pot is not

[stilltrucking]

We all got our tales to tell
Over and over
till we get our stories straight
I mentioned way back
my paranoia about even talking about this shit in public with you.

I am a maraholic
If I got any I have to smoke all of it as quick as I can.

what it should say on the RX for me
is
"Use as needed"

I go weeks without it.
and one morining I wake up with a bad head and decide I need to get stoned again.

So I know where to find it
and I go smoke some

but if i kept it around I would be into it all the time.

I have a compulsive personality the draft board told me
when I was sleeping with that shot gun under my chin
but I told you that tale before too

[gypsyjoker]

Been two weeks now and I have been thinking about it. I could have last week it was sitting right in front of me but I was so depressed by the heat and the situation with my motorcycle I did not feel like getting that euphoric. Besides she needs it more than me. I have been wondering why any one would choose to be a Jew or a woman.

I been thinking about a book I got for my birthday called Blue Highways. By William Least Heat Moon. A good read for me. I liked the bit about "beware of thoughts that come in the night..." I forgot the rest.

I get up in the middle of the night to obscuricate and the computer is on so I throw caution to the wind. Why gypsyjoker? I don't know jimbo.
Smoke um if you gotum

[still.trucking]

I sent you a PM in reply to the one you sent me last May titled *

I hate it when people don't reply to my private messages. That is why I rarely send private messages.

Well it is the middle of the day and I been at it since midnight.

My night time thoughts keeping coming all day.

I can't relate to what is happening to you and right livlihood. I am not sure I can even spell livelihood. I am retired, working part time. Good old FDR taking care of me. So easy for me to give advice. Nothing carved in stone with Social Security but you getting close to where you can take the money and run. Do what you got to do jim, the trashy truckers would say.

Here is the PM I sent you
I hope I have not hurt your sensitive little feelings my taking so long to reply to you. (more sarcasm , if I used a could you let let it slide?)

Cshristz I hates private messages. You always wind up posting them in publick anyway.




What the hell is this a beer commercial?

All I can do is sarcasm jim.

Sorry to take so long getting back on this one.

Since may is pretty pathetic.

[still.trucking]

Smoked a doobie yeserday
Looking back over at what I wrote under the influence

[tarbaby]

Smoked another one yesterday I still got the roach. Got to work at the Rosewater Foundation today. I find that I don't want to do it when I am stoned. Just seems like too much hassle. I have noticed I say "just" a lot these days.

Just 19.95 in two easy payments plus 9.95 shipping and handling will get you a beautiful prayer cross with the lord's prayer inside. When in times of trouble just hold it up to the light and you can see the Lord's prayer inside.
A comfort well worth fifty bucks.

Right livlihood, I still have not figured out how to do that.
You on the other hand are doing good
except you seem to be hassled by the pot
I don't understand
why


I tell myself how the hell do I know maybe that prayer cross works
Just as good as the Wild party girls DVD that is just 19.95 plus shipping and handling.

I complemented you on your art work once and you said it ain't work it is play. Maybe so.

I ran into a Terrence McKenna quote On WIreman's song

"If the artist cannot find the way then the way cannot be found"

Check out wireman's song, I think you will like it.

It is called waiting at the gate

While I was Googling Terrence Mckenna I found this bit

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-nBfNJCQOUs&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-nBfNJCQOUs&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

That is just Terrence McKenna opinion for what it is worth
I read that pot is a health hazard too

I reminded of a guote by Mae West

"Skepticism is the chastity of the intellect"

Not really... it was George Santayana who said that but it sounds like something Mae West might have said.

"Perhaps the only true dignity of man is his capacity to despise himself"
That is Santayana too.

[jimboloco]

i got rid of that kind of dignity
self immolationflagellationcontrol
forgetaboutit

really, man, i's becoming

still smoking 3 to 4 j's a day
working on other things
went to drawing group
open and easy old faces still drawing
felt so high when it was over
i got to go back

renewed visit to tai chi
it is just so profound
went stoned

went to zen group sunday morning straight
could not stay awake
next time i will get the kyusaku stick

i love it, man
an ounce every two weeks
120 $$$

not guilty yes
my wife still loves me

went thru 2 weeks of depression
upped my anti-depressant
still smoking

commence tai chi, man

[jimboloco]

oh man, now the 20th, almost the equinox
all over
i am weaning off the stuff
it is impairing me into a shadow stoner
so
bought some prime hydro
pure thc i guess
but the smoke also leaves a heavy residual fatigue
when the high wears off
just without the smoker's cough
three hits or five is enuf
almost out and broke
will try again to break the habit soon enough
and will pursue this relentlessly
until i do

i wanna take a long break, say, three months,
three years, three decades, three lifetimes
an that will change my relationship to th weed

i dropped th art class on satudays
an went to tai chi marvelous body mind
with th possibility of a lifetime practice
augmented by the zen group
wow i have two extroadinary groups
just now becoming properly established
th zendo took over th parsonage at th uu church in clearwater
th taoist tai chi society bought the building they were leasing part of
community at last th hope for ongoing character development
and survival!!!

commence tai chi
grasp tiger's tail
feel th emphyzema just below the surface waiting to make th scene
bows to pot is not
for potheads like me
so i gotta practice the 108 moves 108 times
this year
and complain about my head no more

[jimboloco]

ahhhhhhh at longgggg laaaaaaaaaassssssssssssst
maxwell's silver hammer came down on my stoner's head
bangg bangg

yesturdday the world equinox
9/21/09
yay
wearried all the long long day
in the jewelll mynezz
smoked yup before in th early morn
tasted th wakeup buzzzz
felt th day drag long
ggggggggggg
mentored, training my young lady replacement
th next generation
thought about my lawyer friend
for a feeeee
he'll get me outa jail an make a reeferral
forgetaboutitititit
finnisshed in a flurry of productive energy
old man came in dehydrated, weak, blood clot in his leg,
deaf, confused, way weary
labs, iv fluids, condom cath, helped by
frau jutta the nursing calvary
she did the cyberpaperwork
scooped him up
shipped him down to the fiberoptical genius
to scope him out with a fitted clot catching mitt
his son grateful i left to smoke in my car over long bridge
the usual routine tweek my brain into doldrum sighs
and coughs

came home a bit late
pondered in my front yard, early eveningggggg
dark again
so stoned from smoking up my last hydro buds in my little pipe
which i threw up on the roof with my last little lighter
never felt higher

went inside tried to make a conversation with my wife
i watched myself ramble too smoothe
told her it was the turning point

showered annd went to bed, dead

am i in the grotto
first day of autumn
i don't miss it
my lungs are weary
i had a sore throat
took advil
runny nose sudafed
laid on the recliner for hours
watching msnbc and
taped obama on lettermon
dosing for hours
mid afternoon roused
strawberry fields forever
straight oh my gawd!

ha ha haa
i did it
i am doing it

on with the show

[judih]

this is it

[jimboloco]

thanks yes this IS it
the turning point
that point where intention meets craving
and intent does not succumb
i know it is happening now
my head feels so good
an my lungs are sighing sweet relief
now a returning into life
and into clarity
unbelieveable
i's justta pothead
outa weed an outabreath almost
just in time oh my
give me six months to breathe until thnext world equinox
an i will reflect on how things are changing for me
better energy too finally an emergence
at 62 healing growing getting a practice
starting with th breath
an tiger's mouth
an th bubbling spring
inside the heart center
up from the feet
pressure points of balance and empowerment
for goodness and generativity
at work in the world
hope creates from wreckage gardens of intent
and tenthousand heartbeats singing
praises to this life

[stilltrucking]

way to go jim

[jimboloco]

got to fulfill de book

[jimboloco]

i fought the weed an th weed won!
now susie knows my worth an th road i'm on
the holy ganja is indeed a holy weed
puts fire in my belly helps me in my need

now she would say in th past
i am an addict and a user with no class
but hey i've had a breakthrough just recently
i feel the power of the open sky
we be here for a reason to fulfill th book
by keepin that arrow slung an pointin onward
as johnnybegood travels thru th universe
we homosapiens must civilize ourself

oh the holy ganja is indeed a holy weed
puts fire in my belly helps me in my need
but hey i've had a breakthrough just recently
i feel the power of the open sky

there is a deep abyss of being where the spirit lives
who started the causal bang and even before to bring us this
unfolding of perception through ages of no mercy for the meek
until god's love through us all implements that thrust.

[jimboloco]

• pot is
  what it
  is

[stilltrucking]

Interesting show on PBS last night
The Botany of Desire.
About four plants, apples, tulips, pot, and potatos

Memory is important, so is forgeting.
They had this guy on the show
Raphael Mechoulam

David Pate: Can you describe anandamide, its possible function in the brain and where its discovery leads us?
Raphael Mechoulam: It has been known since 1988 that THC acts on a specific receptor in the brain. This specific receptor obviously was not built by the brain just for the sake of tetrahydrocannabinol - a compound present in a plant - which is of course foreign to the receptor. Presumably the receptor is present because it has a function, which has nothing to do with a plant constituent. We considered that possibly this particular receptor is activated by a compound found in the brain itself. We succeeded 2 years ago to identify such a compound in pig brain. We called it anandamide. It binds to this cannabinoid receptor. Anandamide differs completely from THC in its structure. THC is an aromatic compound, while anandamide is a fatty acid derivative. It also has a nitrogen atom in it, which is rather unusual for fatty acid derivatives.
DP: Any speculation as to why it is there, what it actually does, both the receptor and its ligand?
RM: We know that the cannabinoid receptor system is involved in sedation; at high doses THC can even cause catalepsy in animals. In humans we know that Cannabis has a lot of effects which together cause the well known "high". These also include memory effects and some effects on movement. Most of the effects caused by THC are also seen with anandamide in animals. Anandamide has not yet been given to humans but judging from the animal effects these two compounds seem to parallel each other in activity. Whatever THC does, anandamide does as well.
DP: What is the role of anandamides in the brain?
RM: Anandamides and the receptor are found in areas of the brain which have to do with the coordination of movement, with memory and with emotions. We assume that the brain has anandamides and the receptors to participate in the regulation of movement and to participate in memory and emotions. But there is no proof that this is indeed the case, it is a circumstantial evidence.
http://www.druglibrary.org/olsen/hemp/IHA/iha01113.html