Turkey Story--Nevermore

[Les S. Amore]

Nevermore

I bought the turkey on ebay
it looked golden roasted plump
dressed and berried
then the FedEx man arrived

the bird was alive and fully feathered
he looked at me quizzically through the crate
I signed the special form for live merchandize
Now it was time to talk turkey.

To avoid a grueling clash with my morals
I decided I had to kill the bird soon.
Having no hatchet, I looked around
for a suitable method of execution.

My eyes came to rest on the Gibson guitar
sitting in the corner like a guillotine
the E string glistened like a garrotte
I grabbed it by its tapered neck.

Instinctively my hand made an A minor and
when the chord rang the bird began to sing.
He did Turkey in the Straw, of course, and then
his rendition of the Yoko Ono song Cold Turkey.

It was so much fun that I pulled out my bottle
of Wild Turkey. We drank a nip and sang some more
I asked him what he was thankful for, he said,
"Songs."
Over dinner I emplored his name. He said, "Nevermore."

[Lightning Rod]

why don't you go write for Hallmack
Les S. Amore

Let's hear your version of Turkey in the Straw

[WIREMAN]

......"gobble-gobble".....
lacombe lucien woulda
grabbed it and chopped
it's head off with the butt
of his hand, and the old geek
he'd a just bit it off, singin' that
tune from beverley hillbillies that
super chico loves so mucho much,
..."black gold.....texas-t !"..........wired

[Lightning Rod]

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said,

"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

[stilltrucking]

My mother picked the perfect day to die November 22
thanksgiving day 1984
at peace with the G-d of her mothers
she died at dawn as so many old folks do I am told

I love this joke she told me a long time ago

It seems there was a horrible murder a Jewish boy killed his mother then he cut her heart out and went running down the street with her heart in his hands, he tripped, fell down, and skinned his knees. The heart said to him, "Oh dear, did you hurt your self son?"