Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

It’s hard!
I mean you are
It’s not to say that maybe you
Didn’t do something to deserve it
Every shot that caused all the nerve damage
Numbing you
You don’t see me
Your daughter twice as young as my son
Though you look close to twice my age
Your life that aged you too soon is not
My responsibility and yet
I would argue that it is mine
From a distanced I don’t want to deal with the reality of
You’re cold staring directly in front of you
Your daughter at your side not acknowledging you spoke with
Me yesterday smiling though not wide
Restricted not trusting not
Enough to say hello today not
Enough to glance in my direction to see if I’d
You think I translate into holier than thou when
I translate into something you obviously haven’t studied
I’m not here to judge or change you I see you judging me as here to
Spread my whatever change you imagined I judged you needed you are
Afraid of my eyes opening you
I wonder as you pass if you wouldn’t be better off dead as some might say
“Let ‘em kill each other!” but for your daughter who has yet to be
Infected I say no you are not a hopeless case
She is
It’s true that she will never amount
Socially if all continues as is
She will not know potential
She will be a waste of space
She will amount to nothing anyone sees or hears or loves or hates or she will be nothing or will she?
Can you tell me how this doesn’t equate to being our responsibility our
Cultural obligation?
Where I live people say hello to one another
I know coming from a place where you don’t say hello to avoid the horrible possibilities a greeting implies has almost always led to something that causes you pain
That there are advantages well beyond anything I will take the time to go into right now in learning to talk to the occasional stranger in not growing up afraid to speak
Fuck! Yes I want to change you bitch!
Please today, we’ll take baby steps, just look at me
I know it’s hard

my grandmother once
told
me
"you won't ever amount to a hill of beans"
well
i am a hill of beans
ha so there grandmother

"Take it easy."
as if you were speaking to me
that is the best advice I have had all day



My short term memory trashed today I got no link to give but I
read something recently about our ability to put our selves inside another person's skull. Something only humans can do, some special ability we have over other animals. I wonder about that. How could we know?
My dog seems to know me pretty well.

interesting piece
thanks for writing.
jt

nothing against your poem
kalamazoo amiga
it was just the most natural flow
in my poem chi
i don't know why i feel guilty for beaning my grandmothher
no skin off her back
but my soul pains still
let i goooo
take it easy, man.

Yeah my grandmother she played this little piggy went to market in the tub with me. For years I thought I had eleven toes
stilltrucking

there once was a fool in florita
he thought he was kool with nolita
she said she was gay so he said what the hay
we can have an immaculate concepcionita

wipeout!

interesting rereading the poem
some kind of relationship
not clearly elucidated yet
mysterious
deep underground streams

thrift deep
she speaks
where I pale

it is all
foretold
& I balk b4 I

finish anything
b4 I dare 2 make sense
I make u mine

4 this 4ever

ah



sigh

Not sure what my comment about my grandmother has to do with this post by abstroint but what the hey.

I spent my childhood scared shitless of women fighting with each other. I always felt like I was in a cage full of tigresses. I could not understand what the hell the arguements were about.

Obviously this is between women. For years I have tried to project myself inside their skulls. The earliest nightmare I can remember was about being taken down through a man hole into an underground hospital where little boys were transformed into girls. Yes Oedipus wrecks got nothing on me.

Hmm
Guilty about your grandmother Ace?
I used to feel guilty about the time I grabbed my mother by the throat in a fit of rage. Me not her favorite son, just her baby boy. Crazy mike tried to warn her that she would regret the way she molly coddled me.

Sorry Cyndi
not trying to hijack
just the flow for me
even if it has nothing to do with your post.

They say all men are latent homosexuals
I have chosen not to be
I am a fortunate son to have that choice
Men are so boring
Women make a more interesting other
they have so much more going on
just my opinion

Man has been to the moon,done 'bout all a man can do
D A
But a woman is the wonder of the world
D G
From her head to her toes man ain't caught what she can throw
D A D
Yes,a woman is the wonder of the world

by the west texas hemmingway

My grandmother meant me no harm
she had no idea I would remember
I was very young when that happened
small enough to fit in her kitchen sink where she would give me baths.

I am not good at estimating the age of children, was I much older than two or three? I don't blame her for me being the narcisistic prick that I am.

Ha I was supposed to be dead before my eighteenth birthday. I wonder if I’d better come up from underground for some air soon, might not make to my fortieth. I’m afraid that before I do that I’ll have to write about the teenage girl with a compulsion for apologizing. She’s a chubby brunette and wasn’t even doing anything that warranted her having to say sorry once. The two girls working with her were rude and didn’t offer any apologizes for their actions. They felt secure in their worth. Blahh. My noticing the dynamics of the power structure won’t change it.

I wish I had known about this ability to put ourselves inside someone else’s skull before today. I’m going to be having so much fun in my classes Monday. BTW still, I’m taking a couple WMS classes so maybe I’ll be able to keep up when you’re talking about feminism. We’ll see. No need to apologize. Let it go.

Oh K what can I say? I love your voice. Oh and 4ever’s a really long ass time.

Fuck! Yes I want to change you bitch!
Please today, we’ll take baby steps, just look at me
I know it’s hard

Thanks for the modulation Cynthia. I got a copy on that now.

regards

Talking about feminism

Yeah mousey1 wrote a bit about men who pander to women with what wonderful male feminists they are.
I would never call myself a male feminist; I don’t see how I could be. I suppose I could be a proto-feminist like Plath.
She wrote about the first woman hater she ever met. She had my number.


No man has more virtue than a reformed woman hater.

Regards

the teenage girl with a compulsion for apologizing

Mother daughter relationships like me trying to understand quantum mechanics, it vibrates at a level just below the horizon of my gray matter.
There is a dysfuntionality among the women in my family going back three generations. My grandmother lost her mother in child birth. I would here my mother bitch at my grandmother for all the stuff she got wrong. And my grandmother would come back to her with "I never had a mother"




Sons get off easy with their mother’s PTSD. What my sister and my mother used to do to each other.
I got sister in law that is not only beautiful but she so smart and insightful. When my sister had her son my sister in law said something like “I am glad Elke had a son instead of a daughter.” I always assumed it had something to do with my sister's issues with men. I should have asked her what she meant. But I though it was like she will have less trouble raising a son than a daughter?

Come on up for air more often
Forty sounds like young to me, I was still going strong into my fifties. My brother is way into his seventies still going like a bat out of hell on his ninja bike and His wife is older than he is
And she is a small frail looking woman who is a force of nature. I can’t explain that metaphor, I mean full throttle personality, she does it all, work gourmet meals, pets, it is a strange marriage. But they have worked it out after almost 50 years they still have fun together.
My driver’s license expires in 2011
Seventy-one sounds like a ripe old age. But thirty-five years ago thirty-six sound like a ripe old age.

I live in garden apartment senior citizen complex, ten units here and I am surrounded by spry old ladies and one other man who is in a motorized wheel chair buggy thingy and he carries his own oxygen with him.




You wrote:

Teenage girl with a compulsion for apologizing.

I been fascinated by mother daughter relationships since I read the Bell Jar in 1973. I am a frustrated cultural anthropologist I think. The professors used to say the proper study of man is mankind. I have studies womankind through the wrong end of a telescope for years.
Compulsive as hell with that book, I know I have read it as least 9 or ten or 15 times. I have not read it from cover to cover in years, but I dig it out every once and a while to get some quotes or refresh my memory about a sceene.
I was hooked by the first couple senstences,

the goggle eyed headlines that queer sultry summer day they executed the Rosenbergs...I did not know what i was doing in NYC and I am so stupid about executions

mangled cut and paste from geezer memory.




I can’t tell you what my sister went through. with Alamo rose. She says I am sorry about every other word. My sister my self, my baby sister of 54. Man oh man, gees I got write it somehow so she can read it.

The first twelve years of my life were sweet with two big brothers but when my mother gave me a baby sister I was truly blessed.

Speaking of voices. I used to love those shopping safaris you used to write. And I would hear myself saying, “By god, that woman can shop!”



j