Silver Lining
Posted: June 16th, 2018, 5:26 pm
It seems the Pentagon found itself getting a little top-heavy, so they implemented a program offering cash bonuses to any officer or NCO over the age of 50 who volunteered to retire early. The amount of the bonus would be $1000 for every inch measured between any two points on the candidate's body, points to be chosen by the candidate himself.
On the first day of the program, 3 candidates were waiting in the camp hospital's waiting room: a tall & lanky Major, a short, heaviset Master Sergeant, and a crusty old Colonel. The doctor beckoned for the Major to come into the examination room.
"I want to be measured from the tip of my toes to the top of my head," the Major says.
"Yessir," the Doctor says, and has the Major lay on the table so he can be measured. "Six foot four!" the doctor exclaims. "Seventy-six inches! That's $76,000 on top of your pension!"
The Major smiles, salutes, and strides out.
Next up is the Master Sergeant. He probably doesn't top 5' 5", so extends his arms out to the sides. "Measure me from the tip of my right hand to the tip of my left."
The doctor does so. "Five-foot eight! That's $68,000, Sergeant!"
"Yessir," the Sergeant beams. "Thank you, Captain!" He salutes the doctor and walks out.
Last in is the Colonel. His face is tanned and seamed, his thick white hair is buzz cut, and looks as trim as he was in his 20s. "I'd like to be measured from my balls to the tip of my dick," he declares.
The doctor stares in confusion. "Uh, sir - perhaps you don't understand. You'll be paid $1000 per inch of whatever I measure. Perhaps you'd like me to measure somewhere else?"
But the Colonel says, "You heard me, Captain," and drops his pants.
The doctor shrugs and places the tape measure at the tip of the Colonel's penis. But when he followed it back to its base, he gasped with shock. "Good heavens, Colonel," he says, "Where are your testicles?"
The old Colonel just smiles. "Vietnam," he says.
On the first day of the program, 3 candidates were waiting in the camp hospital's waiting room: a tall & lanky Major, a short, heaviset Master Sergeant, and a crusty old Colonel. The doctor beckoned for the Major to come into the examination room.
"I want to be measured from the tip of my toes to the top of my head," the Major says.
"Yessir," the Doctor says, and has the Major lay on the table so he can be measured. "Six foot four!" the doctor exclaims. "Seventy-six inches! That's $76,000 on top of your pension!"
The Major smiles, salutes, and strides out.
Next up is the Master Sergeant. He probably doesn't top 5' 5", so extends his arms out to the sides. "Measure me from the tip of my right hand to the tip of my left."
The doctor does so. "Five-foot eight! That's $68,000, Sergeant!"
"Yessir," the Sergeant beams. "Thank you, Captain!" He salutes the doctor and walks out.
Last in is the Colonel. His face is tanned and seamed, his thick white hair is buzz cut, and looks as trim as he was in his 20s. "I'd like to be measured from my balls to the tip of my dick," he declares.
The doctor stares in confusion. "Uh, sir - perhaps you don't understand. You'll be paid $1000 per inch of whatever I measure. Perhaps you'd like me to measure somewhere else?"
But the Colonel says, "You heard me, Captain," and drops his pants.
The doctor shrugs and places the tape measure at the tip of the Colonel's penis. But when he followed it back to its base, he gasped with shock. "Good heavens, Colonel," he says, "Where are your testicles?"
The old Colonel just smiles. "Vietnam," he says.