pot is not

[jimboloco]

started a 12 step program
group
stopped the pot
done
a pot head addict
an ounce up in smoke every 2 weeks
done!

let the games begin

zen and recovery

[jimboloco]

not so exciting
not so kool
i wanna smoke
an i can't do it
no is stronger than yes
kookoo is better than kaakaa

[jimboloco]

mercy talk about synchronicity

i had to get rid of the rest of my pot, so i threw it onto the christnmas tree still standing out in the backyard, hospice home for bugs, butterflies, lizards, the base with rainwater for the possums also. i had a couple of free hours saturday and went to the tree and lo and behold, i found enough little buds to make a joint, rolled it and smoked again in my backyard, plus downed a schmirnoff malt liquor. my wife came back. i was stoned and feeling slaqphappy, which pissed her off to no end. i told her where i found the bit of pot. she told me to throw out the xmas tree, so i towed it into the alleyway, threw an old xmas tree rope around it.

i was thinking, wow, i messed up her xmas three years ago, drunk with her son and son-in-law, and now i was stoned the day before easter. i slept in the back room. gave thanks for redemption. so jesus died for my sins, so they say. well anyhow, i prsyed to the old dried up xmas tree in the back alley, asked to have my sins removed and be cleansed.

my wife dosen't like me when i am stoned. she wants me straight.
not so easy. so i am now doing what i have to do to make the change.

going to a narcotics anonymouse meetiong at noon on tuesday.

i wanna smoke. pot is not.

[jimboloco]

one toke over the line
did not stop in time
now i am out
nothing to complain about

[stilltrucking]

good wishes jim
I wish I could say something to help

going back thirty seven years
to a book called Be Here Now

I used to read a lot when I was tripping
all my friends saw mystic visions

But I did not hallucinate much
I am not that visual I guess

But the print on the page did crawl around a bit
the letters turning into thick black worms

sometimes almost looking like Hebrew.

This one bit in that book I read over and over again. Hoping to find the secrete of giving it all up and having it all.

I wish I would scan this page because the art work is very nice in the back ground.

....You've really been working on yourself and you're very pure and something very high happens to you; you feel liberated then your ego walks around and pats you on the shoulder
"Pretty good look how holy you're becoming and you fall

That's one of the traps
in fact the higher you get
the harder you fall
each time
it's those fierce lions guarding the inner
GATES
aLL THIS STUFF HAPPENS
When YOU ARE EXTRICATING
YOURSELF FROM THIS WEB of
Desire which is your Framework of the Universe
It's all the same thing
And this extrication
Believe Me Doesn't happen
without an internal struggle
This is called tapas

Tapasia
Straightening by Fire

If a man gives way to all his desires.
or panders to them, there will No
inner struggle, in him, no Friction
No fire, But if for the sake of attaining
A definite aim he struggles with the
Desires that hinder him---He will
Then Create A Fire Which Will Gradually
Transform His Inner World Into A single
Whole

I hope it does you some good.
More good then it has done me
After all these years I still pander.

[jimboloco]

yes thanks that is right on the mark

i dug out more buds from the backyard yesterday
even as little plants are sprouting up
even so

i do have that book man
be here now

got a used copy several years ago
thought about giving it to my sister
but i need it more that she does

can you give me the page number?

i am buying aother printer
this one with the scanner
and i will scan that page

bought a replacement puter recently with a new program vista
nice but the old lexmark does not copy onto it.

good advice

if i was a bachelor i wouldn't have access to pot probably
althoif i do smoke it
i will be a bachelor before too long

it's my karma

my wiife wants a reasonably tight ship

i know she is right
she doesnot like to be with me when i am stoned

very nice reference
i duly appreciate it

good thing we live far apart
i would be over bumming off of you

[stilltrucking]

brown pages 39 and 40

I have never been married

I can not speak to that.

[Barry]

I thought I'd never quit smoking pot, but I did about a year and a half, two years ago. I just found myself smoking less and less, both quantity and frequency, and some days I'd be getting into bed and realize I hadn't smoked any at all, when it was there in the bag all the time. I was out of work, so I decided it would open up whole new avenues of employment to be able to pass a drug test with certainty, and I quit. It was easy. Then I got employed with a place where they would never dream of testing. The boss smoked. So I started again. Still, there are days when I don't smoke at all. Today being one of them, so far. It's nice for that spell to be broken. I don't have to. But I can if I want to.

Peace,
Barry

[stilltrucking]

Something been on the back of my mind since you started this thread jimbo. Barry just brought it into focus.

Work.

[jimboloco]

Something been on the back of my mind since you started this thread jimbo. Barry just brought it into focus.

Work. In all these threads you never mentioned work. I imagine, but I could be wrong, that you have a J.O.B. that probably calls for random piss tests. You are afraid of losing your marriage, but do you ever think about work?

I been lucky with pot, booze too. I enjoy it but I can take it or leave it. I have gone months without smoking and it seems the less I smoke the more I enjoy it.

When I first started driving I used to steer with my elbows while rolling a J. After a while I realized that #2 diesel was my #1 drug. I love to drive. I would save the pot for my time off. I would stay out for months at a time running the road and accumulating off time, at least seven or eight days, I would get one day for each week I stayed out. Then I would come home and smoke and enjoy it. I would give myself five days to get it out of my system. I have taken so many random whiz quizzes I could paper a wall with the green sheets of paper I would get from the D.O.T. Never failed one. Besides that the less I smoked the more I enjoyed it.

And driving was its own high, hard to run hard after smoking pot. Oh the first day out it was good, but then after that I would crash out. I had to keep smoking more and more to stay up. But with diminishing returns.
But if I was not smoking pot all the time I had more stamina for the long haul. A thousand miles a day, I could lay down and sleep fast and get up and do it again. But not if I was smoking all the time.

good luck
and best wishes amigo

[jimboloco]

baryry ya gots me a goin back n forth
like groucho marx with a cigar
i went out to my backyard corner
where the leaves had been cleared away
for the buds that i had gleaned before
so i was thinking where could i find another bud?
and swept away some leaves
and there was a big one
and i rollerd it and smoked it
this morning and at high noon

[jimboloco]

wekk i told the 12 step lady
i didnotwanto detract from her program
today i had to glean what ever crombs i could from the floor of my shed from where i had my stash and had spilled some
plus my car found a small bud plus some thctarred paper
and smoked it up

now i am most definately out
i am driving by the dude

[jimboloco]

just back from our spring annual vacation
the bestone ever
she went to the store
i went tothe shed
found my lost stash
helleluja
ahem
and so i rolled up one and smoked it
meanwhile susan was at the publix
she called up once
asked for an inventory
angel food cake and brownies
and so i told her
then she came home later
i washed off my face and hands
the light was dim
my manners were fine
she blurts out,
"you've been smoking something!"
"oh don't go there,"
i said
she had a rant
against which i had prayed a moment before
"oh holy one, please protect me from her rage," i had prayed
so i got just what the holy one knew i needed
and i have to go with that

she told me to get out of the kitchen
that she would unload the groceries
i was just acting naturally unloading the groceries
she took off

mercy
i left her a message about how
i would like her to tell me exactly whhat it is
about my behavior that makes her so mad
and said i would bless her faith
because i bless my faith in this
unfolding

that's all i can do
i got a green party lawyer
i just sent him an email
i will call him tomorrow
i seen him in action
defending a veteran iraq war protestor
at a federal court in tampa
the lady judge took over the case
really against the v a cops
and dismissed the case
anyhow just in case but
i believe that she will talk with her daughter
who is married to my son-out-law
who also smokes pot
and she knows it
and she loves him anyway
so it's the crucible
my goodness!
i think
anywho
i never wanted to a big star
i just wanna act naturally

so what is it about me that is so bad
really

it will be so sad if this goes thru
i just need to go on faith

[Doreen Peri]

I stop by and enjoy this thread from time to time.... for a year ... Not gonna smoke any more.... just lit one up.... gotta stop ... just smoked a joint.... better stop doing this .... just had a hit.

LOL!

it's a fun thread!

[jimboloco]

well nice
i don't mean for this to be a journal
it's an opportunity to see this unfolding
my wife has left
and you bring me some cheer
there's nothing irrational about my behavior
i am just calmed, relaxed, and happy

just when i hit my stride
i just don't know
i have put so much into this relationship
but she wants me straight
so despite my overall excalibur behavior
my marijuana smoking cuts across everything

i can just watch this unfold
just staying at home
being peaceful
no worries
just tears
and sighs