the rifleman: deluxe box set

[constantine]

episode one: bam!bam!bam!

take away the rifle
and luke mccain ain't shit
big guy though
son's a twirp
awful purdy
the little faggot
but that's his problem
fuck em both
the sheriff's a candy ass
and north fork's in black and white
kind of creeps me out
now the barber's getting into the act
he's going to get whomped
don't do anything foolish...BAM!
holy shit!
saddle punks take a hard-ass fall
he's good with a rifle - i'll give him that

episode two: the mexican

the rifleman just kicked the mexican's ass!
no surprise there - i dare say
mexican boxers can take a shot
nearly impossible to knockdown or out
but, the rifleman is a serious contender
can't see a mexican taking him down
ain't gonna happen in 1960
in black and white or color
you'd think they'd figure it out
i guess that's why they're mexicans

episode three: town ain't big enough

the rifleman just killed claude aikens!
i had my doubts, but seeing is believing
the rifleman can do the job
i knew he was tough
but he's even tougher than i thought
son's a candy ass though
must of took after his mother
not that it's a bad thing
but in the west - it's somewhat of a liability
perhaps with some degree of behavior modification
he will be able to function normally
within a western-style format
but i wouldn't hold my breath

episode four: something's rotten in north fork

hold my calls - the rifleman's on!
within 10 seconds someone got whacked
within 15, the rifleman gets involved
uncle joe from hooterville is in this one!
mark's petting a horse - he's gay, you know
nothing wrong with that
except they always play sappy music for him
as if to accentuate his gentleness
a sharp contrast to the incessant violence that is north fork
father and son are ranching it up shirtless
must be hot in north fork
luke socked haskins and knocked him down
haskins will not make it through this episode - mark my words
mccain's not looking for trouble - he is merely trying to avoid it
he always says that when he's about to stir up some shit
haskins wanted for three killings in kansas!
anthrax!!! uh-oh
that came out of nowhere
must have happened when i was typing
you can't be turned down because of your health with colonial penn
the rate's locked in - can't be cancelled
guaranteed!
kickin chicken at rally's
cayenne pepper included with purchase
bundle it with time warner
you know you want to - so do it now!
mark looks at sleeping horse
anthrax!!!
ponderous and suspicious musical treatment to underscore potential threat
haskins strong-arms mark
he found the paper!
luke's a-comin up fast!
drop your rifle - real slow
mark sneaks up from behind - a natural tendency no doubt
haskins demands proof on the anthrax deal
horse foaming at mouth
scuffle
mark flips him the rifle
i told you haskins wouldn't make it to the end
we make a good team, son
we make a good team, dad
hokey music playing - mark's crying - again
they hug
let's go son
is your non-stick pan a sticky nightmare?

episode five: big beef with lee van cleef

go rifleman!
kick the cowpunk's ass
don't need scum like that in north fork
get your funky illiterate confederate ass out of town
i think the shit's about to go down
this guy was born out of luck
oof! that's gotta hurt
he's taking mark's horse!
oh shit - i thought the shit was going down
but that was only proto-shit
this is the real caca
ain't no easing up now!
this punk is going down - hard
but first, he's shooting up some booze bottles
never could understand that
what's this?
what a fucking rip!
the punk thought about it and rode away
great - some ending
fuck you rifleman!

the end of the trail: epilogue little dogie

i'm done with lucas mccain
stick a north fork in it
need to ride the high country
maybe mexico or machu pikachu
i said pikachu, son!
search for a new horizon-type deal
boldly go where no man has gone before
wherever the fuck that is
hmm...

(to be continued)

[the mingo]

Holy Full Metal Jacket, Bat Rifle! - I can't help it Dino, some folk's work may be like beer. Others may be like wine. Still others may be like whiskey. But yours are bourbon through & through - pure, american, right out of earth and spring water and sour mash. All the finest ingredients. I'm not talking just chuckles here, though there is certainly that - I mean they crack me up so bad I have to put a hand over my hernia to keep it from popping clear out -

Thx, Dino - May You Live Forever!

[theirishsea]

Entertaining poem----long but no problem. This is interesting---the humor, the description of the rifleman plots, etc.

[mnaz]

cool. i was waiting for the re-runs.....

yes, true american bourbon .....