a sunken-ship weight
hangs inside me
like a tear that never cries
heavy soul
i love the shortness of this poem. it packs a power punch...and it made me think of an overly long poem i wrote in 2001 (i think)...here, i'll share
***
Coldfingers
please close the window
there's an icewind
blowing on my eyes
and i feel like
i've been holding on
to some chewing gum
for too long
and i can't breathe
in deep enough
i need air
give me a bike with no wheels
so i can cycle to nowhere
or a treadmill
so i can run at full speed
till i have no more breath
then maybe i'll be too tired to feel
or to care anymore
that there are cold fingers
crawling up my spine
to choke me
something is wrong
i want to scream
but i'm making all the right noises
i want to cry
but there are no tears
and all i can think about
is the pain
trapped inside my cheeks
like a dying man
holding on to his last breath
not willing to let go
yet
***
sO dramatic and too long. i like yours better.
...running out the door right NOW. that's me...
***
Coldfingers
please close the window
there's an icewind
blowing on my eyes
and i feel like
i've been holding on
to some chewing gum
for too long
and i can't breathe
in deep enough
i need air
give me a bike with no wheels
so i can cycle to nowhere
or a treadmill
so i can run at full speed
till i have no more breath
then maybe i'll be too tired to feel
or to care anymore
that there are cold fingers
crawling up my spine
to choke me
something is wrong
i want to scream
but i'm making all the right noises
i want to cry
but there are no tears
and all i can think about
is the pain
trapped inside my cheeks
like a dying man
holding on to his last breath
not willing to let go
yet
***
sO dramatic and too long. i like yours better.
...running out the door right NOW. that's me...
-
panta rhei
- Posts: 1078
- Joined: September 3rd, 2004, 11:43 am
- Location: black forest, germany
- Contact:
odette and smileGRL, thank you. loved your poem response, MJ.
mingo. i was trying to condense. I love that challenge. say as much as possible with as few words as I can. the best I've managed so far was: her skin contains her dance
like haiku but with sloth in mind.
panta rhei, nice response. it gave me an image of an aching heart billowing like a great silk sail tied to the mast of an empty boat bobbing on the sea.
mingo. i was trying to condense. I love that challenge. say as much as possible with as few words as I can. the best I've managed so far was: her skin contains her dance
like haiku but with sloth in mind.
panta rhei, nice response. it gave me an image of an aching heart billowing like a great silk sail tied to the mast of an empty boat bobbing on the sea.
"like haiku but with sloth in mind"- that hit the head on the nail - I'm goin' to keep that small flock of words in mind, if ya don't mind...
"her skin contains her dance" - this went to me inside out, it becomes as if my very own memory. Brevity of full expression sirens me as well. We have always flirted, but not because we were looking for lovers. Time moves on, sometimes brings us back around for another look.Thanks, bennie2.
"her skin contains her dance" - this went to me inside out, it becomes as if my very own memory. Brevity of full expression sirens me as well. We have always flirted, but not because we were looking for lovers. Time moves on, sometimes brings us back around for another look.Thanks, bennie2.
Doll, you may have found a place of rest but I'm still on the trail.
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