Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

At hat vague hour between dark and down …the roof …was deserted.
Quiet as a burglar in my cornflower-sprigged bathrobe, I crept to the edge of the parapet. The parapet reached almost to my shoulders, so I dragged a folding chair from the stack against the wall, opened it, and climbed onto the precarious seat.
A stiff breeze lifted the hair from my head. At my feet the cit doused its lights in sleep, its buildings blackened as if for a funeral.
It was my last night. I grasped the bundle I carried and pulled at a pale tail. A strapless elasticized slip which, in the course of wear, had lost its elasticity, slumped into my hand. I waved it like a flag of truce, once, twice… The breeze caught it. And I let go.

A white flake floated out into the night, and began its slow descent. I wondered on what street or rooftop it would come to rest.

Piece by piece, I fed my wardrobe to the night wind, and fluttering like a loved one’s ashes the gray scraps were ferried off to settle here, there, exactly where I would never know, in the dark heart of New York.

Why do I feel I understood why. I sure sign my mania has flipped to depression is when I start reading the Bell Jar again.

I called it suicidal despair, probably being melodramatic, but that is how I felt. As if I was freeing myself


I keep on deleting posts
I could become a Lutheran
Next time I feel that sinister desire to kill me off
I could say
Get thee behind me satan.
Meanwhile I am sorry for any threads I have defaced with my ...

but i just can't bring myself to say
Never again.

they say the fear of God is the begining of wisdom
that is all I can tell you
i am still afraid I might do it again.

best just not to post again.

Are you saying you've got Post Deletion Syndrome?
It isn't chronic but reappears when you read the Bell Jar?

I detect a cure.
Avoid trigger.
Avoid temptation.

find a support group or alternate behaviour.
when feeling the obsessive post deletion impulse, take strawberry glass and look at life from within.

i'm not mocking. i know when i get into listening to Joan Baez sing "Diamonds and Rust" and when i listen more than 3 times, i'm in for a very strong weeping session. So, i avoid listening more than 2 times. This gives me the joy of almost crying my eyes out but still remaining on this side of social functioning.

Find your way through this Jack. It can be done.

Suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Headburner I think

I got a grip on it, but thanks for your concern.

I don't really give a shit about the deletions, my only regret is that it may cause doreen problem

Me and the mad girl been going steady for thirty years. Like a John Wayne movie where he talks to his dead wife.

Going to be easy from now on. I won't do creative. I take it way too personal.. Going to avoid it. Fireplace, Haiku, the safest place for me to be. I may start attending Quaker meetings again. About the only support group I can deal with.

avoid triggers, my best bet there would be to move to some place like Saudi Arabia. You hardly ever see a woman's knees there.


Meanwhile I got a lot of stuff to do with my stuff.

Just a frustrated wantabe cultural anthropologist, I don't a have creative bone in my body. I like to think about things. Going t blog my webpage with my musings.


Kanizsa Square. I know how it looks but there is no white square.
How easy it is to fool the brain. Kind of a zenn thing I think.

Going to be a happy jack, a little man with a big ego.
Leave the art and poetry to the artists and poets.

you put it out there
you stand back

that's the only criteria for 'doing art'

if the artistic spirit motivates, chances are the tangible will be expressive

go where you feel comfortable. if haiku is a good location, set up a homestead.

this is the time to get your bearings.

the mind sees what it wants to see. Hence, the square is there. my mind wants to see it and has no problem defining the space as square.

whynot?

see you later - my mind wants to take a shower.

Not to change the subject, but what does George W Bush's mind want to see. I saw a post about hand jobs and blow jobs. I guess women can see right through me. It was about then I started deleting. You saw through me years ago "WHAT THE FUCK STILLTRUCKING' Anniefay saw through me, "HEY WEIRDO"
Why not? what is the point of Zen. I thought it was to see. Seeing the appearance of things as they are.

Definetly a time to for me to get my bearings. Forty years too late but it is still now. "be a lamp unto thy self" Buddha i think.

"What can not be avoided must be embraced," I figure I always get what I got coming to me, if I don't I consider it Grace, a miracle. Bad karma with the opposite sex.. I was trying to burn it off with humor, but I never use enough emoticons.

"we think in generalities but we live in the details"

showers one the most pleasant details of my life. Enjoy

with thanks
j