain't they a shock?
Some use a ball-peen, some use a rock.
Them ever clever beaver cleavers hidin' in the leaves,
Beaver comes by, he gets a few cleaves.
How to be a beaver cleaver? Ain't much to it;
Just cold-cock a beaver, and I reckon that will do it!
Them Duck Pluckers
How about them Duck Pluckers, Ain't they a shmucks?
Pluckin' them fearthers off 'o them ducks.
Pluckin' them Mallards, pluckin' them Coots,
Pluckin' they duck hairs out by the roots!
Look at them Duck Pluckers, Ain't they theifs?
Some use tweezers, Some use a teeth.
Them feather pluckin' Duck Pluckers, hidin' in the sticks,
Buggin' they plucky ducks, getttin' they kicks.
How to be a Duck Plucker? No way to duck it;
Rustle up a duck or two, boy just pluck it!
Them Doodle Dashers
How about them doodle dashers, ain't they jewls?
Jumpin' out o' bushes, waivin' they tools.
Jumpin' out o' palm trees, jumpin' out o' shrubs,
Leapin' out o' flowerbeds, waivin' they nubs.
Look at them doodle dashers, ain't they queer,
flagin' they tally-wacker, then disappear.
Them ever-lovin' doodle dashers, ain't they pearls,
Waivin' they doodle-knobs, at them girls.
How to be a doodle dasher? Well, you don't need a ticket;
Get your dandy doodle handy, jump from a thicket!
Them Ewe Doers
How about them Ewe Doers, Ain't they news?
Down in the pasture a doin' them Ewes.
Doin' them big sheeps, doin' them little
Doin' them lambs, hi-diddle-diddle!
Look at them Ewe Doers, Ain't they creeps?
High boots on, chasin' them sheeps.
Them hooky dooky Ewe Doers, stompin' through the weeds,
movin' them Ewies, fillin' they needs.
How to be a Ewe Doers? Ain't much to it;
Meet a sweet sheep, Then you do it!
Them Hog Liver likers
How about them hog liver likers, ain't they funny guys?
Eatin' hog liver soup, eatin hog liver pies.
Eatin' them cooked, eatin them raw
Eatin' them hog livers suits they craw.
Look at them hog liver likers, ain't they a disgrace?
Hog liver juice, all over they face.
Them pig lickin, high falutin', big hunk o' French-fried hog liver likers, aint they a sight?
Servin' up a hog liver, gonna get liked.
How to be a hog liver liker, Don't try to Psych-it,
Eat yourself a hog liver and see if you like it.
Them Moose goosers
How about them Moose goosers, Ain't they cluse?
Up in them boondocks, goosin' them moose
Goosin' them huge moose, goosin' them tiny,
Goosin them medlin' moose in they hinny!
Look at them Moose goosers, Ain't they dumb?
Some use an umbrella, some use they thumb.
Them obtuse Moose goosers, sneakin' through the woods,
pokin' they snoozey moose in they goods,
How to be a Moose gooser? It'll turn you puce;
Get your gooser loose, and rouse a drowsy moose!
Them Sticker Gitters
How about them Sticker Gitters, Ain't they neat?
Gittin' them stickers in they feet.
Gittin' them goat-heads, Gittin' them briars,
Pickin' them out with sticker pickin' pliers!
Look at them Sticker Gitters, Cain't they cuss!
Soons git a sticker, Raise a mighty huge fuss.
Them tender footed Sticker Gitters, how the squeal!
Stickers in they toes, stickers in they heels.
How to be a Sticker Gitter? Don't need a ticket;
Stick a foot 'n the weeds, let the stickers git it!
Them Surf Surfs
How about them Surf Surfs, Ain't they dillies?
Bobbin' on the water, like frogs on lilies.
Ridin' them waves, racin' them winds,
Wipin' them outs, Hangin' they tens.
Look at them Surf Surfs, Ain't they fair?
Sun burnt bodies, bright yeller hair.
Them Sun-touched Surf Surfs, Out o' they gourd,
Down on the coastline, floatin' on a board.
How to be a Surf Surf? If you think it's worth it;
Select a swirly surf, board a board and surf it!
Them Toad Suckers
How about them Toad Suckers, Ain't they clods?
Sittin' there suckin' them green taody frogs.
Suckin' them hopper toads, suckin' them chunckers,
Suckin' them leapy types, suckin' them plunkers.
Look at them Toad Suckers, Ain't they snappy?
Suckin' them bog Frogs, sure makes them happy.
Them hugger mugger Toad Suckers, way down south,
Stickin' they sucky toads, in they mouth.
How to be a Toad Sucker? No way to duck it;
getcha self a toad, rare back and suck it!
Them Whisker Flickers
How about them Whisker Flickers, Ain't they wierd?
Sittin' there thinkin' and flickin' they beard.
Flickin' they goatee, flickin' they muff,
Flickin' it gently, flickin' it ruff.
Look at them Whisker Flickers, Ain't they a twist?
Some use they finger, some use they fist.
Them itchy faced Whisker Flickers, don't cause trouble,
Sittin' there pensively, flickin' that stubble.
How to be a Whisker Flicker? Don't need a ticket;
getcha face fuzzy, sit and think and flick it!
Them Yodel Yellers
How about them Yodel Yellers, cain't they pierce?
Up in them mountains, hollerin' so fierce.
Souotin' them hoo-haws, screamin' them yays,
Singin' them yodel-ate-si-yays.
Look at them Yodel Yellers, Ain't they vogue
Hittin' them high notes, yellin' that yo.
Them golden throated Yodel Yellers, Ain't they a crowd,
Rollin' that yodelin', up in them clouds.
How to be a Yodel Yellers? Here's the sum and total;
Get up on a mountain, yeller off a yodel-hoo! (sliding into falsetto)