How To Score With A Chick Without Spilling Your Beer:
Posted: November 21st, 2006, 2:56 pm
Hi boys and girls! It's time for Happy Hour w/Superthug's girlfirend Lil'Kayjay (that's me). Today's topic is... well you know the topic b/c you read it in the title, didn't you, you little fucking genius? So you wanna score w/a chick and not spill your beer? Of course you do. I worry about that all the time. Preventing this horrific mishap can be accomplished in 5 Easy Steps!
Step 1: Drink half the contents of your beer first: A simple solution to a tricky problem. Not only are you preventing a VERY embarrasing moment, you are also saving money by saving beer, gaining confidence by drinking beer, and looking cool by holding beer. You're on the ladder to success!
Step 2: Pick the proper conquest: This is half the battle! You'll want to stay away from high-maintenance girls who will not only reject you, but possibly splash your beer in your face w/disgust. Oh NOES! A waste of money, beer and Manly pride. "Set your standards low, & home w/you she'll go!" No one wants to leave w/the ugly chick, but since you didn't spill any of that beer, you'll probably be drunk and it won't matter. Good job, buddy.
Step 3: Leave Your Buddies at the bar: Nothing worse than when a nigga comes and cock-blocks, right boys and girls? Let your gentleman friends know that sex is in the air, Your army of unborn children are waiting to be released, and you're SO not unleashing it on them... unless you're drunk enough... and Steve is there. His skin's really soft and he smells like Downy... and beer. Mmm, beer!
Step 4: Execute the perfect pick-up line: Where all your tried and true favorites have failed... one line will always succeed. Puff up your chest, fix your bedroom eyes and come hither stare upon your face and STRUT over to your conquest. Jerk your head upwards in a very hip upwards nod fashion. "Sup." is your only introduction. Notice the period. Do not let her tell you what's up. Cut her off and lay the line on her "Wanna go get a pizza and fuck?" Let your gaze drop to her tits and wait for the lovin to commence. If she doesn't go for this line, she's probably a dude who taped his dick to his ass for a night of boy cruisin. Move on to a REAL chick but call the waste of time girl impersonator several variations of the words "homo", "Idiot", and "loser" before proceeding. After all... you're a Manly Man!
Step 5: Seal the deal: This fine looking lady (b/c by now you've had enough beer to turn Raggedy Andy into Nikki fucking Cox) will probably be expecting that pizza. "Where's the pizza?" She might ask. But you, being the cunning Man of Manly Man that you are, have prepared for this moment w/a line nearly as perfect as the one that got her to leave with you. "You hungry?" Of course she is, the poor thing. Well what is your crotch if not an everlasting lollipop? Give the sultry eyes, guesture at your crotch and say" Dinner's served. If she does not proceed to jump on the D immediately, result to name-calling, violence and llama-like spitting, then serve the dinner to yourself. But if all goes as planned... proceed to get it on! After all, saving that beer and picking up/verbally abusing chicks is hard fucking work. Someone's gotta reward you!
Well that's all we've got time for today boys and girls. I sure hope you had fun today. I know I did. And I'm sure I'll see you idiots with beer cups to the sky, not a drop spilt... proud-- Like a Manly Man.
END
Step 1: Drink half the contents of your beer first: A simple solution to a tricky problem. Not only are you preventing a VERY embarrasing moment, you are also saving money by saving beer, gaining confidence by drinking beer, and looking cool by holding beer. You're on the ladder to success!
Step 2: Pick the proper conquest: This is half the battle! You'll want to stay away from high-maintenance girls who will not only reject you, but possibly splash your beer in your face w/disgust. Oh NOES! A waste of money, beer and Manly pride. "Set your standards low, & home w/you she'll go!" No one wants to leave w/the ugly chick, but since you didn't spill any of that beer, you'll probably be drunk and it won't matter. Good job, buddy.
Step 3: Leave Your Buddies at the bar: Nothing worse than when a nigga comes and cock-blocks, right boys and girls? Let your gentleman friends know that sex is in the air, Your army of unborn children are waiting to be released, and you're SO not unleashing it on them... unless you're drunk enough... and Steve is there. His skin's really soft and he smells like Downy... and beer. Mmm, beer!
Step 4: Execute the perfect pick-up line: Where all your tried and true favorites have failed... one line will always succeed. Puff up your chest, fix your bedroom eyes and come hither stare upon your face and STRUT over to your conquest. Jerk your head upwards in a very hip upwards nod fashion. "Sup." is your only introduction. Notice the period. Do not let her tell you what's up. Cut her off and lay the line on her "Wanna go get a pizza and fuck?" Let your gaze drop to her tits and wait for the lovin to commence. If she doesn't go for this line, she's probably a dude who taped his dick to his ass for a night of boy cruisin. Move on to a REAL chick but call the waste of time girl impersonator several variations of the words "homo", "Idiot", and "loser" before proceeding. After all... you're a Manly Man!
Step 5: Seal the deal: This fine looking lady (b/c by now you've had enough beer to turn Raggedy Andy into Nikki fucking Cox) will probably be expecting that pizza. "Where's the pizza?" She might ask. But you, being the cunning Man of Manly Man that you are, have prepared for this moment w/a line nearly as perfect as the one that got her to leave with you. "You hungry?" Of course she is, the poor thing. Well what is your crotch if not an everlasting lollipop? Give the sultry eyes, guesture at your crotch and say" Dinner's served. If she does not proceed to jump on the D immediately, result to name-calling, violence and llama-like spitting, then serve the dinner to yourself. But if all goes as planned... proceed to get it on! After all, saving that beer and picking up/verbally abusing chicks is hard fucking work. Someone's gotta reward you!
Well that's all we've got time for today boys and girls. I sure hope you had fun today. I know I did. And I'm sure I'll see you idiots with beer cups to the sky, not a drop spilt... proud-- Like a Manly Man.
END
