The Pot of Coffee at the End of the Rainbow

[sooZen]

Note: some ramblings from my journal Zen Upchuck which I thought I might share. Any comments are welcomed, any critiques are valued:

Where does one start? Starting is always the hardest part of any activity and any activity can seem overwhelming if you can't see the starting point. Trick is, just pick a point, it doesn't really matter which one, just go for it.

I am starting with cleaning off the dining room table where things just naturally gravitate to. Bills and miscellaneous mail, books I am reading, this 'puter, notebooks with pertinent info, receipts that need sorting, beadwork that needs doing, an invitation, calculator...you get the idea what I must deal with. Sometimes I must laugh as I couldn't believe the stuff that my boys' Nana would have piled in that table and here I am, piling stuff in the same place. Perhaps I will not care one day and let it accumulate like she did but for now, it clutters not only space but mind.

A secretary would sure be nice. Someone to keep track of my busy 'need tos' or 'should dos' or 'want tos'. Someone to tell me when the calendar says I have a doctor's appointment or I need to make one, someone to keep track of the numbers that plague me, someone to do the silly bead stuff that takes no creativity but buys the gas or lunch, someone that will fill my every need of the business of organization. I guess I really want an elf or a fairy godmother by the breadth of it. One plus is that all this stuff keeps my mind in high gear, oils the wheels and stimulates which at my advancing age, is a good thing. Cobwebs of the mind take a long time, if ever, to clean out and it is the kind of dust one does not want to accumulate.

I guess all of us would love a plumbers helper, someone to do the dirty deed and smile all the while. A gardener, a maid, a window washer, a bathroom cleaner, a dog poop picker upper, etc. would fit the bill too.

Alas, I am dreaming for I have no such luxury and truth is if my health was tip top, it wouldn't even matter for I have done all those things and willingly. Now it seems as if time has gotten so short, the door to the unknown is waiting and I have a stack, a pile, a dead tree snag of stuff that I will leave undone.

Then there is the matter of priority... One (me) must prioritize all that is really, really important and understand what that is, which my friends, can be tricky. Is star gazing important? Is reading a good book? Is observing the seasons and the denizens of nature important? Is sitting on the deck watching the comings and goings in the yard important?

I know that family and friends are important for without them a lonely place at the table is in the offing. I know that 'checking in' and 'touching base' are important and I try and keep pace. Touch is important for without touch babies wither and die. Flowers wilt without water and water is a analogy for caring. But, what else is of import?

Breathing is certainly important, bodily functions must happen at a regular pace in order to keep this machine ticking and this is also not always easy for we humans tend to ignore what is healthy and pay the price at the toll booth down the road we all hope to travel. Eat and drink as if your life depended on it for most certainly it does.

As I approach the door to the unknown I am not fearful for I know I have lived with all my might, that I have prioritized all the important stuff. A good view is important to me, a laugh with a friend is a thing of beauty, conversation is an art I work at and enjoy, I have read a good book or two and I am surely aware of the nature of things around me. I hope to keep this fragile craft of a body in as good an order as I can knowing that everything breaks down and returns to its original form. For what are we but universal dust so get yer 'imports' straight as you never will know what the future holds and your pasts should only be a lesson in steering this ship of your state.

Now, I need to go and finish this fine cup of kewl rig joe and watch the sun come up and dream of secretaries and elves and fairies and stuff. I hope you all have a productive or restful day.

[mtmynd]

right on. when you write, you're right and when you're right, you write and both these things are the rites of a writer. write on.

[Artguy]

Sounds like time for a honey do list...Sounds like my dining room table.

[sooZen]

Write? Right! Thank you "Killer"

and thank you Artist Guy, BTW, love the new stuff, the prairie silo is strong and energetic.

and Honey do's are my specialty, I am a great list-maker.

[zero_hero]

keep track of the numbers that plague

Nice write sister sooze

Going to print it out and take it with me when i go stressfully into my stress test. I do my best reading in hospital waiting rooms, as I sit and meditate on stained beige carpeting examing every woof and weave seeing the shinning
the glitter
what is on my fork

thinking of Robert R. Ellsion today
Wondering if I spelled his name right

[sooZen]

Exactly write (right), the name of my Dad is correctomundo.

Hope all went well at the doc's office, as well as can be expected that is.

If you haven't already seen it, I posted pics of our outing to Ft. Bliss National Cemetery (unless MT has posted them here somewheres, don't know) on Monday on my journal site (link below.)

I can really chatter on there and at least no one can stop me. Decided I should carry a roll of duct tape when I am around people because I (and Nate) have hoof into mouth dis-ease. We say what we think and think what we say... O well, 'tis what it 'tis or sumpin'. I need that duct tape across the kisser sometimes but that is the danger and delight of SooZ.

[stilltrucking]

I did not go. I whimped out.

I need that roll of duct tape for my diet.

Trying to decide if I should change doctors. I don't know what to make of this cardiologist my PA referred me to. I checked him out on the internet and he really is into self promotion. Lots of radio interviews and TV spots. He has two books out one warning about the danger of socialism to our health care system. Above his one story office building is a huge billboard advertising sign with his name and stuff on it.

He give me about two minutes just light and breezy left me feeling queasy. My brother a retired flight surgeon gave me the details on the stress test. Sounds like they pretty much try to give you a heart attack, "see what else this old heart can take" (seems like I always got song lyrics running through my head)

I think I would like to try another doctor. My brother says that if I am going to have a heart attack the best place would be in a doctors office.

thanks for the chat
sincerely
jt

[sooZen]

I did not go. I whimped out.

I need that roll of duct tape for my diet.

Trying to decide if I should change doctors. I don't know what to make of this cardiologist my PA referred me to. I checked him out on the internet and he really is into self promotion. Lots of radio interviews and TV spots. He has two books out one warning about the danger of socialism to our health care system. Above his one story office building is a huge billboard advertising sign with his name and stuff on it.

Seems to me (and I have found) that it really doesn't matter how much you eat (as long as you try to eat healthy as much as possible) as long as you get moving. Walking or swimming or sumpin' and that takes care of the munchies. And drinking lots of H20 will fill a lot of holes...

As to that doctor you mentioned. Don't get a good feeling from your description, not at 'tall. Doctors don't have M Deity after their names and are just as human as the rest of us. They sometimes try to hoodwink a patient into thinking they are omnipotent but I KNOW they are not. Nathan has taught me a lot about the profession as well as some of the great nurses he and I have had. So my humble advice would be to follow yer instinct and find someone(s) that you feel you can trust and that will LISTEN to you and not just bluster on about this or that or lightly pass over yer concerns...

[SadLuckDame]

Sounds like they pretty much try to give you a heart attack, "see what else this old heart can take" (seems like I always got song lyrics running through my head)

Two days, and I'm a worrying type, which nobody likes to know about, anyway,
is the procedure necessity or not?

Do you have to do this? that's what I want to know.

I'm not big on dr.s myself, and prolly if I get cancer or something serious, I'll refuse treatment. I spent too much life in metal hospital beds, early on and air tents. I still get the heebie geebies over those memories.

Change dr.s till you find the right gut feeling, I'd suggest.
But, be easy and let us know.

[stilltrucking]

Ten four on eating right and the gut feeling. I am limited in my choice of doctors. But fortunately I have a sibling who is a physician of the old school of arts and sciences. Medicine as an art and a science. I am relieved he will be baby sitting me. I kind of dreaded the thought of falling out and waking up with my chest split open and someone doing a quadruple on me.
Sorry I got sick sense of humor and that ain't even funny to me.

Dame I am doing my best to stick around till you say good bye to me. I only don't have to do it if I want to die at the tender age of 69 and leave a beautiful corpse.

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