Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

i feel it on the edge of me
it rests between us, as i hang onto seconds
spent with you

each second falling -

my fingers stretching
reaching you, your hands -

your-hard-working-hands that hold
the storms of your existence

i close my eyes around you
for what comes down under
the pull of Spring
in this pull of moments between us
of citrus, melons, peaches, and plums

more for the scent that loses me
of something never said
as you smile back at me
when your eyes can’t keep still
and i try to catch them.


© Perdida 261008

writting about those momments you can't hold on to seems the hardest to describe. I love the attempt, i mean when its good, like this piece. I want to write more about details like how you describe smell and stuff like that because isn't that where that moment you can't hold onto or describe stay? i hope i'm making sense. Like that Kublha Khan poem, he's trying to describe a "peak experience" a momment in time and it seems the more you try to grasp at it, the more you miss it....for me anyways. and isn't that whats so special about that momment anyway?

did you read You prefer darkness...i think its funny cause your lines

"I feel it on the edge of me
it rests between us, as i hang onto seconds
pent with you

each second falling-

my fingers stretching
reaching you, your hands-"

is so similar to the begining of that poem, except and i find i always am too wordy, you get at it a little faster, it doesn't feel faster i just mean less words, more simple. I want to be simple and detailed and some people, like yourself in this poem seem to be able to do that. simple. simple, and that makes it poignant you know.

anyways i really liked it because i feel it acheives what i've been trying to do of late with my work. and you have the subtley sexy thing going on with the pull lines, did you use the word cover or covers, no but it lead me to a visual image of such and a feeling, its just getting cold here so maybe its sending me places specific to me cause its cold but i mean i def saw, felt and smelt things while reading this which is always good.

look there i go again being wordy...jez!

Wow! You write this with such feel for subtlety and beauty. This is refreshing as the scent of Roses on a spring morning. I love your verse. It takes me to a forgotten place where love bloomed.

John

beautifully written. a poem to savor. your spring - my winter; the gods laugh.

beautiful work...i particularly liked..."your-hard-working-hands
that hold the storms of your existence".....the implied history there is powerful writing, as is the entire poem...really enjoyed this, perdida...

mmm... here is most like a mix of lively jazmins, heavy paraísos, semi-rotten jacarandás ´s flowers and river breeze! . Hermoso poema, perdida!!!!!!!!

perdida...i'm coming back to this one tomorrow morning. it's halloween night here and the doorbell is going crazy...i want to focus when i read you

big smile
mj

you have such a great way with words perdida that it captures me everytime...gentle and deep and so full of emotion...

i feel it on the edge of me
it rests between us, as i hang onto seconds
spent with you

each second falling

my fingers stretching
reaching you...

...this is my favorite part and it reminded me of something i wrote last week or the week before...about fingers & stretching...i'll go see if i saved it and maybe post it...for you

K&D, hi and thanks for your reply and your input, i do believe i understand what you're saying. And yes, the "moment" is the hardest to capture. Thanks so much and no, not to wordy. *smile*

goldenmyst, thank you so much, makes me happy to know this took you to a place where love bloomed.

Constantine, smiling big here, i thank you.

Saw, i'm so glad you enjoyed, that make me happy. thank you so much.

Veronica, sounds like you enjoyed, thank you. What is Hermoso?

mj, your thoughts mean alot to me, you are so very kind, any input you offer i appreciate. the lines you quoted are my favourite too.
thank you.

thanks all

m

hermoso is bello, beautiful

ahhhh, grazie bella!

Indeed, this is a lovely, sensory read...each line touches, scents, with such tenderness...
Thank you for a wonderful read....
H