Solitary Enigma

Post by **goldenmyst** » March 25th, 2009, 1:49 pm

Solitary Enigma

I used to think I was too serious
And at a loss for words
My demeanor hobbled
A prosthetic personality
Unfit for the social circle
My bumbling babbling
Repelling tentative touches
Awkward silences strung
In gaping data gaps

Realization opened like a warm hand
Grasping my fragile ego
In clasp of knowledge
That my dissonance differs
From the chronically normal

I am a solitary enigma
Dipping in and out of the global village
Like an interloper in a foreign land
Seeking a language to speak
Whose words are understood

Post by **Yejun** » March 25th, 2009, 6:20 pm

"A prosthetic personality"

--I like this.

"That shy reticent souls roam the world
Like flocks of sheep seeking home"

--I don't understand this. I don't see how it fits.

"Dipping in and out of the global village
Like an interloper in a foreign land
Seeking a language to speak
Whose words are understood"

--'interloper' is a powerful word. Is that the word you want? And while I don't know how much I can get away with here, I think ending with 'understood' and dropping the last two lines would make for a more powerful finish.

But that's probably just me.

Post by **goldenmyst** » March 25th, 2009, 6:41 pm

Yejun I took your advice to heart. Your changes have been implemented. I agree "interloper" is a strong word. However, it expresses exactly my intended meaning. Thanks for reading.

John

Post by **Lightning Rod** » March 25th, 2009, 8:49 pm

like the poem John

(isn't the singular of enigma an enigmum? or is my Latin rusty?)

Post by **constantine** » March 25th, 2009, 9:12 pm

as a proud member of the misbegotten majority, i found your poem to be most satisfying.

Post by **goldenmyst** » March 26th, 2009, 3:46 pm

Lightning Rod, I can't remember, which is pretty sad having been a member of a Latin honor society in college. Thanks for the read dude.

Constantine, if the majority weren't such an exclusive club I might join. But then I would never join a club which would have me as a member. lol Thanks for the read!

John

Post by **hester_prynne** » March 27th, 2009, 10:11 pm

I like the hum of this, it's universal but personal.
Enjoyed reading it
H

Post by **goldenmyst** » March 28th, 2009, 10:14 am

Hester, "universal but personal." I like that.

Thanks for reading.

John

Post by **theirishsea** » March 29th, 2009, 8:18 am

Old friends on a new site.

We are all

Dipping in and out of the global village

these days.

Post by **goldenmyst** » April 3rd, 2009, 11:04 am

theirishsea, yes but some more so than others. lol Great to see you here.

John

Post by **stilltrucking** » April 3rd, 2009, 12:30 pm

"That shy reticent souls roam the world
Like flocks of sheep seeking home"

I liked that too,
I think I was born to follow.

I liked it all
a stupendous poem

Post by **goldenmyst** » April 23rd, 2009, 9:38 pm

Stilltrucking, I was born to follow too. Thanks dude!

John

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