the hotel lobby was beautiful, rumor has it that at one time this place was a little more lively than it is today, but i do not care. i love the carpet and the artwork tastefully intermingled with underwater orchids and protea s from the crater on Maui- he was accross the street getting his eyes exaimined. it was debatable which of them would be blind first. she had a strange attraction to blind people- as they relied on senses that were magnified as the result of impairment- this meant that they were extremely sensual. she loved that man accross the street, more than anyone including him would ever know. somehow she felt it was a weakness. it was as if the tough girl she imagined herself to be had no further purpose here. she moaned a bit when she discovered that she had no more defense,no armor. vulnerability and honesty were the last frontier, and communication with three cats and a wolf.
she tried to speak with him on many matters, but found that a sweet sentence with few words worked better than a paragraph. he got overwhelmed easily. somewhat fragile, he professed his deep love for her with that beautiful laughter. recently he discoverd that he has aged-previously i suppose he still thought he was 36 or so, but no- he was older now and pre-disposed to acceptance.
the sun had come out today and they were taking their freind to a meeting, he had tied one on recently and was not doing so well. it never fails, the sun comes out and we are at work or doing something that requires us to be indoors.lately it seems like the things that looked so great, were goals she had five years ago------ had been loafing around on the pier, knowing that she had reached them, ready to take a plunge in the living waters of the columbia river. all those dreams had come true, and now it was time to find some new ones.
she thought about going to mexico and being a "study abroad" with some students for 13 days. she thought about wriitng a interdisaplinary masters degree between publishing, writing an conflict resolution.she thought about alot of things. she had to carry fifty pounds of books around every day- and lived at school on kung pao chicken and brown rice, an old friend called and she had to listen instead of talk. what was happening here? he was trying to sleep see.how had love wrapped her up like an egg roll.? maybe all of these fortunes from fortune cookies were having a party in her wallet. deciding which of them would be the truth for her. she went to various 12 step meeings, and when her disease realized she was on to them , they found new ways to torture her.she needed money- where the hell was she going to get that when she is taking 18 credits.? student, lover, wife artist writer daydreamer screamer
buffalo woman
tired
no smoking please
the lungs had finally rebeled 16 days ago
he had quit as well
one millon words had crossed her path since then
but how
would the truth be told?
?
too many words
-
creativesoul
- Posts: 4660
- Joined: September 15th, 2005, 3:23 am
- Contact:
-
Susan Marie
- Posts: 56
- Joined: April 12th, 2007, 12:42 pm
- Location: NY
creative soul,
I love reading and just started to delve into attempting to write fiction (ahahaha that's real fun but this?) I adore this and all I see is a need for spacing to make it more eye pleasing. You are a fine writer, if I dare, I just spaced it for you and again, I am no one to critique a thing, I just thought reading it spaced up would make it easier, keep it going . . .unless you meant for it to be like that, then I apologize in advance.)
I tried to indent - it would not let me.
~~~
The hotel lobby was beautiful. Rumor has it that at one time this place was a little more lively than it is today, but I do not care. I love the carpet and the artwork intermingled with underwater orchids and proteas from the crater on Maui.
He was across the street getting his eyes examined. It was debatable which of them would be blind first. She had a strange attraction to blind people. They relied on senses that were magnified as the result of impairment meaning they were extremely sensual. She loved that man across the street more than anyone.
Somehow she felt it was a weakness. It was as if the tough girl she imagined herself to be had no further purpose here. She moaned a bit when she discovered that she had no more defense, no armor. Vulnerability and honesty were her last frontier. That and communication with three cats and a wolf.
She tried to speak with him on many matters, but found that a sweet sentence with few words worked better than a paragraph. He became overwhelmed easily. Somewhat fragile, he professed his love for her with his beautiful laughter. He discovered recently that he was aging. I suppose he still thought he was 36 or so, but no, he was older now and pre-disposed to acceptance.
The sun had come out today and they were taking their friend to a meeting. He had tied one on recently and was not doing well. It never fails, the sun comes out and she is at work or doing something that requires her to be indoors. Lately it seems like the things that looked so great, were goals she had five years ago.
She had been loafing around on the pier, knowing she had reached her goals, ready to take a plunge in the waters of the Columbia river. All of those dreams had come true, and now it was time to find new ones.
She thought about going to Mexico and "studying abroad" with students for 13 days. She thought about an interdisciplinary Masters degree combining publishing, writing and conflict resolution. She thought about alot of things.
She had to carry fifty pounds of books around every day and lived at school on Kung Pao chicken and brown rice. An old friend called and she had to listen instead of talk. What was happening here?
He was trying to sleep. Love wrapped her up like an egg roll. Maybe all of the fortunes from fortune cookies were having a party in her wallet deciding which of them would be the truth for her.
She went to various 12 step meetings and when her disease realized she was on it, it found new ways to torture her. She needed money. Where the hell was she going to get that when she is taking 18 credits?
Student, lover, wife, artist, writer, daydreamer, screamer, buffalo woman, tired.
No smoking please, the lungs had finally rebelled 16 days ago. He had quit as well. One millon words had crossed her path since then yet how can the truth be told?
~~~
I wish you would keep working on this, I love the stream of concsiousness and hope you do not take offense that I broke it up into paraprgaphs. I am not one to critique nor did you ask for it. I see a great work here and really wish you would develop it. It left me with a feeling of disorientation, indecision and extreme confusion of love and self.
I love reading and just started to delve into attempting to write fiction (ahahaha that's real fun but this?) I adore this and all I see is a need for spacing to make it more eye pleasing. You are a fine writer, if I dare, I just spaced it for you and again, I am no one to critique a thing, I just thought reading it spaced up would make it easier, keep it going . . .unless you meant for it to be like that, then I apologize in advance.)
I tried to indent - it would not let me.
~~~
The hotel lobby was beautiful. Rumor has it that at one time this place was a little more lively than it is today, but I do not care. I love the carpet and the artwork intermingled with underwater orchids and proteas from the crater on Maui.
He was across the street getting his eyes examined. It was debatable which of them would be blind first. She had a strange attraction to blind people. They relied on senses that were magnified as the result of impairment meaning they were extremely sensual. She loved that man across the street more than anyone.
Somehow she felt it was a weakness. It was as if the tough girl she imagined herself to be had no further purpose here. She moaned a bit when she discovered that she had no more defense, no armor. Vulnerability and honesty were her last frontier. That and communication with three cats and a wolf.
She tried to speak with him on many matters, but found that a sweet sentence with few words worked better than a paragraph. He became overwhelmed easily. Somewhat fragile, he professed his love for her with his beautiful laughter. He discovered recently that he was aging. I suppose he still thought he was 36 or so, but no, he was older now and pre-disposed to acceptance.
The sun had come out today and they were taking their friend to a meeting. He had tied one on recently and was not doing well. It never fails, the sun comes out and she is at work or doing something that requires her to be indoors. Lately it seems like the things that looked so great, were goals she had five years ago.
She had been loafing around on the pier, knowing she had reached her goals, ready to take a plunge in the waters of the Columbia river. All of those dreams had come true, and now it was time to find new ones.
She thought about going to Mexico and "studying abroad" with students for 13 days. She thought about an interdisciplinary Masters degree combining publishing, writing and conflict resolution. She thought about alot of things.
She had to carry fifty pounds of books around every day and lived at school on Kung Pao chicken and brown rice. An old friend called and she had to listen instead of talk. What was happening here?
He was trying to sleep. Love wrapped her up like an egg roll. Maybe all of the fortunes from fortune cookies were having a party in her wallet deciding which of them would be the truth for her.
She went to various 12 step meetings and when her disease realized she was on it, it found new ways to torture her. She needed money. Where the hell was she going to get that when she is taking 18 credits?
Student, lover, wife, artist, writer, daydreamer, screamer, buffalo woman, tired.
No smoking please, the lungs had finally rebelled 16 days ago. He had quit as well. One millon words had crossed her path since then yet how can the truth be told?
~~~
I wish you would keep working on this, I love the stream of concsiousness and hope you do not take offense that I broke it up into paraprgaphs. I am not one to critique nor did you ask for it. I see a great work here and really wish you would develop it. It left me with a feeling of disorientation, indecision and extreme confusion of love and self.
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest