Seven Deadly Sins, I've Tried, I've Tried (comments welcome)

[Lightning Rod]

Seven Deadly Sins, I've Tried, I've Tried

I've tried to rid myself of Lust
I didn't want to but was told I must
What really made the issue thorny was
that when I meditated upon my Lust,
I got horny.

I've tried to curb my Gluttony
for all the beefies and the muttonies
taken pills to kill my appetites
the ones that keep you up all night
then I became a glutton for the pills.

I've tried to restrain my Anger
I count to ten, then do it again
I've punched a bag, smoked a fag
done Transcendental Meditation
and every other passing fad
but when I tried to tame my wrath
all it did was make me MAD.

I've tried to subdue my Greed
to soothe the beast, the need, the need
I've tried to not be such a whore, for more, for more, for more, for more
I would start a religion called Greed Anonymous
if I thought there was any money in it.

I tried to conquer my Sloth
I tried so hard that I couldn't get anything else done
people started calling me lazy
I said, "I'm not lazy, can't you see that I'm fighting my Sloth?"
The war on Sloth is a hard war and a long war
First I need a nap.

I tried to suppress my Envy
I tried not to envy Einstein for his brain. Narcissus for his beauty.
Gates for his money, JLo for her booty
I tried not to covet perfection
if I possessed all that I envied, I would be jealous of myself.

I've tried, I've tried
to wean myself of Pride
I've tried, I've tried everything I could
but it's not working out for me
Why? Because I'm just so damned good.

[ms67]

nice idea
made me smile
i like your style

[judih]

deadly or not, you sin with style

[Doreen Peri]

I used to be envious of the lust for avarice, but I got extremely angry with myself about how lazy I was carrying it through, though I'm proud of myself because if I did, I would have been a glutton.

[Lightning Rod]

I used to be envious of the lust for avarice, but I got extremely angry with myself about how lazy I was carrying it through, though I'm proud of myself because if I did, I would have been a glutton.

I'm so mad, doreen. Because of my envy
you have economized on my concept, That's being greedy
if you're a glutton, it's for punishment
or there's something in it for you
I'm proud of my laziness, how about you?

I think I shall delete this thread

[joel]

Seven Deadly Sins, I've Tried, I've Tried

Because I'm just so damned good.

Why do I get the feeling that as we all read this, we're thinking to ourselves: damn, he wrote my life story!

So damned good.

[Doreen Peri]

I used to be envious of the lust for avarice, but I got extremely angry with myself about how lazy I was carrying it through, though I'm proud of myself because if I did, I would have been a glutton.

I'm so mad, doreen. Because of my envy
you have economized on my concept, That's being greedy
if you're a glutton, it's for punishment
or there's something in it for you
I'm proud of my laziness, how about you?

I think I shall delete this thread

Aren'tchya glad you've got the right?
Would it be a sin, admin?

lol

[Lightning Rod]

joel,
thanks for the kudos
I hoped you would like this one
if you want to use it in a sermon
you have my release
(do they have excommunication in Lutheranism?)

[Lightning Rod]

the eighth deadly sin is willfulness
(also known as being a turd)

[Lightning Rod]

now we need to talk about the seven deadly virtues

the first is patience

[Totenkopf]

You're no poet , man. Maybe prose scribbler, when you work hard at it. Read The Mingo for hints, if you can get your ego---or inebriation--- out of the way.

As FZ said back in the day, you'd "make more money as a butcher. "

jus' saying.

[joel]

joel,
thanks for the kudos
I hoped you would like this one
if you want to use it in a sermon
you have my release
(do they have excommunication in Lutheranism?)

1. Ok, thanks--because I had already been turning wheels of where that might fit into a sermon down the line....
2. Like a lot of good ol' Prots, we're more likely to condemn than to excommunicate (what's the fun in thinking someone's going to hell if you don't let them stick around to hear it all the time?) (And that's really to say: no, the orthodox confessions of the tradition kinda take away our ability to excommunicate or condemn...though we have been known to try anyhow.)

[Lightning Rod]

You're no poet , man. Maybe prose scribbler, when you work hard at it. Read The Mingo for hints, if you can get your ego---or inebriation--- out of the way.

As FZ said back in the day, you'd "make more money as a butcher. "

jus' saying.

I'm not a poet
I just don't know it
I wear a size nine

what Frank told me last time I talked to him
was,
If you are a 1%er, you can make a living

[Doreen Peri]

now we need to talk about the seven deadly virtues

the first is patience

Yes, they could kill ya, those virtues.

1. Patience will make people standing behind you in line wanna push you down on your face because you don't seem to even care that it's taking 2 hours when it shoulda just took 15 minutes.

2. Compassion could be deadly. Imagine being compassionate toward a low-life biker dude who contracted aids from screwing whores and shooting up dope. If you invite him to live at your house, your neighbors might knife ya! There goes the neighborhood, yanno.

3. Kindness makes some people mad! They'd rather be mean and cruel and angry. So, if you are kind, beware, 'cause they're gonna get pissed off at ya and could shoot you in the head!

4. Generosity is just plain stupid because the more you give to people, the more they're going to try to take from ya. Deadly? Yeah! Whoever dies with the most toys, wins, remember? Don't give too much of your money or your stuff or you won't have any left when it's time to go and you'll lose, bigtime!

That's all I can think of now.

When your poem hits the bottom of page one and it's time for me to kick it back up to the top again, I'll post another couple. LOL!

(just kidding of course )