911 to the rescue

Creative complaints & humor.
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sasha
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911 to the rescue

Post by sasha » January 12th, 2019, 3:31 pm

A 911 dispatcher gets a call from a man nearly in hysterics. "It's my friend!" the man shrieks. "We were out hunting when he grabbed his chest and collapsed! He isn't breathing! I think he's dead!"

"Alright, sir," the dispatcher says. "Try and stay calm. Let's make sure he's dead before jumping to any conclusions."

"Okay!" the man says. "Hold on..." There's a pause, then the sound of a rifle shot. Then he comes back on the line. "Okay," he says. "Now what?"
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"Falsehood flies, the Truth comes limping after it." - Jonathan Swift, ca. 1710

saw
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Joined: May 23rd, 2008, 7:32 am
Location: B'more, Maryland

Re: 911 to the rescue

Post by saw » February 9th, 2024, 9:57 am

hysterical... 8)
If you do not change your direction
you may end up where you are heading

winddance
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Re: 911 to the rescue

Post by winddance » March 5th, 2024, 6:22 pm

ouch, funny but then again not
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach 10,000 stars how not to dance.
e e cummings

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sasha
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Re: 911 to the rescue

Post by sasha » March 6th, 2024, 3:20 pm

yeah, it is dark - for me the appeal is from a linguistic POV. Just this morning, for some unknown reason, I flashed on a saying we used to bandy about in high school: "Your ass is grass!", meaning "Oh, you're in trouble now!". Why grass? I can understand "your ass" - a much abused body part often kicked, whipped, or beaten - but grass? Maybe it's related somehow to Cockney rhyming slang, via some weird parallel evolution... I dunno.

How many linguists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but only after finding verifiable citations of similar changes in the past
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"Falsehood flies, the Truth comes limping after it." - Jonathan Swift, ca. 1710

winddance
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Joined: March 2nd, 2024, 10:16 pm

Re: 911 to the rescue

Post by winddance » March 8th, 2024, 9:38 pm

like the cockey rhyming theory, bees and honey (money) but it's shortened from "your ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower" which makes more sense as a threat.
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach 10,000 stars how not to dance.
e e cummings

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sasha
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Re: 911 to the rescue

Post by sasha » March 8th, 2024, 11:10 pm

I don't remember ever explicitly hearing the 2nd half, though it was sometimes humorously implied. I seem to recall it more in the sense of "Boy, I'm glad I'm not in your shoes!!"
.
"Falsehood flies, the Truth comes limping after it." - Jonathan Swift, ca. 1710

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