1974-

[creativesoul]

after living around musicians
we liked to party[u]
[/u]
my face was in the bass drum, asleep
i guess it seemed kinda normal
actors do too
daddy loved the hooch

wrost drink ever
was grape flavored tang and vodka
grabbed out of my hand
by the man i loved
told i couldnt drink

knowing he was right
hated admitting it
the damage caused
by insane people in hollywood
to my childhood is a law suit
that never really gets resolved

my inner child is an attorney
wants to be fair
but take everything
kinda like divorse with a dildo
in places the sun gonna shine

tonite the seedy bars of reno
tainted with old coke whores
cheap fantasies tainted with a fools idea of love
plays drums and dreams of a woman he once knew
love is not the same thing
to someone that has been down the darker road
to freedom from bondage to idiots

once she even thought he was lovable amusing
entertaining
like all firecrackers
they just explode
call you like babies in the night
please i dont want to be alone anymore
i drank because my son got his second dui
i love this sickness
we are so fuckin stupid
there is a woman in my AA meeting that makes me wanna shoot dope
i never have
so i wait til she speaks so i can smoke my cigarette
subtle foe is so and so
nameless places i will never go
never again
OUTSIDe now- i guess i knew all along he was wine and song and folly
oh the sight for eyes to see
that tree and all that it can free

[saw]

I can relate to my youth through much of your poetry, and i have come to fully believe in the random nature of the paths....a break here, a sign there, or not and we're off down a dubious road,...maybe we get turned in another direction...maybe not.....maybe we don't ingest the wrong drug....maybe not
it's the great crap shot of the young looking for love that wasn't at home...of bonding with a surrogate family that just as dysfunctional as the one we left....
my take, is we have less free will than we think.....we are blown like seeds in the wind, and sometimes end up OK...sometimes not so OK......keep writing c-soul

[snowman]

nothing like addiction i dont think we ever rid ourselves of them just trade up and down
write on
dave

[creativesoul]

i feel ya- never could really quit cigs or coffee- sugar-that triangle of false fire- that is me-force myself to eat greens because if i had my way--- and i have hehe
sugar drugs, big chunks of red meat and cheese- couple bottles of wine and a friends husband- yep a real pig i can be as an addict-suey suey suey
however-my training is how to walk thru doorways that most people can never seem to figure
what it is actully that is happening
is picking up wild hitchikers on kauai-staying pretty sober there- about ten years- but that story is just too long to tell-and all the wonderful things i have seen hanging around the slop pen, well it is quite an effective little climate-aloha

[creativesoul]

i went to a meeting in 1985 ...as i was driving by- i couldnt understand why they were awake at 7 in the morning and drinking things in stirafoam cups on the sidewalk
i asked this cool looking guy what they were doing, he said"this is an AA meeting"
i hit the gas out of there-
treatment, marriage, treatment marriage, oops, marriage again but no treatment center, just kauai and meetings, the way the ole folks did it..never fucking ending
wonderful crazy random thing we got the 12 steps-i am not the greatest advocate of change, but i learn how, in a bare skin way