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Post Marital Encounter
Posted: October 29th, 2008, 9:49 pm
by goldenmyst
Post Marital Encounter
Illuminated Madonna
Gentle face lined with sorrow
Starry eyes glow compassion
Across table top distance
A space of transparent air
Our breath swirls softly
In clouds of warm molecules
And dances like tender thoughts
Tapping epidermal sensations
Imperceptible as the fluorescent light waves
Washing across our organic cells
Sound waves splash lyrically
Through our time and space
Her solicitous voice of compassion
Envelopes me in tender empathy
Reaching across troubled years
Into the illimitable expanse of present
Birthday dinner of Buddhist Delight
Tofu soaked in savory oils
Sings palate into bliss
Old friends blow oxygen bubbles
Through Sargasso solitude
Posted: October 29th, 2008, 11:23 pm
by judih
beautiful
Posted: October 30th, 2008, 12:27 am
by mnaz
Sometimes the sensations of a day are connected and lyrical. Flowing in good space. I haven't had too many days like that lately. Nice, John. Thanks for the window.
Posted: October 30th, 2008, 1:14 pm
by goldenmyst
Judih, thank you beautiful spirit.
Mnaz, days like this one are rare for me as well. Happy to give you a glimpse of a rarity. Thanks.
John
Posted: October 30th, 2008, 3:31 pm
by constantine
beautifully worded - elegantly expressed.
Posted: October 30th, 2008, 3:40 pm
by Lightning Rod
ok john
please don't think I'm being brutal
I can see good imagery and sense for sound in your poems
but you throw like a girl
you used the passive 'ing' form of your verbs 11 times in this poem
this just shouts, "LIMP WRIST."
it says, "I'm not really involved in this scene, I'm just watching it from afar."
your images are nice, but you need to make them more involving. Confront. Tell us how you feel with smells and sensations. Fight with the reality of what you see.
Sorry if I sound pedagogical.
Posted: October 30th, 2008, 6:23 pm
by SmileGRL
gentle like the moment & the soul who wrote it...
Posted: October 30th, 2008, 8:13 pm
by goldenmyst
Constantine, thanks man! What a cool comment.
lightning Rod, thanks for the constructive criticism. I will keep it in mind.
SmileGRL, that is one of the most beautiful comments I've had on any poem. Thank you for being you.
John
Posted: October 30th, 2008, 9:11 pm
by Doreen Peri
Sounds like a beautiful night! It's wonderful you haver remained friends and can share such a lovely special evening together!
I hope you had a wonderful birthday!
Thanks for sharing this touching poem.
Posted: October 30th, 2008, 9:39 pm
by goldenmyst
Doreen, it was a wonderful evening. She gave me a birthday card, my only one this year. She also gave me passionate encouragement which I took to heart. She is a saintly soul, whose spirituality guides her life. As we parted she gave me a pat on the back and a smile. She'll always hold a precious place in my heart.
John
Posted: October 31st, 2008, 10:02 am
by SmileGRL
i am so daft somedays! how did i miss it? HaPpy BiRthdAy jOhn!!!...a little late but with lots of love. always.
Posted: November 1st, 2008, 6:02 pm
by goldenmyst
SmileGRL, much love back at ya! A belated but heartfelt thank you to a dear friend.
John
Posted: November 2nd, 2008, 4:16 am
by mnaz
I was thinking it might be someone else other than your ex across from you. I'm thinking that may be for me too. Well... some day.
Posted: November 2nd, 2008, 9:40 pm
by goldenmyst
Mnaz, just got back for celebrating her birthday with is on the 11th. She is an amazing woman, and we've made the transition to friendship. I never would have thought it possible.
John