UPS flight gripe sheets

[Non Sum]

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet, ” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[stilltrucking]

I liked those a lot.
Thanks for posting them.

[Non Sum]

Thanks for your response.
With humor, you never know if you're laughing alone.

[stilltrucking]

In all those discussions of what makes us human, laughter is always on the list.

It is good medicine, I do believe. A friend who is a psychiatrist once told me I got a sick sense of humor. But it has got me out of some dangerous situations. But it can cut both ways.

Reminds me of that Johnny Cash?Guy Clark song The Ballad of the Old Gunfigher
"when lives were lost at the turn of a joke."

[stilltrucking]

Sorry I got those lyrics wrong
an ironic little ballad I thought.

A Guy Clark song covered by Johnny Cash
I like Guy Clarks version a little baetter
you hear it here if you want to.

The Last Gunfighter Ballad by Guy Clark Play song from iLike.com
Live From Austin, TX - 2007 - 2:50
Listen on: iLike - Rhapsody - Pandora

The old gunfighter on the porch
stared into the sun
and relived the days of living by the gun
when deadly games of pride were played
and living was mistakes not made

and the thought of the smell of the black powder smoke
and the stand in the street at the turn of a joke
Ah, the smell of the black powder smoke
and the stand in the street at the turn of a joke

It's always keep your back to the sun
and he can almost feel the weight of the gun
it's faster than snakes or the blink of an eye
and it's a time for all slow men to die
and his eyes get squinty and his fingers twitch
and he empties the gun at the son of a bitch

and he's hit by the smell of the black powder smoke
and the stand in the street at the turn of a joke
hit by the smell of the black powder smoke
and the stand in the street at the turn of a joke

Now the burn of a bullet is only a scar
he's back in his chair in front of the bar
and the streets are empty and the blood's all dried
and the dead are dust and the whiskey's inside
so buy him a drink and lend him an ear
he's nobody's fool and the only one here

who remembers the smell of the black powder smoke
and the stand in the street at the turn of a joke
remember the smell of the black powder smoke
and the stand in the street at the turn of a joke

He said I stood in that street before it was paved
learned shoot or be shot before I could shave
and I did it all for the money and fame
noble was nothing but feeling no shame
and nothing was sacred but stayin' alive
and all that I learned from a Colt 45

was to curse the smell of the black powder smoke
and the stand in the street at the turn of a joke
curse the smell of the black powder smoke
and the stand in the street at the turn of a joke

Now he's just an old man that no one believes
says he's a gunfighter, the last of the breed
and there are ghosts in the street seeking revenge
calling him out to the lunatic fringe
now he's out in the traffic checking the sun
and he's killed by a car as he goes for his gun

So much for the smell of the black powder smoke
and the stand in the street at the turn of a joke
so much for the smell of the black powder smoke
and the stand in the street at the turn of a joke

[Doreen Peri]

Thanks for your response.
With humor, you never know if you're laughing alone.

Umm... well.. yeah you do. You can hear laughter! heh

Then again, maybe you're talking about the internet? I guess you don't know if you can't hear someone laugh. But... that's why god made emoticons! LOL! (that was me laughing... laughing out loud)



................

Some of these were a riot! I was definitely laughing wit ya!

BUT, it's also sorta scary, isn't it? I mean these mechanics are working on the planes we fly in!

...........

PS - off topic ... but just pointing out the cool quote feature we have here.... I noticed you like to quote people, and then answer a particular portion of what they said. You might consider trying this feature rather than just using their initials. Just an idea. Makes it easy to read. To use it, just select the text and push the quote button and it will create the code for you.

Or... type by hand
[ quote ] words you are quoting [/ quote ]
(but without the spaces)

[Non Sum]

Hi Doreen,
D: Just an idea.

NS: Much appreciated! Thank you, for not being an autocrat.
I was thrown off a site, not too long ago, because the quote mode was a direct order 'or else.' I took the 'else.'

My method is much faster to create, and easier to read in contextual flow, imo.
A: Not to me it doesn't.

B: To me it does. Works for written plays, and dialogue, for centuries without a hitch.

A: But, this is the internet.

B: So what?

A: I don't like it. It confuses me. Big clunky boxes are better.

B: Then don't read me. Hell, I never do.

Thanks for sharing the lyrics, ST. Totally new to me. Has dueling with cars replaced pistols?

[mtmynd]

This is a test: testing 1-2-3...testing 1-2-3

Hi Doreen,
D: Just an idea.

NS: Much appreciated! Thank you, for not being an autocrat.
I was thrown off a site, not too long ago, because the quote mode was a direct order 'or else.' I took the 'else.'

My method is much faster to create, and easier to read in contextual flow, imo.
A: Not to me it doesn't.

B: To me it does. Works for written plays, and dialogue, for centuries without a hitch.

A: But, this is the internet.

B: So what?

A: I don't like it. It confuses me. Big clunky boxes are better.

B: Then don't read me. Hell, I never do.

Thanks for sharing the lyrics, ST. Totally new to me. Has dueling with cars replaced pistols?

yup. this quote thing seems to work. i've only been around here for over 5 years and never knew about this feature.

[Non Sum]

This is a test: testing 1-2-3...testing 1-2-3

Hi Doreen,
D: Just an idea.

NS: Much appreciated! Thank you, for not being an autocrat.
I was thrown off a site, not too long ago, because the quote mode was a direct order 'or else.' I took the 'else.'

My method is much faster to create, and easier to read in contextual flow, imo.
A: Not to me it doesn't.

B: To me it does. Works for written plays, and dialogue, for centuries without a hitch.

A: But, this is the internet.

B: So what?

A: I don't like it. It confuses me. Big clunky boxes are better.

B: Then don't read me. Hell, I never do.

Thanks for sharing the lyrics, ST. Totally new to me. Has dueling with cars replaced pistols?

yup. this quote thing seems to work. i've only been around here for over 5 years and never knew about this feature.

Yup, it does work.
But, note the repetitive nature of these oversized quote boxes.
Sure, you can slice out bits and pieces, but then it becomes a lot more bother to do so. Ergo, it gets done less often than it should.
If someone likes to compose on 'Word' (tm), it gets worse than awkward.
Believe me, if it were easier plus clearer to use boxes, I'd be the first to box and the last to give it up.

MT: yup. this quote thing seems to work.

NS: Crawling works to get you where you're going too, but why not take the car?

MT: i've only been around here for over 5 years and never knew about this feature.

NS: I've yet to find a forum without this feature, and without the resultant repetitive quotes reminiscent of a row of TV's all tuned to the same station.

You've been here for, "5 years"!! Just goes to show how tolerant Doreen is.

[Non Sum]

Mother Superior was asking all the little girls at the convent what they want to be when they grow up. "And what do you want to be, Anna?" she asks one girl.

"I want to be a prostitute!" the little girl announces.

At this, Mother Superior faints flat out on the floor. After they revive her she says weakly "Anna, what was that you said you wanted to be?"

"A prostitute!" repeats Anna

"Oh, praise the lord for that!" cries Mother Superior "I thought you said a Protestant!"

[Doreen Peri]

I like that much better, myself... because to ME it's easier to read.

That said, of course the format of conversation as with a play which you've been using all along works fine, too. And no, I'd never tell you you HAD to use the quote code. I just think it works very well to make the words of others and your words visually clearer as to who said what. Sorry to hear you had that run-in with the admins on another site.

You can post any way you like here.

If you're quoting an article which is from another site, though, which may be copyrighted, I do ask that you use the quote code to make it clear that you didn't write it.

But for conversational purposes, do whatever you'd like!

[Non Sum]

Doreen: You can post any way you like here.

NS: May all the gods bless you for that. (Though mind you, I am an atheist.)

Doreen: If you're quoting an article which is from another site, though, which may be copyrighted, I do ask that you use the quote code to make it clear that you didn't write it.

NS: Not a problem, since I prefer to post only the best articles; namely, my own.

D: But for conversational purposes, do whatever you'd like!

NS: And, you as well.

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... . Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car ..." (unk)
Gratefully yours,
NS (Nonconforming Stereotype)