i got modern-ized

[creativesoul]

my eldest son bought me this computer. It does all kinds of cool stuff, I will not ever forget when he was born.He has bought me warm sweaters and come to visit and olays joyfully with my btwo step sons. the warm, the energy was beautiful.Sometimes beautiful can turn ugly. Douglas county have been holding the twins hostagw for over two years, I had a shrink that meant well I suppose, thst hsd m in seroqelmthree ntimes a day, limicital and zoloft and diazapan and klonopin. Everybody[my few close friends} told me I was slurring my words and falling into things which I did not believe them until one night I was a foot a way from my partner and he told me he wanted to understand me but he could not. I could not make myself understood. I decided before I went to sleep to stop taking that medicine. So I did. It was a horible experience. I could not wear clothes, I couldnt not eat and had to move from piont A to piont B with careful navigation, my partner could not even bring ne a cuo of tea.He had to go to work but asked if I was going to be ok.
He went to Roseberg and ..............i cried for hurt feelings that I had not felt in a long time.Hr\e saw his kids and they went hiking and I was weak and lonely. He told me he did not have any money so I loaned him a hundred dollars leaving myself 80 dollars and no cat food. I learned alot that weekend with no supplies and kicking on thrr couch alone. When I asked him for the money back for the rings I hockr]ed do he could have gas money to see his kids, then there was the the saving account with a mere 150 dollars in it, i closed to laan him money to go see his kids.When I asked him for it back you would think I was evil or something.
I asked him for twenty dollars last night and we got into a full on fist fight,I do not know why I am the bad guy. I am now responabile if the evil douglas county does not give him his kids back? I have to put my neck on the chopping block for yet another nueropysciatric test. I feel like the gun is pionted at me.I have bumps all over my head, he has scratches on his back. I got some hair. There is tension in this house you could cut with a knife, I will never tell him when I get any money again. I am trying to get off these fuckking meds and everyday he reminds me that I was awful on the ones I kicked. Now he is telling me I am nodding while watching tv. That has to be the most boring box in the house. creative ebergy.I was drawing and he wanted me to watch tv. i wanted to go to sleep. Television is boring. I love thise t-shirts on Portland State that say "kill your tv"
my partner and I come from different worlds. I love art books, art supplies. plants, beautiful pottreoy, sculpture and space alot of it.He likes tools and approaches th world with a practical piont of view, understsnds
the things around him and how they work. I like kissing and beingmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhumming with love. sometimess I think he is not attracted to me at all. I love him so much and all this passion with no where to go. No wonder I became willing to take meds ,