Remote War

[Sober Duck]

Remote War
By
Richard Moylan Jr.
It is the year, 2084, and we are few. There are small pockets of us left, hiding and surviving, waiting for the inevitable, waiting for the end or worse, reproductive imprisonment. There may have been a time when a man would dream of such imprisonment but now that it is reality it is a fate worse than death! To be held against one’s will and kept alive for our seed, milked at will as if we were livestock hooked to machines and pumps. It’s ironic that the victor, the conquering foe’s survival, depends on the existence of their defeated. They may not have won the war at all and may have destroyed any chances of survival the human race had, and why? The remote!
It all started harmless enough. One evening a husband and his wife were watching television, the husband who was not enjoying what his wife was watching reached for the remote. In a playful way, his wife lunged forward toward the remote. Not to be out-done, the husband tackled his wife and a small wrestling match began between the couple. After a few minutes, the wife, being tickled almost to death, gave up the remote. Unknowingly, this scenario was being played out through out the world. When manufactures decided to include only one remote with each television, they sealed our fate! Their consumer researchers overlooked the disastrous impact that one remote would have on society!
The competition between man and woman, husband, wife, brother and sister became relentless. Possession of the remote was like being king, in charge, the one with the power. The ruler of audio, visual input! One-hundred and fifty channels and only one in control! As time advanced so did the craving, the want for the remote. It became the center of life for most. Nothing mattered except control of the remote. Unknown to most men, women were uniting, plotting, conspiring to gain complete control of remotes everywhere! Murder and deceit became daily events because of the remote. Marriages were destroyed my the millions, Family structure was wiped off the face of the earth! Man and woman became separate and war broke out between the sexes and woman became the victor!
Throughout time, war has been waged. World wars, war between countries, religious wars, racial wars and civil wars which plot brother against brother but never has a war been waged that separates family like this war. Unlike past world wars, this war did become world wide involving every television owning family. Boundaries, race and religion had no bearing at all. Only our gender made us enemy and foe.