I intend to flirt

[joel]

When I – a peppermint’s serrated leaf –
am tasted, freshly separated from
the square-cut stem that long supported me –
a shoot arisen from the clayey dirt –
when I am tasted unexpectedly
and nakedly and sugarless, I’ll burn
the sensitivities of tasting tongues
with this – my fullest flavor – as their lungs
inhale my menthol effervescence, learn
I’m not some candy’s sweet passivity—
when I am tasted, I intend to flirt
with blitzkrieg full aggression, angrily
assert my fullness undiluted, dumb
if I have been, to tongue unsung relief.

[Doreen Peri]

umm... joel?

"clayey"

heh

other than that, it was tasty

[joel]

When I – a peppermint’s serrated leaf –
am tasted, freshly separated from
the square-cut stem that long supported me –
shot up from phyllosilicates* and dirt –
when I am tasted unexpectedly
and nakedly and sugarless, I’ll burn
the sensitivities of tasting tongues
with this – my fullest flavor – as their lungs
inhale my menthol effervescence, learn
I’m not some candy’s sweet passivity—
when I am tasted, I intend to flirt
with blitzkrieg full aggression, angrily
assert my fullness undiluted, dumb
if I have been, to tongue unsung relief.

*ok. I suppose my continuing exile in my isolated suburbia doesn't excuse "clayey" vocabulary. How about a more scientific phyllosilicate? Go William & Mary Geology Dep't! Tribe Pride!

[Doreen Peri]

hehe... much better!

As you know, I usually don't critique, (unless posting in a critique forum like the old scroll used to be) ... so thanks for letting me question it. It was sorta awkward, no? lol.. not a word, i don't think.

I'd have to look up phyllosilicates but it looks like a real word! Plus it sounds good!

[joel]

well, thanks. you know i'm always up for helpful critique. and what? "clayey" is a real word, isn't it? like, "when i came back up from makin' mud pies, my mama said i was a right 'clayey' mess."

ok.

i get you point...

[Doreen Peri]

omg.. i just looked it up! it IS a word! lol... i'm a ditz.. but this is better anyway.. and thanks.. will be a great word for scrabble Ys are 4 points each.

[judih]

clayey has that irish brogue to it.

as in MacClayey
or O'Clayey made me do it

i might have been convinced to use the yiddish flavour - clayish
or clayful to show my delight with the stickiness of the state

i love the poem.

[Lightning Rod]

I like clayey myself
but I'm prejudiced

[hester_prynne]

Keep it clayey...I love that, I can taste it, the taste of clay, when I was a kid, oh it's all coming back to me, those puddles, the clayey tastes, the peppermint that flirted it right out but still left me clayey memories.....

cool poem Joely
H

[Perdida]

when I am tasted unexpectedly
and nakedly and sugarless, I’ll burn
the sensitivities of tasting tongues
with this – my fullest flavor – as their lungs
inhale my menthol effervescence, learn
I’m not some candy’s sweet passivity—
when I am tasted, I intend to flirt

grinning....i lerve this. Nice work.

m