Mouth to Mouth Resuscitation
Posted: July 3rd, 2011, 7:56 am
Communication with another can be a very tricky thing and there is plenty of room for misunderstandings. If you approach a conversation or repartee with another without really listening for their intent it is especially easy to get confused or misunderstand what is being said or written. Actually, I get confused all the time in communicating with others because I take most of what is being said literally and not figuratively.
One can "read into" what another says or is trying to say quite easily and it can lead to a confrontation or argument. And instead of clearing things up (which is usually my particular intent) that someone can react defensively and things just get cloudier and those misunderstandings can snowball until there is no consensus ever reached and a breakdown of relationships, friendships or a long love drives right out the door. All because of communications of lack thereof. I mean, trying to talk or write to someone personally about what it is you are trying to say or I am trying to convey can lead to a complete meltdown of the lines of communications.
And why does this happen? Well, our individuality plays a part, I think, but we are a communication animal, we all try to get our perspective across and want to be understood through our writings; our letters, poems, songs, for example or just sitting across from each other and talking. If my head is full of my opinions and I don't leave room for others to express theirs, I am not communicating effectively.
If someone does not appreciate your opinions or want to hear, really listen, to what you say, you are talking to a wall. (For someone that is literal, I am sure being figurative! heh) Adopting attitudes or letting my emotions get the best of me when someone is speaking makes everything that is said moot or an argument.
Now, I have to admit that I have a kind of addiction to argument. It is like chess or fencing with the sharpest tongue or the quickest wit winning out but is that compassionate or empathetic? No, of course not and like I said, it is an addiction to modes of communication that is not particularly non violent. Communicating with close friends or a mate can degenerate quickly if you play these kind of games and they don't realize that you are playing. Because communicating or verbal intercourse is our human connection and if I play those games, liking argument as much as I do, there are bound to be consequences (some good, some not so good.)
It is okay for me to be witty or even play games with words but not at the expense of another. And yet, it is habitual with me and has to be controlled or watched. I mean, don't all of us, to some degree or another, like to have the last word, to have the profound, all encompassing answer to a question or statement? An ego trip for sure, when you play those games, and leaves no room for real understanding for one gets too busy puffing themselves up and forgets what it is that the other person wants to impart.
Haven't we all been around people that all they want to do is lecture you because they are always think they are right? Or how about a person that just saps your energy with their needy attitudes? Or someone that loves to expound and extol their virtues without ever listening to what you have to say? That is why I limit my proximity to some people, self preservation basically. And I try to understand what it is that those I am in proximity to or express myself to have to say and want to get across when they communicate back at me. And ultimately, be aware of my own proclivities in communicating and knowing that I like to argue for the sake of argument and try and stop myself from playing those games. Listening is more important than saying anything at all if you want to perfect the art of communication.
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing, and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there."
~Rumi
"When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen."
~ Ernest Hemingway
"The best communicator is the one who does the most powerful listening and the one who doesn't react emotionally."
~ Ken Donaldson
One can "read into" what another says or is trying to say quite easily and it can lead to a confrontation or argument. And instead of clearing things up (which is usually my particular intent) that someone can react defensively and things just get cloudier and those misunderstandings can snowball until there is no consensus ever reached and a breakdown of relationships, friendships or a long love drives right out the door. All because of communications of lack thereof. I mean, trying to talk or write to someone personally about what it is you are trying to say or I am trying to convey can lead to a complete meltdown of the lines of communications.
And why does this happen? Well, our individuality plays a part, I think, but we are a communication animal, we all try to get our perspective across and want to be understood through our writings; our letters, poems, songs, for example or just sitting across from each other and talking. If my head is full of my opinions and I don't leave room for others to express theirs, I am not communicating effectively.
If someone does not appreciate your opinions or want to hear, really listen, to what you say, you are talking to a wall. (For someone that is literal, I am sure being figurative! heh) Adopting attitudes or letting my emotions get the best of me when someone is speaking makes everything that is said moot or an argument.
Now, I have to admit that I have a kind of addiction to argument. It is like chess or fencing with the sharpest tongue or the quickest wit winning out but is that compassionate or empathetic? No, of course not and like I said, it is an addiction to modes of communication that is not particularly non violent. Communicating with close friends or a mate can degenerate quickly if you play these kind of games and they don't realize that you are playing. Because communicating or verbal intercourse is our human connection and if I play those games, liking argument as much as I do, there are bound to be consequences (some good, some not so good.)
It is okay for me to be witty or even play games with words but not at the expense of another. And yet, it is habitual with me and has to be controlled or watched. I mean, don't all of us, to some degree or another, like to have the last word, to have the profound, all encompassing answer to a question or statement? An ego trip for sure, when you play those games, and leaves no room for real understanding for one gets too busy puffing themselves up and forgets what it is that the other person wants to impart.
Haven't we all been around people that all they want to do is lecture you because they are always think they are right? Or how about a person that just saps your energy with their needy attitudes? Or someone that loves to expound and extol their virtues without ever listening to what you have to say? That is why I limit my proximity to some people, self preservation basically. And I try to understand what it is that those I am in proximity to or express myself to have to say and want to get across when they communicate back at me. And ultimately, be aware of my own proclivities in communicating and knowing that I like to argue for the sake of argument and try and stop myself from playing those games. Listening is more important than saying anything at all if you want to perfect the art of communication.
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing, and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there."
~Rumi
"When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen."
~ Ernest Hemingway
"The best communicator is the one who does the most powerful listening and the one who doesn't react emotionally."
~ Ken Donaldson