400 in the morning

[creativesoul]

the cat awaits my arrival to this place, she sleeps here. she knows that even when i am making an effort to control myself, that i will be back, perhaps the clicking of the typing sooths her, as it does me at this late hour. I hear the crickets awaiting to be breakfast for my lizard. my husband is furious with me that i went out last night to an AA meeting, he has been in his boxers for 12 hours or more, and frankly i just needed to be somewhere else.
My crazy housemate behaves like a stalker, as i was preparing the back seat for the dog, she quietly comes up behind me and tells me that I need to give her more money towards the mortage.I have paid all the ultilities since May.I want to strangle her and watch her face turn blue. Instead I will paint her murder and be done with it. Feelings like this are rather dramatic and not very comfortable. The corn snakes are watching me as i write. I feel much like a reptile these days.My telephone rings at four in the morning, my husband is angry about that too. I think he may have a problem.
I am going to be happy, if it means going out and doing things with out him well that will just have to be the way it is. I cannot sleep as much as he does, and it is boring. I want to go outside, i want to feel the breezes and the trees rustling.the moon is out. life can be beautiful and I remeber a time when i thought so. freedom and love can exist.just not here tonight
maybe tommorow
i guess I had hopes that I would hook up with someone that wanted me to be happy.I think he wants to be the happy one, and i am supposed to take care of him. who takes care of me?
i do

[joel]

I think he wants to be the happy one.... who takes care of me?

observation and question--at the root of it all. what would it take for us to reframe it? why didn't marx get canonized, even if it would only be smoke in the opium pipe? damn straight he wants to be happy...but why does he want to the be happy ONE? i'm there. i want to be the happy one...not part of the happy species, but the singular happy human--as if my happiness rests on the lack of happiness in others' (human/non-human/non-living) existences. it's a zero-sum happiness I'm after...and when i realize it, i know it's awful, but when i'm not thinking about it, it's all i think about.

[wannabeguru]

observation and question--at the root of it all.

Dear Joel and CS: I just HAD to try this quote thingie out!

Thank you Joel for more edification as I pursue my watching of CS.
Thanks for being along.

Oh for the ONE who doesn't have to be A "the happy one"! You speak so eloquently to this CS. I feel/fear that pain alone AND not alone.
Where is pursuit of happiness when every one needs a "trodden down ONE"?