swollenhands

[creativesoul]

my knuckles are enlarged
the hub rat loader packed 562 boxes into a truck last night
while it is freezing, i came home to my palace of cats of various breeds, longing for my man who is working a horse circus in dallas
where it is warm with his laughter and skin peeling
of his face filled with jokes and casual surprise
love is a secret
dont tell on us
because if we give it a name and a title it wont have the same life
like a captive animal i t will try to escape
but this way love, can be free
he has five children, prints t-shirts, drives fork lift and is a carpenter
he makes steel stages and sometimes is a roadie
he is a man of many talents
and he looks like jim morrison sometimes
i like him
alot
but ya see i am a busy myself
too busy to believe in fairy tales and make believe stuff
when surrival seems to surpass the desires of my muffin
my hands are so sore and i crawl out of bed, like a stunt person towards the coffee machine
having to show up for a class i signed up for, but cannot do the deal
im tired like a dead person just walking in my sleep
showing up in body but my mind takes me to the dreamtime
last night i dreamed i killed my wolf
was a horrible dream
the natives say that wolf is walking through your far
did i kill my fear?
the women from my old community were approaching
like a wartime bad late night movie
all those ideas about the way things are
were sort of making me paranoid
see "there is no the way things are'
there is only change
and more of that
i smell odd things from another level of life
one night i smelled babies
yesterday my friend said i smelled like perfume
i had not taken a shower even
so i walk swollen towards the class that feels like the gilotine
off with her head the queen says
of these thoughts i am possum
i pretend they are not there
i am happy to be unable to bleed anymore
that my hairs are turning gray one by one
and my river is flowing inside me
instead of out of me