LOSING GRACE

[RJ]

In the presence of my lost grace,
I was graced with the presence of your loss.
While you were graced with my presence.
Time molded into phases of false.
Guilt radiating within the very sight that once spoke my forever.
Deceit has betrayed my trusting nature and knocked the pedestal over.
With no elevation, cracked memories in the bean bag surround you.
Full stomachs support empty hearts as the air in that bean bag fluffs those tarnished memories.
When my grace whipped about like a flag on a windy day,
You looked away.
Allowing my disposition to float unmelodic within a patched wall.
Covered and never the same, I pass by that moment on a daily basis.
Bang, bang, said the knife to the back.
And my grace left me lying alone.
Jagged flesh unable to mend, jagged truth did not set me free.
Since there is no truth in you right now,
You are free to go.
In the presence of my lost grace,
I wasn’t present anywhere in the grace of your loss.
While you were graced with my presence.

You always acted sad when I would take my ring off to play.
I am sad that you wore your ring while you played me.
And melancholy now hugs that symbol, as it has run full circle.
My loss had no grace, and you were not present.
While you were graced with the promise of my presence.
Lied to while lying in our bed, your loss was present.
And our loss was a present.
Loyalty has its boundaries, and your point of no return returned to its point.
So, in the presence of our loss, we may become graced with presence of each other.
But that was already promised in front of hundreds of people?
Your love was true then, just not now.
The clock ticks away like an expensive pet shampoo from the vet.
Time has not altered the unconditional in me yet,
Just the faith I already knew I didn’t have.
In the loss of our graces, the present is a present.
The past is a demon, which holds our losses and blurs our wins.
So with grace, I will present myself with the possibilities of you, just not the promise.
While you are graced with my presence.

There is only one truth.
And we as individuals simply steal shattered shards of the puzzle in order to feel secure.
Not comprehending that we only have a piece of that big picture.
Our perception of the truth are the thoughts that stare back at us within the reflections.
Others hold their truth with a clinched fist.
Suffocating and cutting them out of the picture.
Some break their tiny truth into smaller pieces, which get lost forever and then we are left to fill in the blanks with our own ideas.
Don’t do that.
In masses, we are frightened into leaving that line blank, this is even more dangerous.
So in the picture, I will gaze.
Not filling the blanks, not even choosing E for all of the above.
Not flipping back in pages of this open book test.
I’ve been trying to place those books upon my shelf.
So with the grace of this present, I will accept my losses.
You have to face you with grace too.
Unable to be graceful with the loss of me, we both fall asleep unsounded and unheard.
Because you are graced with my presence.

So, when I find some truth, I’ll let you know.
If I feel my faith rise, I’ll hold on tight, I hope I never let go.
For you, it’s only time with me.
That’s really all we’ve ever had.
My love is stronger than your faith in yourself.
My commitment is still standing at attention; it’s just not saluting you.
My hand is raised to me this time around; my eyes will have to be on you.
I let go of sanity’s hand to fight off the lepers in my mind.
With a dull sword I battled myself.
With an old microscope I observed my faults and failures.
With a plastic knife and a candle, I dissected the truth.
And only found that I let go of sanity’s hand to fight the wrong war.
I was fighting the you in me.
While we are graced with our presence.